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All suggestions for fixing ds' sleep issues have backfired :(

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My 1 yr old ds used to be a great sleeper. We've coslept since birth. I can tell he is ready to stop, but won't. Here is what is going on:
He's become a super light sleeper. I move an inch and he wiggles.
During his nap he wakes up after only an hot searching for his bottle and/or rolling to his tummy. (In my arms lol)
He constantly wants his bottle until 2 am. As in, he wakes every 20 min to an hour looking for it.
Often he will be wide awake after only an hour or two (Goes to bed at 10) even though he is still tired
Lately he fights sleep with all he's got (the other night he stayed up til 2 screaming for two hours no matter what. Yeah, overtired)
As expected, he rolls around in bed making room for us slim to none (small bed)
His wake/nap/sleep times are over the place (I have a routine for putting him to sleep)
When we lay him in his crib he either wakes up every two hours (hubby lays him down) or wakes up instantly (I lay him down) and screams. He hates his crib
What I've tried:
Feed him more, later (yeah, then he won't take his bottle and can't fall asleep without it. Made him over tired) to try to get him to sleep longer
Lay him down as he is falling asleep, in a deep sleep, any stage of sleep. He still wakes up.
Hubby will do the Cio method, but I will not. I can't handle it.
He can't stand his arms wrapped up so swaddling is a no go.

If we had a bigger bed, I would keep cosleeping. Buuuut I'm also 37 weeks pregnant. I'm exhausted! He's been going through a ton of developmental milestones lately (started saying 3 words on Wednesday!!!) and I know that has something to do with his sleep habits. We've been trying to wean him for months.

I just don't know what to try now. He is becoming a night owl more and more. Only time he sleeps good is when I regretfully allow him to take an evening nap. Then he stays up til 1 or two.
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 4:48 AM
Replies (11-20):
Mrs.Bolin
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:32 AM

He is old enough to soothe his self to sleep. There are no sugestions for a 1 yr old. Put him in his bed and walk away. If he wakes up then ignore him. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. Dont give in. Thats the problem

SarineLewis
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 3:55 PM

Everyone suggests an earlier bed time, but whenever he goes to bed before 10 (no matter what time) he wakes up an hour later and stays up until 2 in the morning. I'm gradually waking him up earlier.

Quoting Summerlion1123:

First I'd have put him to bed at 7 when he showed signs of being tired. An over tired baby isn't going to be able to sleep. I'd also get up much earlier in the morning (as tempting as it is to sleep in ;) )

Perhaps wake at 8, nap at 10 or 11 for an hour, another nap at 1 or 2 for an hour if he acts like he needs it, bed by 7-8. That's just my suggestion though. Sure hope things start to get easier :)


Quoting SarineLewis:

So today I woke him up at 10, nap at noon. I let him sleep however long he wanted to. He slept just over an hour. Then he was still cranky. I gave him a banana and crackers. He wasn't interested much. He feel asleep (with help) at 2 and slept til 4. Is that a reasonable schedule?
This evening around 7 he started getting cranky and sleepy. I decided to keep him up til 9 (as suggested by other moms) and now it's past 10 and he is still wired. Maybe he needs more than the 12 hours suggested? Or maybe it is because he didn't sleep well the first few hours last night.

I'm a first time mom in case you can't tell. :)

I just spoke to my hubby and we've decided to do some research. Also decided to get more serious about it all after Sarah is born. Should I change anything until then?


Quoting Summerlion1123:

Sounds like he needs more consistency and routine to start. Get him up at the same time every morning and don't let him sleep late. Give him an early nap that is a certain amount of time. Give him a bed time routine and a certain time he goes to bed and isn't too late. Watch his cues and try not to let him get over tired. (Bath, teeth, jammies, story and snuggles, bed for a routine?)



It also sounds like you are trying too many things. Research sleep habits and sleep training thoroughly, pick a method, and stick to it no matter how tough. You and your husband need to agree and work together.







