Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Babies Babies

my husband and I have different views on AP, suggestions???

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:19 AM
  • 41 Replies

I would say that I am a pretty attached parent to our 2 year old daughter. I ebf her until she was 14 months old, and would have gone till 2 if she hadnt of weaned herself, coslept with her until she was almost 2, dont believe in the cry it out method (as it never seemed to work for us), and love baby wearing, though I discovered the concept after my daughter was already 1. The issue I am having is that my husband and I do not see eye to eye. He hated having our daughter in bed with us, thinks I carry her around too much, and was completely weirded out that I wanted to delay introducing cows milk and bf her as long as I could. None of this has been an issue. All of this seemed pretty minute and insignificant to me. As I have done research and become more aware of different parenting techniques and just become more educated as far as our options as parents goes, we have hit a road block. We definitely want to have more children. No doubt, but I am really worried that we will not be able to come to an agreement on one topic. Circumsion. I absolutely hands down, DO NOT want to have it done to any of my future sons. My husband is dead set all for it. So much so that he actually told me if I didnt consent to it,that he would take our son and have it done. His arguments were the typical, he would look different from me, I dont want him made fun of at school, its not clean. No amount of arguing would change his mind, so I dropped it, because I know it would turn into a huge fight, plus we arent even pregnant, so I didnt see the point at the time. I need help! How can I gently make my husband see that times are changing, and it isnt consider necessary anymore? That people are much more educated now, and the research shows that it isnt unhealthy? Suggestions please! I want this to be my (future) sons choice, not ours!


**Update:**  My husband brought up us having more kids, last night.  And in talking about it, he did finally agree to at least do some research on the topic before us making any kind of decisions!  THIS IS HUGE!  Total weight lifted off my shoulders, just in the fact that he is WILLING to look into it and reconsider.  We will come to some kind of compromise, because we do want more kids sometime in the future, but I feel so much better knowing that he is at least willing to do some more research. :)

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:19 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Mrs.Velasquez
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 2:00 AM
I do half ap lol. I bfd for 2 months, I do wear my little one, I cloth diaper, and I delayed solids until almost 7 months. Now I am the main parent. Dh works all the time, so whatever I choose he is on board with.

Perhaps u can research and print articles/studies that show why each decision u are making is better. That way he can read for himself. Kind of a pros vs cons thing.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
NicLof2
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 2:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Im sorry when it comes to the circumcision I agree with your husband but agreed with you on all the other stuff. I hope you guys can come to an agreement before y'all have a boy. Good luck. Here's a bump for someone who can help!

BUMP
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
IrishIz
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 2:56 AM

Is he willing to read educational material?  Arguing won't win but does he have the willingness to read material about it?

MommyO2-6631
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 7:33 AM
I agree with your husband. Both of my boys are circ'd. And if you wait for them to make the decision it becomes an operation under general anesthesia with a hard recovery instead of a 10 minute procedure with a 5 day recovery which the newborn sleeps thru. I ap too and i do agree with you on everything else but i would definitely come to a decision before trying to have another baby. Sorry i'm no help!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
JZB
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 7:36 AM
1 mom liked this
My dh is and so his 2 older sons, I let him decide on ours but I made him do research and watch the video on the procedure
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
calvinsmommy18
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 7:59 AM
He's the one that has one so if he's set on it id say let him do it. My son is cir'd. Rather have it done for him as an infant than be like my dad and have to have it done at 48 yrs old.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Baby_Avas_Momma
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:03 AM
4 moms liked this
My DF used to be pro circ until he took it upon himself to do the research and now he is not only extremely anti circ, but he is also very upset he he himself was circ'd.
For him to threaten to take the baby and have it done without your consent (which can't happen), should be a huge red flag to not have any more kids with him. That is something you just can't undo and it's your job as a mother to protect your baby.
Have him take a look at DrMomma.org, tons upon tons of proven facts, statistics, and info on circ. Good luck mama.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
hhhanna
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:06 AM

It's something that you'll have to work out.  If you never have a boy it becomes a rather non-issue, so is it really something to get your panties in a wad over right now?  Personally, I side with your husband, I've seen and known many men (known them intimately and more not intimately) who are circumcised, none of them who had it done as babies remembers it, or thinks it has interfered with their sexual performance or become serial rapists or killers over it.  I don't like the look of a non-circumcised penis and if I had had a son (I had two daughters) there was no question that it would have been done.

Baby_Avas_Momma
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:11 AM
And it's NOT "better to do it as an infant". Over 100 babies a year die from being circ'd in the US. An adult is not only able to make the decision for HIMSELF, but is knocked out during the whole procedure, given some nice pain meds afterwards, and doesn't have to sit in diaper continuously exposed to feces and urine.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
aimesnyc
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this

The Whole Network has a lot of great info that you can share with him about keeping your future sons intact: http://www.thewholenetwork.org/

Also, make him watch videos of babies being circ'd and see how he feels about it after that.  I'm more of a mainstream parent, but I completely agree with you about circumcision.  My son is intact and whole.  Fortunately my husband agreed 100% not to have him circ'd.

Good luck!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN