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Support for a mom getting out of a verbally abusive Relationship

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:05 PM
  • 27 Replies

Hi I'm new to Cafemom and this is my first post there are two things that has been nagging at me since my baby was born I have been in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship with my child's father and I want to get out of it and away from him for good our baby is now six months old and he is beginning to speak harshly to her and raise his voice at her as well.  Are there any support groups I could go to, to discuss what I am going through and how to get aways from him for good I'm afraid his behavior will get worst towards me and my baby.  Also while at the hospital giving birth when you ladies were alone did the nurse/doctor approach any of you and ask if you were in an abusive relationship.  I'm wondering could she tell I was in an abusive relationship or is that just protocol.  Okay thanks

by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:05 PM
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larissalarie
by Platinum Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I think they asked me that with my 3rd child. She said she was required to ask some things and asked if I would prefer if my husband left the room. I don't remember that happening with the first 2, so I don't know if it's some new thing they are doing now, or if it was a state specific thing (this was in Missouri, my older two were born in Kansas & Colorado)

Congratulations on having the strength to get out. Maybe you could discuss with a social worker what, if anything, can be done to protect your child? Maybe if you document every time he's verbally abusive you can take that to a judge (a written record gives more weight to your testimony) and he would be required to get counseling/anger management as a condition of having visitation?
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justone_jen
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:26 PM

Whoa, you're from Missouri? Me too! KC. :) 

Quoting larissalarie:

I think they asked me that with my 3rd child. She said she was required to ask some things and asked if I would prefer if my husband left the room. I don't remember that happening with the first 2, so I don't know if it's some new thing they are doing now, or if it was a state specific thing (this was in Missouri, my older two were born in Kansas & Colorado)

Congratulations on having the strength to get out. Maybe you could discuss with a social worker what, if anything, can be done to protect your child? Maybe if you document every time he's verbally abusive you can take that to a judge (a written record gives more weight to your testimony) and he would be required to get counseling/anger management as a condition of having visitation?


Evonavich
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:27 PM
I was in that same situation before. (before I had my dd). It was hard but thankfully I found my now husband that helped me get out of it.
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justone_jen
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:29 PM

*hugs* OP. Where are you located? I can try to find some resources to help you get out. Good on you for finding the strength. I know from personal experience that it's hard.

As far as support groups, there are a ton online.

larissalarie
by Platinum Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:34 PM
Yep I was in Columbia for a couple of years, but I'm back in Colorado now. I grew up about 1.5 hours south of KC in Pittsburg. Kansas & Missouri is where all my family lives and most of my friends. I was just back for a visit a few weeks ago!

Quoting justone_jen:

Whoa, you're from Missouri? Me too! KC. :) 

Quoting larissalarie:

I think they asked me that with my 3rd child. She said she was required to ask some things and asked if I would prefer if my husband left the room. I don't remember that happening with the first 2, so I don't know if it's some new thing they are doing now, or if it was a state specific thing (this was in Missouri, my older two were born in Kansas & Colorado)

Congratulations on having the strength to get out. Maybe you could discuss with a social worker what, if anything, can be done to protect your child? Maybe if you document every time he's verbally abusive you can take that to a judge (a written record gives more weight to your testimony) and he would be required to get counseling/anger management as a condition of having visitation?


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justone_jen
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Small world! My mate is from Butler. 

Quoting larissalarie:

Yep I was in Columbia for a couple of years, but I'm back in Colorado now. I grew up about 1.5 hours south of KC in Pittsburg. Kansas & Missouri is where all my family lives and most of my friends. I was just back for a visit a few weeks ago!

Quoting justone_jen:

Whoa, you're from Missouri? Me too! KC. :) 

Quoting larissalarie:

I think they asked me that with my 3rd child. She said she was required to ask some things and asked if I would prefer if my husband left the room. I don't remember that happening with the first 2, so I don't know if it's some new thing they are doing now, or if it was a state specific thing (this was in Missouri, my older two were born in Kansas & Colorado)

Congratulations on having the strength to get out. Maybe you could discuss with a social worker what, if anything, can be done to protect your child? Maybe if you document every time he's verbally abusive you can take that to a judge (a written record gives more weight to your testimony) and he would be required to get counseling/anger management as a condition of having visitation?



lauratupper
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 12:38 AM
1 mom liked this

If you have a YWCA in your area they can help. Good luck!

kturn08
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I was in a verbally & emotionally & physically abusive relationship with my daughter's father, and, after 3 years, I finally got out a little over a month ago. I started seeing a therapist, and talking to her is what gave me the strength to leave. She told me the difficult things that I couldn't admit to myself, and didn't sugar coat anything. So I'd say definitely go see a therapist. Look in the phone book, or call your insurance company and see if there are any in your area that are covered. And it may sound kind of sexist, but request a female therapist; I know there's no way I would've been able to be as open with a man as I was with a woman. And keep in mind that no matter how much you hate the abuse, it will still be hard and it will still be painful to leave, but it's what's best for you and for your baby, so you CAN'T let yourself fall back into what's easy!

Good luck, mama. Don't give up.

HoneyBrown26
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 8:16 AM

I'm located in Georgia the Atlanta area. 

brookesmama0230
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 8:18 AM
yes they have to ask that , I'm srry try a ymca or medicaid office
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