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Did You Let Your Babies 'Cry It Out'?

Study Shows 'Crying It Out' Is Best for Babies

Posted by Mary Fischer

crying babyAny new parent will tell you that one of the hardest things to adjust to with a baby is the whole not getting a remotely decent amount of sleep thing. Unless you are one of those one in a million people who wound up with a gem of a baby who slept through the night on day one, I'm sure you've struggled with what you should or should not do when your little one wakes up crying in the middle of the night.

Well, a new study conducted at Temple University in Philadelphia has concluded that letting your baby cry it out is the best plan to ensure that he or she learns how to self-soothe.

Um, that's all well and good -- but listening to your baby cry, moan, and wail for you in the middle of the night and not doing a darn thing about it is way, way easier said than done.

I can't help but wonder if any of the researchers involved are moms, because if they are, they should really know better than to tell us to just let our babies cry and go back to sleep and forget about it.

When my son was a baby, he was not a good sleeper. At all. Granted, he went to bed and fell asleep very easily each night, but he woke up crying at least once or twice until he was around 8 or 9 months old.

And after a few people urged me to let him cry it out with the promise of his waking up in the middle of the night being corrected in a day or two -- I finally did it. And it nearly broke my heart. I listened to him cry incessantly for a good 45 minutes before he finally gave up and fell asleep -- and I'm pretty sure I cried right along with him.

I felt like I'd abandoned him in some way, like he couldn't understand why I wasn't coming for him. And I just couldn't bear the thought of him feeling like I'd forgotten about him or didn't care, which is why the next night, I promptly went into his room when he woke up crying.

Instead of picking him up out of his crib, however, I simply went over and assured him that I was there, rubbed his head a little, gave him his pacifier, and not too long after that, he drifted back off to sleep. The process only took about five or ten minutes, and it was much less stressful than laying in my bed tossing and turning and listening to him cry, that's for sure.

To each his own, but for me, there's no way I'd do the crying it out thing if I had another baby. News flash -- babies cry in the middle of the night, because they're babies and that's what babies do. It's part of the deal, and instead of trying to find a magical one-size-fits-all solution, parents really just need to do whatever works best for them. Seriously, don't these researchers have anything better to analyze?

Have you ever let your baby cry it out?

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:35 PM
Replies (41-50):
mandapanda82
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:35 PM
Thank you:-)


Quoting Lottie925:

How can you compare an infant who can't talk and who often does not even understand it's own needs to a relationship between a grown husband and wife? Seriously. I understand that it is not the strategy for you, but many use Ferber which includes comforting and helping the child help himself get to sleep. It is not for newer infants, but for older babies.


Quoting Randi02:

Are those your needs, too? How would you feel if your husband ignored your cries, or attempts to communicate because you were fed, clean and safe?

I'm responsive, regardless of the time of day/night.

I don't ignore any of my baby's cries.




Quoting mandapanda82:

CIO is not Ignoring your baby.. You make sure they're fed, dry and safe before you let them cio. And I understand the security thing but my baby knows ill be back when she wakes up!







Quoting Randi02:

Ignoring your baby doesn't teach them to soothe themselves. It teaches them that you're inconsistent and its not worth the tears.



Responding to them builds security, and they learn they don't need you as much.








Quoting mandapanda82:

? Sorry that last part I don't get.











Quoting Randi02:

Hell no.

I'm a mother, it's my job to answer the cries of my baby. The reason it's so 'hard' to hear them cry is because it should be one of the most basic maternal instincts - and it's not meant to be ignored.

Babies don't learn to 'self soothe' by being ignored, they learn that by being soothed.







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Randi02
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:21 PM
2 moms liked this
You're right, it is a bad example. Crying is a babys only means of communicating their needs, adults have many.
My child relies on me 100% for physical AND emotional needs. They can't reason like I can.


Quoting Lottie925:

How can you compare an infant who can't talk and who often does not even understand it's own needs to a relationship between a grown husband and wife? Seriously. I understand that it is not the strategy for you, but many use Ferber which includes comforting and helping the child help himself get to sleep. It is not for newer infants, but for older babies.


