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To Momma with Baby with Severe Separation Anxiety

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:13 PM
  • 8 Replies

I wish you hadn't removed your post, but I understand.  I'm so happy for all these women who live in this fantasy world where they can stay at home with their perfect children and their perfect husbands and judge the rest of us like we are trash.

Really though, I'm sorry you're having problems with your little one.  I have the oposite problem...I don't do well with strangers and my youngling attracts them!  That said, I always try to hide my insecurity and make conversation with the newcomers.  I also try to keep my daughter around people.  When people I know comment on her, I hand her off, I encourage her to play with them and jabber with them.  I don't want her to grow up to be like me (I was one of those kids who didn't do well with strangers and I NEVER stayed anywhere over night...I will be the first to admit I'm not a well adjusted adult).  As she gets older, we'll start working on stranger danger and all of that, but right now she's never anywhere without me or my parents.  

My point, could your anxiety over your baby's reactions be encouraging bad reactions?  It's kinda backwards, but it's all I have to go off of...but I know with my animals (my only children until 7 months ago!), if I am uneasy or nervous they pick up on that and act that way.  My daughter seems to be the same way...when I'm stressing, she's stressing and I have to remove her from the situation (send her to my parents for a bit) so I can get myself back in order.  Anyway, something to look at/observe.  Good luck!  I also read that sometimes using a favorite toy as a distraction can help.

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:13 PM
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by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:38 PM

Missed that post, so I don't have a huge frame of reference, but I can add to this.  I work ft, and my odd had some brutal separation anxiety, and it was tearing me up despite the fact she was 8 mo and we were old pros, and the fact I had worked in a preschool in college and KNEW the minute I left she started to calm down, just like all the kids I taught whose mothers were visibly upset by leaving them in a distressed state.  I remember one would prolong the good byes and her son would just get more and more upset because she was getting more upset- somehow the moms who said a quick goodbye, dropped a kiss, and left did better.  So when odd started her anxiety (and she did this off and on until she was three) I started being very matter of fact, give her a hug and a kiss and go.

With family, and family wanting to hold odd, I found that giving her time to see the family member before passing her off, talking to them while she warmed up, saved us a lot of meltdowns.  Again, since I missed the original post I don't know all the context, but that is what helped us deal with odd's separation anxiety.

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:59 PM
I missed the post :(
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 1:27 AM

Bump so she can see.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:03 AM

missed that post. i want to say i agree with you, i always found when im relaxed my two were always relaxed and they would happily go of with anyone like people they never met before. but it could just be their personality. a friend of mine has a 2year old and she has droped him of in daycare a few times and he would not stay, he screamed everytime for the whole length that she was gone. and she was very relaxed about it. or maybe she was stressed and was good at hiding it from adults. you never know really.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:40 AM


by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:28 PM

 If it's the post I'm thinking of ((Hugs))


by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 8:19 PM

The other post...the lady was asking for help/advise because their child wouldn't even let it's grandparents watch it.  Sorry I'm calling the child it, I don't remember if it was a boy or girl.  Anyway, she said it was so bad if strangers even looked at the child for too long/wrong the child would go into hysterics.  The lady was at her wits end, having been there, I felt really bad for her because the "super moms" were telling her that she was a bad mom for wanting to just leave the child with family for a little bit each day so she could get some time to herself and try to get the child to adjust to being around people other than mommy and daddy.  Some of us don't have options...we have to leave our children so we can work, go to the doctor, buy groceries, etc...hell, I just want to take a shower most days!  I think some of her replies about what she was wanting were poorly worded, but she sounded exhausted and frustrated and we all know how it can get on here.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 8:21 PM
No one called her a bad mom...
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