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Babies Babies

Sinking

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:44 PM
  • 14 Replies
I am a first time mom to a beautiful 2 month old baby boy and I'm 25. I'm finding it hard to be a stay at home mom and be completely happy with it. I become extremely overwhelmed when he cries even after he has been fed, has a dry diaper and appears to be comfy. My husband and I only have one car so I'm stuck at home all day talking to baby and playing with baby. It's getting to be too much. I feel like if I'm not tending to the baby then my husband is demanding my attention.

I have no desire to have sex anymore and I hate when he tries to initiate it. I'm always so tired and get mad that he doesn't help more often. He works at 6pm and is off by 9pm. I see no reason why I have to do everything. I barely get time to paint my nails, shower or go for a 30minute jog and the house never gets cleaned properly unless I do it. I feel like I'm sinking into this "mommy" identity and loosing myself. My outfits are coordinated around whats easiest to breastfeed in, I have to make all plans around the babies schedule and I just don't know how to adjust to being mommy and Cassie.

I find myself super agitated and my husband and I argue constantly(away from baby of course). I don't feel the happiness and love I used to feel with him. I feel like I'm stuck in this role of doing the same thing day after day. Nothing is ever different. I was on anti anxiety meds before conception and haven't been back to my doctor since going birth to get a breastfeeding safe script. Maybe that's my issue? Anxiety? We are not making bills anymore because my husband works only 3hr days and I took 3 months maternity leave and I was the one making the majority of the money.

I find myself resenting him for that too. Not getting a better job to help support the family he promised to support before I put in for the full 3 months. He has spending habits that I can't control and goes through money like it grows on trees. I

I feel like none of my friends understand what it's like to hate the way you look and be so overwhelmed by being a first time parent and feeling like you're stinking at it. I just need support and need to know that someone out there is going through or has gone through the same thing:(
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
polkaspots
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:52 PM
If he's irresponsible with money, he shouldn't have any. If he can't help you with the baby, then he doesn't deserve to have a baby. Stop doing things for him if he can't do anything for you. Sex should happen when both people want it to. Talk to him about all the things you're mad about and see what he has to say. Explain to him how you feel when he does nothing to help you and wants you to do things for him (sex) when you don't want to. He's not going to change his ways unless you explain how his daily life makes you feel.
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polkaspots
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:58 PM
I accidentally posted before I was done. I've been there on a few of those points. My husband lost his job in January and still hasn't found a new one, which wouldn't be so bad if he was actively looking and not spending money unnecessarily. He spent a few weeks only wanting to be near the baby while he was asleep, I flipped and didn't let him spend any time with either kid for two days. We went to my parents' house for a night. I remember being a ftm too and it's much harder emotionally than I expected. Idk where you live, but you don't have to be inside all day, everyday just because you don't have a car. I've never had a car and I still get out at least two days a week. It gets easier as time goes on.
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la_bella_vita
by Bella on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:15 PM

 ((hugs)) That's a lot on your plate. Do you think you could have post-partum depression? Or you could also have post-partum anxiety? And anxiety can give you feelings of depression.

SunshineRyley
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:33 PM
I will definitely try to speak with him about things. He mostly just takes in one ear out the other but it's time I get serious:) I hope your husband finds a job soon.
YzmaRocks
by Platinum Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:41 PM
Those first few months can be so rough! It does get better once baby settles into a routine. Do you have anyone to help you - mom, MIL, good friend? Also, do you have a baby carrier? It sounds like you may have a high needs baby (believe me, I have been there) and a carrier can be a life saver!
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SunshineRyley
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:11 PM
I just got a carrier a couple days ago and it looks like I should start using it more often to see of that helps. I have my mom but she lives in Colorado and works a lot so it's hard to get a hold of her
Zazayam
by Nicki on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:15 PM
2 moms liked this

There's an adjustment period for sure. I would suggest getting out and about, maybe you could drive him to work a few days a week and keep the car, or take a bus to the library, or even just take a blanket outside if you have a yard. Cabin fever and all.

2 months old? Of course your sex drive isn't what it used to be, you have a whole new life now and (probably) a whole new body. It takes time, have a heart to heart with him and ask him to have patience with you.

You also might want to consider talking to your doctor about PPD, a lot of women go through that and there is help available.

Keep your head up mama, I'm sure you're doing fine and things will get better. :)

dgarcia7
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:02 AM
Trust me, many women feel the same way. I had a lot of resentment at first. It gets better once you can get some sleep. It seems to always be the same story...your life totally changes, mans doesn't. It took some adjustment but it gets better...hang in there!
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angela.bouchard
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:08 AM
This. If you were on anxiety meds before and not now that might be way. I have anxiety and it sky rocketed when my son was born. I literally could not handle him crying. Going on medication changed my life. As for the husband I don't really know what to say. I think most couples struggle during the early months to find themselves and each other again.

Quoting la_bella_vita:

 ((hugs)) That's a lot on your plate. Do you think you could have post-partum depression? Or you could also have post-partum anxiety? And anxiety can give you feelings of depression.

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mommyhonu
by Mary on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:20 AM
(((Hugs)))) I agree with these ladies. Go see a dr n try to get some help. It's always the hardest in the beginning. Hang in there mama!

Quoting angela.bouchard:

This. If you were on anxiety meds before and not now that might be way. I have anxiety and it sky rocketed when my son was born. I literally could not handle him crying. Going on medication changed my life. As for the husband I don't really know what to say. I think most couples struggle during the early months to find themselves and each other again.



Quoting la_bella_vita:

 ((hugs)) That's a lot on your plate. Do you think you could have post-partum depression? Or you could also have post-partum anxiety? And anxiety can give you feelings of depression.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
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