Quoting Randi02:

Are those your needs, too? How would you feel if your husband ignored your cries, or attempts to communicate because you were fed, clean and safe?

I'm responsive, regardless of the time of day/night.

I don't ignore any of my baby's cries.




Quoting mandapanda82:

CIO is not Ignoring your baby.. You make sure they're fed, dry and safe before you let them cio. And I understand the security thing but my baby knows ill be back when she wakes up!







Quoting Randi02:

Ignoring your baby doesn't teach them to soothe themselves. It teaches them that you're inconsistent and its not worth the tears.



Responding to them builds security, and they learn they don't need you as much.








Quoting mandapanda82:

? Sorry that last part I don't get.











Quoting Randi02:

Hell no.

I'm a mother, it's my job to answer the cries of my baby. The reason it's so 'hard' to hear them cry is because it should be one of the most basic maternal instincts - and it's not meant to be ignored.

Babies don't learn to 'self soothe' by being ignored, they learn that by being soothed.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Baby_Avas_Momma
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Nope. My responsibilities as a parent don't suddenly diminish once the sun is down. We've always treated dd with the respect she deserves, and were/are more than happy to tend to her needs so she can grow up knowing we were always there for her. Babies learn "self soothing" when they're ready....
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mskitty6
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

As long as they were not in pain (teething) or huring themselves.

mandapanda82
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:31 PM
I am still a responsible parent! That's really not fair at all that you say that. I take care of her needs- after they're fed, loved cleaned and whatever else she may need then it's time for bed- at night, babies need to learn that, since in the womb there is no concept of night or day. I am a completely 100% responsible parent.



Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

Nope. My responsibilities as a parent don't suddenly diminish once the sun is down. We've always treated dd with the respect she deserves, and were/are more than happy to tend to her needs so she can grow up knowing we were always there for her. Babies learn "self soothing" when they're ready....


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
cabrandy03
by Brandy on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:42 PM
1 mom liked this

What about meeting your childs need for comfort or physical closeness?  Just because your child is clean and fed doesn't mean that he or she doesn't have other needs that need to be met.  Your babies only way of communicating is through crying, how do you know he/she doesn't have a tummy ache or teething pain? 

Quoting mandapanda82:

I am still a responsible parent! That's really not fair at all that you say that. I take care of her needs- after they're fed, loved cleaned and whatever else she may need then it's time for bed- at night, babies need to learn that, since in the womb there is no concept of night or day. I am a completely 100% responsible parent.



Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

Nope. My responsibilities as a parent don't suddenly diminish once the sun is down. We've always treated dd with the respect she deserves, and were/are more than happy to tend to her needs so she can grow up knowing we were always there for her. Babies learn "self soothing" when they're ready....




Baby_Avas_Momma
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I never said you weren't responsible, not once, so no need to defend yourself to me. There are millions of babies who were NEVER left to CIO and who had 100% healthy sleeping habits, my dd being one of them.
CIO/sleep training is a somewhat new concept developed at a time when baby's were perceived as extremely inconvenient and parents were urged to do everything in their power to detach themselves from their babies.
I have never had a problem nursing, rocking, or singing my baby to sleep because *gasp* my baby depended on me. Much more peaceful than CIO.
If you're so confident about your choice, there should be no need to defend it.
Quoting mandapanda82:

I am still a responsible parent! That's really not fair at all that you say that. I take care of her needs- after they're fed, loved cleaned and whatever else she may need then it's time for bed- at night, babies need to learn that, since in the womb there is no concept of night or day. I am a completely 100% responsible parent.






Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

Nope. My responsibilities as a parent don't suddenly diminish once the sun is down. We've always treated dd with the respect she deserves, and were/are more than happy to tend to her needs so she can grow up knowing we were always there for her. Babies learn "self soothing" when they're ready....



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mandapanda82
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:48 PM
Whatever in not trying to fight with you-- I don't need to justify the way I raise my child - I just didnt think it was fair to say that people that do that are irresponsible.


Quoting cabrandy03:

What about meeting your childs need for comfort or physical closeness?  Just because your child is clean and fed doesn't mean that he or she doesn't have other needs that need to be met.  Your babies only way of communicating is through crying, how do you know he/she doesn't have a tummy ache or teething pain? 

