I delivered my twin boys almost four weeks ago. The first three weeks were extremely difficult, because I ended up with wound cellulitis after my C-section (still battling it), have been dealt shitty hand after hand in the breastfeeding game, overworked myself, it was one thing after another. The one thing that helped was my husband being home with me for those three weeks.
But now my husband is back at work and I'm home alone with the twins.
I knew this was coming, obviously. I know it's been done before, and done successfully. I also know that every parent, at some point, questions whether or not they're a good one. But I feel like I fail at everything, all the time, because I'm not cut out to be a mother. I'm not a career person, and have always wanted to be married to a good man and stay home caring for him and our beautiful children... I even enjoy housework and such. I have everything I ever wanted, and suddenly I'm afraid I never really knew what I wanted at all.
I love my husband and babies more than anything, but I think something's wrong with me. I've actually gotten angry with the babies... and they're BABIES. They're doing what babies do. What kind of person am I that I actually get mad at them?? I have no idea what I'm doing with them without help and it's already been four days. I feel like a megabitch. I yelled at my husband today for taking an hour to get groceries after work. Then I hung up on him, left the twins crying in their swing and bouncy seat, and locked myself in the bedroom with a pillow over my head. They were fed and changed and everything seemed fine, and they STILL WOULDN'T STOP FREAKING CRYING. I didn't know what else to do, so I just walked away. Isn't that neglect?!
I feel like I'm just complete shit. Not necessarily just because of the things I do right or wrong, but for the negative feelings I'm having. Is it normal to feel so angry, toward your own babies for one thing, but also so early on in this new life? I feel like if I were to feel this way at all, I should at least have more of a reason... should have been doing this longer. Mothers... especially TWIN/MULTIPLES MOTHERS... how did you do it? Did you ever feel this way??