SarineLewis
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 3:58 PM

That's another thing I've been wondering. When I ask "where's the baby?" he will get excited and tap on my belly and even give hugs and kisses. Lol, and play peek-a-boo with my shirt. XD I wonder if he is excited, but confused as well.

Quoting briebaby123:

Nobody has suggested this, but COULD it be because of the new baby coming?!?
When I was pregnant, my sisters kids went from hugging on me and loving me, to, when I was near my due date, my youngest niece actually hit my stomach and ignored me from then on out.
Babies know and do things that we can't understand.
I'm sure you have tons of things for the baby, talk about the baby, preparing for her, etc.
Maybe he feels like he's getting "Kicked out" and "replaced" because she's coming and now he has to share and sleep in his own bed.
Just a thought.  



expectantmom81
by Erin on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:38 PM
We did CIO so I don't know what else to tell you. Sorry mama. Hang in there.
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abra
by Abra on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:49 PM

Yeah, that is a potential problem with cosleeping. Some kids transition fine, others...not so much. This is what works well or us: 


You've probably heard of Compassionate CIO (CCIO) and it can work well for a lot of people. CCIO is gentle, but is not the quickest solution you can find. The method suggests lots of reassurance and checking on your child so that your child learns to sleep by himself but with the minimum of distress possible. One of the nice things about CCIO is you are able to choose a progression pace to fit your needs. There is no perfect age to start and no rules about how long to allow controlled crying. You are the mom. You know what is best. 

The general idea of CCIO is that you go through your bedtime routine to prepare them for sleep. You are able to pick exactly what your routine is, but commonly a bath, reading or singing and meal are involved. After you have completed your bedtime routine, you lay your baby down in a safe crib or pack n play and shut the door behind you as you leave. You leave them to cry for a short time  (intervals are custom to child's needs) and then you can go in their room if/when they become anything more then mad at the situation. You know your baby's cry. If they  become frightened or something besides just angry, you go in, pick up your baby and comfort them until they are peaceful and ready to go to sleep, again. At which time, you lay your baby back down again and repeat the cycle.  It is, essentially, teaching your baby to go to sleep and eventually stay asleep without you. The benefits of starting sleep training younger is simply that they aren't as set in their habits, which helps minimize distress for everyone, but what age you start training is 100% up to you.

The downside of CCIO is that any crying can be distressing for your child and for you. There is no way around it. Allowing your child to cry is difficult - they want you and you're not going to them straight away and you're not picking them up as you would normally. But it is important to note that CCIO is attending to all your baby's needs (comfort, food, cleanliness) but is not indulging all of their wants (to be held or to nurse while they sleep, which ultimately is very difficult on mommy). CCIO is unique in that it achieves a healthy balance between indulgent and severe sleep training methods. 

After a number of nights the crying gradually lessens and finally your child will then go to sleep by themselves. Once you reach this stage everyone of course feels much better! Everyone gets more sleep and everyone has more energy. When you are training younger babies, you will still need to get up with them at night to feed them, but after they are fed, burped and clean again, you will start CCIO cycle again. 

The initial stages are tough for everyone. You need to agree with yourself and partner that you are going to let your child cry for an agreed amount of time and not give in until that pre-determined time. If you cannot do this, then CCIO is not the method for you. Inconsistency will only be upsetting for your child and will not help the sleep problem. 

Before you start any sleep training program always check with your medical professional that your child is well and healthy and that his/her sleep issues are not a sign of any underlying problem. 


Here is the group link for support if you are interested. Bash free zone! :-) 

http://mobile.cafemom.com/group/113812/forums/read/15376333/An_Introduction_to_Compassionate_CIO_Sleep_Training





.....Ophelia Grace...............Mira Lorne...............Jude Bennett.........Liam Daniel Baines.


la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:08 PM

 My son started sleeping terrible at one but it was due to teething. Once teething passed, he started sleeping great again.

jhslove
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 5:30 AM

I agree with this!