Quoting mandapanda82:

I am still a responsible parent! That's really not fair at all that you say that. I take care of her needs- after they're fed, loved cleaned and whatever else she may need then it's time for bed- at night, babies need to learn that, since in the womb there is no concept of night or day. I am a completely 100% responsible parent.






Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

Nope. My responsibilities as a parent don't suddenly diminish once the sun is down. We've always treated dd with the respect she deserves, and were/are more than happy to tend to her needs so she can grow up knowing we were always there for her. Babies learn "self soothing" when they're ready....





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AutymsMommy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:49 PM
No way.


Quoting Cafe MichelleP:


Study Shows 'Crying It Out' Is Best for Babies




Posted by Mary Fischer





crying babyAny
new parent will tell you that one of the hardest things to adjust to
with a baby is the whole not getting a remotely decent amount of sleep
thing. Unless you are one of those one in a million people who wound up
with a gem of a baby who slept through the night on day one, I'm sure you've struggled with what you should or should not do when your little one wakes up crying in the middle of the night.


Well, a new study conducted at Temple University in Philadelphia has concluded that letting your baby cry it out is the best plan to ensure that he or she learns how to self-soothe.


Um, that's all well and good -- but listening to your baby cry, moan,
and wail for you in the middle of the night and not doing a darn thing
about it is way, way easier said than done.

I can't help but
wonder if any of the researchers involved are moms, because if they are,
they should really know better than to tell us to just let our babies cry and go back to sleep and forget about it.


When my son was a baby, he was not a good sleeper. At all. Granted,
he went to bed and fell asleep very easily each night, but he woke up
crying at least once or twice until he was around 8 or 9 months old.


And after a few people urged me to let him cry it out with the
promise of his waking up in the middle of the night being corrected in a
day or two -- I finally did it. And it nearly broke my heart. I
listened to him cry incessantly for a good 45 minutes before he finally
gave up and fell asleep -- and I'm pretty sure I cried right along with
him.


I felt like I'd abandoned him in some way, like he
couldn't understand why I wasn't coming for him. And I just couldn't
bear the thought of him feeling like I'd forgotten about him or didn't
care, which is why the next night, I promptly went into his room when he
woke up crying.


Instead of picking him up out of his crib, however, I simply went
over and assured him that I was there, rubbed his head a little, gave
him his pacifier, and not too long after that, he drifted back off to
sleep. The process only took about five or ten minutes, and it was much less stressful than laying in my bed tossing and turning and listening to him cry, that's for sure.


To each his own, but for me, there's no way I'd do the crying it out
thing if I had another baby. News flash -- babies cry in the middle of
the night, because they're babies and that's what babies do. It's part
of the deal, and instead of trying to find a magical one-size-fits-all
solution, parents really just need to do whatever works best for them.
Seriously, don't these researchers have anything better to analyze?


Have you ever let your baby cry it out?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mandapanda82
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:49 PM
I'm defending it because its my child- you'd do the same


Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

I never said you weren't responsible, not once, so no need to defend yourself to me. There are millions of babies who were NEVER left to CIO and who had 100% healthy sleeping habits, my dd being one of them.
CIO/sleep training is a somewhat new concept developed at a time when baby's were perceived as extremely inconvenient and parents were urged to do everything in their power to detach themselves from their babies.
I have never had a problem nursing, rocking, or singing my baby to sleep because *gasp* my baby depended on me. Much more peaceful than CIO.
If you're so confident about your choice, there should be no need to defend it.
Quoting mandapanda82:

I am still a responsible parent! That's really not fair at all that you say that. I take care of her needs- after they're fed, loved cleaned and whatever else she may need then it's time for bed- at night, babies need to learn that, since in the womb there is no concept of night or day. I am a completely 100% responsible parent.






Quoting Baby_Avas_Momma:

Nope. My responsibilities as a parent don't suddenly diminish once the sun is down. We've always treated dd with the respect she deserves, and were/are more than happy to tend to her needs so she can grow up knowing we were always there for her. Babies learn "self soothing" when they're ready....




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
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