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MIL Advice....

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 12:11 AM
  • 8 Replies


So my daughter is 4 months old and my MIL has been smothering from day one. I understand that this is her first grandchild and everything, but lately she has been buying things for my daughter without even asking. It started small with just a bouncer that we told her would have to stay at her house because we already had one. Then for Halloween I told everyone that I wanted to buy her first costume and she went out and bought her a costume and just gave it to us when we were at a birthday party for my DF's youngest sister. Then she kept giving her stuffed animals and my daughter is getting really attached to one. This shouldn't bother me but when I got pregnant the one thing I wanted to get her was the toy she would carry everywhere and never let go of. And now for Christmas she bought her a "baby's first christmas" orrnament, not just one for her house but one for her house and our own. This really bothers me because I feel like she is encroching on my rights as a parent. Everybody keeps telling me I'm being over sensative but I don't feel like this should be normal....

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 12:11 AM
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Replies (1-8):
larissalarie
by Platinum Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 12:31 AM
I donno, it's just things :-) At least she's not trying to parent your kid for you.

However if it bothers you, you've gotta set boundaries and refuse her purchases. Tell her thanks, but no thanks.

Disclaimer- I would personally love to have someone buying things for my kids.
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Firenygirl180
by Bronze Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 12:35 AM
You just need to set some boundaries. As far as the ornament goes, expect more if you have family close. Ds has 4 or 5 first Christmas ornaments from df's family.
Just talk to her and tell her that you appreciate get wanting to but things for baby but that you would like her to check with you first.
I have to deal with this since I have the first and soon to be second grandchildren on both sides.
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AngryBob
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:45 AM
Give them back, and firmly reaffirm your desires to buy baby's "first" items. Don't back down. Don't cause an argument. Just give them back, with a thank you, but. Or make dh do that, since he should be handling his own mother.
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AngryBob
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Ps you're not overreacting, because as a new mom, you're excited to be able to do all these things, and she's taking that opportunity from you (whether she's doing it on purpose or not, i cant tell from this post). If it wasn't a big deal, why does she keep doing it? Because it is fun, and she wants that for herself. She got the chance to raise her babies, this is your turn.
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alandou
by April on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:58 AM
1 mom liked this

when I was pregnant, I worked 6 days a week and my family lives an hour away. My mom and grandma ended up buying all this stuff for my daughter before she was even born and I felt really angered by this. I felt like I didn't have any say so in my daughter's life at that point. Like I was the one having the baby, but it felt like she was theirs. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all the help I can get, it's just that I was very hurt by not being able to be a part of choosing things for my own daughter. It was one of those things that I was looking forward to since it was my first pregnancy. About a year later, my grandma and I had a huge fight and I told her how I felt about that and everything else that was going on. I basically had to tell them to butt out and let me bond with my daughter. We had to live with her for a year because we lost our jobs and our roommate took out on us. I felt like everyone was passing my dd around like she was a box of candy. I didn't feel a real bond with my own daughter until she was after a year old when we moved into our own place.

Erinn602
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:12 AM
I completely understand. Every time we go over there it's like someone else wants to hold her and feed her (I pump bottles so I don't have to worry bout it) and I never get to spend any time with her till we are back home. It's frustrating because I feel like my df doesn't even care and won't stand up to her.

Quoting alandou:

when I was pregnant, I worked 6 days a week and my family lives an hour away. My mom and grandma ended up buying all this stuff for my daughter before she was even born and I felt really angered by this. I felt like I didn't have any say so in my daughter's life at that point. Like I was the one having the baby, but it felt like she was theirs. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all the help I can get, it's just that I was very hurt by not being able to be a part of choosing things for my own daughter. It was one of those things that I was looking forward to since it was my first pregnancy. About a year later, my grandma and I had a huge fight and I told her how I felt about that and everything else that was going on. I basically had to tell them to butt out and let me bond with my daughter. We had to live with her for a year because we lost our jobs and our roommate took out on us. I felt like everyone was passing my dd around like she was a box of candy. I didn't feel a real bond with my own daughter until she was after a year old when we moved into our own place.

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MommyO2-6631
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:31 AM
I think every mother inlaw gets this way! It's very annoying but dh should handle this. He needs to realize that you and your child are his family now and it's his job to protect you from his mother. Many husbands fail at this (including my own). If he doesn't say something then you'll have to or you'll begin resenting your MIL. And in time it will get oh so much worse. I never stood up to my exes mother and now i feel like she does things because i ask her not to. Like buy him things that i've specifically told him no. Or it's even gotten as bad as her still wiping his bottom (@ 7!) Because i asked her not to.
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angela.bouchard
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 12:14 PM
This.. I wouldn't be upset over grandparents buying things

Quoting larissalarie:

I donno, it's just things :-) At least she's not trying to parent your kid for you.



However if it bothers you, you've gotta set boundaries and refuse her purchases. Tell her thanks, but no thanks.



Disclaimer- I would personally love to have someone buying things for my kids.
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