Quoting Summerlion1123:

First I'd have put him to bed at 7 when he showed signs of being tired. An over tired baby isn't going to be able to sleep. I'd also get up much earlier in the morning (as tempting as it is to sleep in ;) )

Perhaps wake at 8, nap at 10 or 11 for an hour, another nap at 1 or 2 for an hour if he acts like he needs it, bed by 7-8. That's just my suggestion though. Sure hope things start to get easier :)


Quoting SarineLewis:

So today I woke him up at 10, nap at noon. I let him sleep however long he wanted to. He slept just over an hour. Then he was still cranky. I gave him a banana and crackers. He wasn't interested much. He feel asleep (with help) at 2 and slept til 4. Is that a reasonable schedule?
This evening around 7 he started getting cranky and sleepy. I decided to keep him up til 9 (as suggested by other moms) and now it's past 10 and he is still wired. Maybe he needs more than the 12 hours suggested? Or maybe it is because he didn't sleep well the first few hours last night.

I'm a first time mom in case you can't tell. :)

I just spoke to my hubby and we've decided to do some research. Also decided to get more serious about it all after Sarah is born. Should I change anything until then?


Quoting Summerlion1123:

Sounds like he needs more consistency and routine to start. Get him up at the same time every morning and don't let him sleep late. Give him an early nap that is a certain amount of time. Give him a bed time routine and a certain time he goes to bed and isn't too late. Watch his cues and try not to let him get over tired. (Bath, teeth, jammies, story and snuggles, bed for a routine?)



It also sounds like you are trying too many things. Research sleep habits and sleep training thoroughly, pick a method, and stick to it no matter how tough. You and your husband need to agree and work together.







jhslove
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 5:36 AM

He's probably doing that because he's so overtired. When babies and kids get severely overtired, they fight sleep, have trouble staying asleep, etc. The Weissbluth book (which you should definitely read) suggests doing a "super-early bedtime"--like 6:00 or even 5:30--to help the baby get rid of the sleep debt because as long as he's overtired, he'll have trouble sleeping through. By 9:00, he's already past that point. I know it seems crazy and counterintuitive, and it feels so weird to put a baby to bed that early, but it really does work. My daughter had a bedtime of 6:00 for a while and she would sleep 12 to 13 hours at night IN ADDITION TO two daytime naps. Once her sleep debt was paid back and she wasn't so overtired, we moved her bedtime back. But even now at 15 months, she goes to bed at 7:00 most nights.

You may not be able to push his bedtime forward so suddenly, though; a lot of people have to do it in 15-minute increments over the course of a week or two.


Quoting SarineLewis:

Everyone suggests an earlier bed time, but whenever he goes to bed before 10 (no matter what time) he wakes up an hour later and stays up until 2 in the morning. I'm gradually waking him up earlier.

GodsAmiga
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 6:35 AM

I haven't read the replies so I apologize if I'm repeating suggestions but my kids hated their cribs and ended up co-sleeping for a while instead. When they were ready I got a toddler bed and when it was bedtime I rubbed their back, played with their hair (both girls-lol), patted their back, etc until they fell asleep. That way they were already asleep and I didn't need to lay them down. After a while I was able to stop that and I would sit in a chair and either read to them from a chapter book or sing songs for about 5 to 10 minutes. After that I would sit silently until they fell asleep. Then I went to only sitting silently for a bit and leaving while they were still awake. Basically made it a gradual change. I promise that "this too shall pass!" :-) My kids are 4 and 2 now and we do bedtime routine and then set the timer for 10 minutes. During those 10 minutes they can read in their bed if they'd like. When the time goes off the books get put away and they go to sleep. It works every night but I remember being where you are now and thinking, "will it ever end???" *hugs*

Christina3024
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 6:56 AM
Bump, there's a lot of great information.
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