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Should Daddy be waking up with Baby at night also?

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My little boy is 5 months old now and for the past 5 months I've had the luxury of being a stay-at-home-mom.

My son still wakes up about 3-4 times a night (some times more) and, since my husband works 10 hours a day at a mentally exhausting job, I have always gotten up with the baby every single time every single night.

But, I feel like, being a stay-at-home-mom is just as physically and mentally exhausting as his job except it's not just 10 hours a day, it's 24. I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's time my Husband starts waking up with the baby from time to time so that I can finally get some rest. I'm wondering if that sounds reasonable? And if so, is there a nonabrasive way to talk to him about it?

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:39 PM
Replies (61-70):
rHOPEb
by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:28 PM

To be honest I think mommy should do it, especially if you stay at home.  Maybe on his day off you can get him to watch the baby during the day while you nap or do something without the baby.  Its not often you find a daddy who has the patience to get up and handle a baby in the middle of the night.  Some can, but most cannot.  BUT......if you need some extra sleep there is nothing wrong to ask him to help once in awhile.  :)

I EBF and would NEVER ask my hubby to get up and help.  He did it ONCE on his own with our first.  It was quite hillarious!  I had just fed her 1.5hr before, so he said he'd go rock her.  He was shirtless and she tried to latch on to him.  hahahaha!  Scared him and her both!  Needless to say he doesn't get up.  98% of the time he doesn't even hear the baby or feel me get out of bed!

angela.bouchard
by Angela on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:39 PM
This. My boyfriend has worked graveyard since our son was a newborn so I have never had the luxury of having help a night and at 2 years old my son still goes through bad phases of sleep. Of course on his weekends if he is already up he will take care of him at night but that's it.

Quoting larissalarie:

I've always gotten up with my children even when I worked full time. I wouldn't dream of having my husband do it now that I stay home.

However that's between you and him. I've never understood why people think staying home with children is so difficult, especially with only 1. If you're tired you can nap when the baby does, your husband probably can't nap at work.

Maybe ask him about taking over weekends or at least splitting them with you? Them you each get 1 night "off"? (you from getting up with baby and him from getting up for work)

Either way, try not to worry, it really doesn't last that long in the bigger picture :-)
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Laulaulu321
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:47 PM
I nursed my son so I was okay with df not getting up with him. But he slept through the night by 6 weeks and if he didn't I would've asked for a little help.
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aimesnyc
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 1:17 PM
2 moms liked this

Call me crazy, or maybe I just think this because my hubby and I both work, but just because you are a SAHM does NOT mean that child care is your job alone, 24/7.  He's not just  a sperm donor, and yes, he works hard, but so do you.  So when you are both home, it's only fair that he gets involved in the parenting duties as well.  With anything, there are exceptions (i.e. he works graveyard or works multiple jobs so that you can SAH).  However, again, he is also a parent to the child(ren). 

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for being tired and wanting your partner and co-parent to help out.  Try to find some sort of alternating schedule that works for you both (such as him doing it on the weekends or during a certain time period each night).  And if you BF, it won't hurt for you to pump on those nights and have him put some breastmilk in a bottle so that you can get much-needed rest.  Not everyone can nap while the baby's napping, as there ARE things that need to be done while the LO is asleep.

AviannasMama
by Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:23 PM
He always got up w the baby. He works mostly 2nd shift though. It seems as though I'm very lucky. Even now if she has a rough night (she's 12 months old) he will get up w her since I'm pregnant again and having a hard time sleeping anyways.
TinDoll
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:25 PM

DD is 8 1/2 mo and I've gotten my DH up once in her life when she was a few weeks old I driving me nuts. He never gets up with her and even if he wakes up he just lays there and lets me take care of it. It's frustrating and irritating but honestly at this point, I know how to get her right back to sleep and it's easier for em to just do it. I know how you feel. I'm a SAHM too but it's not a cozy job.

Ninjabubble
by Bronze Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:27 PM
Mine does! He gets the night shift and I get the day shift. He starts work late afternoon and gets home around 11pm-12pm. Then he gets up with DS every 2ish hours. Starting at 6:30am I will stay up and DH sleeps most of the day. This way I get sleep so I won't be so frazzled during the day. I have a problem with stress so this really helps.
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Haley947
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:04 PM

I'm also a SAHM and my DF works Monday - Friday and sometimes on Saturday. This is how I see it don't be afraid of asking him to get up with the baby,you're not the only one that made him. On the weekdays I always get up with my little boy because I know he has to go to work. When it comes to the weekends,I'll get up if he wakes during the night but as soon as DF gets up, which is usually around 8am,and then he takes him so I can sleep a little. Like you said SAHM's don't get a day off or a break,some men say well I know he/she takes a nap and then that's when I say yea that's when I do house work or feed myself or take a shower. I was overwhelmed at first because he wasn't helping and finally I just said I need help. From then on we have no problems.

preacherskid
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:42 PM

DH got up with odd, until we started bed sharing more.  He still gets up with the girls if they wake, because he stays home while I go to work and they go to daycare (he is disabled) so he is most likely to be able to catch up on sleep.  I only get five hours as it is, so when I have to get up with them I miss a lot of sleep and end up staying home.  For us the one most able to get sleep later is the one who ets up with the kids.

TerriB0311
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:56 PM
We did something very similar to this after my body recovered from the c-section. For those first 6 weeks, DH got up for every feeding, got the baby and changed him, then brought him to me for milk. After that we did shifts. He did 'til 130 then I took over so he could sleep til he got up for work at 7.

Quoting Megan11587:

Mine does. Before my son was sleeping through the night, we did shifts. If he woke up before 1:30, it was his turn, after 1:30, it was mine.  It worked for us because I go to bed pretty early, and he's usually up until at least 11, so I got a few hours of sleep in, then after 1:30, he got his sleep.

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