The father of my child works 12-14 hours a day, 6-7 days a week so that he can provide for us. For this, I am grateful beyond words, and at times, it keeps me from speaking my mind about other matters between us.
Though he is working hard, he was not alone. It is not as if I was at home alone sitting around before our daughter was born, as I instead was the one working overtime all the way up until my 39th week of pregnancy. The only reason I am home now is for recovery and to take care of our newborn until I go back to work.
Now, after he comes home, normally he eats whatever I have cooked or something bought for dinner, watches a movie and then leaves for a meeting. That is not the problem, the problem for me is, is that after the meetings have ended, generally he stays out for hours until it is long past time for us to be in bed. So I spend all of my day and almost all of my evening alone with the baby.
There are occasions when he cuddles her, but only for an hour usually. I feel as though he loves her but does not make an outward effort to spend time with us or learn how to care for her when he could be home. He even only feeds her a couple/few times a week, once during the days that he does. Every other feeding, the diaper changes, the baths, the laundry, all my responsibilities.
Not to mention, she tends to ''play'' or rile herself up all night long next to me. So I don't sleep throughout the night at all, not more than maybe an hour or two of interrupted naps in 10-15 minte spurts.
During the day, between attempting to tidy and my hardships with falling asleep during the light hours in general, it's rare that I can fall asleep for a nap...but he sleeps through the night entirely without waking up once (though he is clearly exhausted from his physically demanding and long houred job.)
Is it wrong for me to feel a tad resentful? Believe me, I try not to, I quite honestly rarely say anything for fear of an arguement, as it doesn't take much to set off two completely exhausted human beings.
He has told me that if things keep going as well as they are then I would not have to return to work immediately. But I feel as though I am practically raising this child alone, as the most help I get is from my mother on the weekend, who holds her long enough for me to scrub the counters, floors, pay bills, etc.
I am at the point now where he just stays out without a word. I do not have the freedom to leave whenever I want, especially when breastfeeding, as I do not wish to use bottles to feed her myself. It takes an abundance of effort and planning just to go to the grocery store, and she is usually roused and unhappy before we make it home.
To spend time with friends that I once had is almost a heartbreaking thought. At this point, she eats and wants to be held so much that it wouldn't be enjoyable for most of my young and childrenless friends to be around me regardless. I feel very stuck in my own home, almost like a cave.
So I guess the summary of all this jibberish is...is it wrong for me to feel like I could use more help at home? To feel like we deserve more of his time and effort, even though he works so much?