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 Self soothing...

People say "oh he/she needs to learn to self soothe" Really? So let me ask you this then, When we are crying, hurting,upset can we self soothe w/out any intervention what so ever?  Wouldnt the comfort of someone being there,going for a walk, talking about it, getting a drink of pop, listening to music what ever the case may be... wouldnt that be the only way to really "get over it"  or help you?

sitting there crying and crying till you what,? fall asleep? think of something else? is that really how you can "self soothe" your self? who does this and they feel better? So why let your child do the same? CIO or whatever the case... B/c you know there is something that helps you when you are upset you dont just sit there and keep crying feling alone abandoned etc.. and magically you have "self soothed"???? Is there some prize we get for letting our children "self soothe" How can you be ok with your child needing you/ something and you are doing nothing? teaching them to "self soothe"

CMON y'all, REALLY????

This upsets me so much, I know I cannot be the only one who feels this way!!!

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:05 PM
Replies (11-20):
937mrsweaver
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:36 PM

 

Agree, but how do YOU feel about it? What is your stance on it?

Quoting harajukumoma:

Their kid, their choice. Period


 

CafeMom Tickers
mama-smurf
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:41 PM
I use to agree with CIO but now I don't. Idk how expect tiny innocent babies to self soothe. They cant even hold their heads up or even talk. It's basically like theyre saying "I wanted u for 9 months but now ur on ur own. Cry yourself to sleep while I ignore your cries as I do as I please.
937mrsweaver
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Thats pretty much my stance on it as well... Not everyone may do CIO like that but i am sure alot do.. no matter how it is done IMO it is wrong to do that to your child.

Quoting mama-smurf:

I use to agree with CIO but now I don't. Idk how expect tiny innocent babies to self soothe. They cant even hold their heads up or even talk. It's basically like theyre saying "I wanted u for 9 months but now ur on ur own. Cry yourself to sleep while I ignore your cries as I do as I please.


 

CafeMom Tickers
mama-smurf
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:49 PM
I agree too. I CIO with my son and now at 5 years old he's starving for attention. Acting up, and much more. My 2 year old I did cio and then stopped. She's very independent. I dont do cio with my 5 month old and she's independent too now. She self soothes without crying. If anything, I usually hold her 24 7, now she cries here and there to be put down and sleep and more. They'll self soothe when they're ready,


Quoting 937mrsweaver:

 


Thats pretty much my stance on it as well... Not everyone may do CIO like that but i am sure alot do.. no matter how it is done IMO it is wrong to do that to your child.


Quoting mama-smurf:

I use to agree with CIO but now I don't. Idk how expect tiny innocent babies to self soothe. They cant even hold their heads up or even talk. It's basically like theyre saying "I wanted u for 9 months but now ur on ur own. Cry yourself to sleep while I ignore your cries as I do as I please.



 


kels1023
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree to a certain extent. I think sometimes you do have to let them cry. However I would never let her cry for more than 5 minutes. and I definitely wouldn't do it before a year old. My friends son is 1 and sometimes getting him to sleep is impossible. She will let him cry and usually by 2 or 3 minutes he's asleep. I guess it just depends.
Mandamom1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:53 PM
I wasn't saying YOU were judging, just in general. My stance is I do it but now how you are saying. I go in and comfort my dd and lay her back down, meet her needs if she needs a diaper change, food etc. I don't leave her to cry all night and some people think that's all you do.

Quoting 937mrsweaver:

 


No one is judging anything. It was a simple statement made, I was curious to see what others thought... Instead of accusing me of judging others how about actually replying with a response as to what the question/statement was about in the first place... HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? WHAT IS YOUR STANCE ON "SELF SOOTHING"


Thats the only thing I hate about CM, No one can say anything w/out someone being like "oh who cares" "stop judging" etc etc..


Quoting Mandamom1:


Everyone does things the way they want to with their child. You have your way, they have theirs. To each is own. Why judge what others choose to do? 




 

ELFs_Mommy
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:57 PM
3 moms liked this
I disagree. We used the CIO/self soothe method with both of my DDs starting at about 6 months. We made sure they were fed, had a clean diaper, not in any obvious pain, etc. But there is only so much you can do for them, and only so much screaming and crying a same individual can take before they start losing it. We would always check on them every 5-10 minutes so they knew we hadn't left them and to make sure they were still safe, but we also found that the more we tried to help them calm down, whether is be through holding, talking, singing, walking, or what ever your favorite 'trick' might be, the longer and harder they cried. My kids are 7 and 4 now, and are very independent and happy. If we need to, we will use the same methods for baby #3, who is due in about a month.
cabrandy03
by Brandy on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with you 100%.  I like to someone to talk to or to comfort me when I'm upset so of course my baby would also like to be comforted when upset. It seems neglectful to me to not give a baby or child some ammount of comfort when he or she is upset.

937mrsweaver
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:38 PM

 

I know the world is full of different opinions and views.. thats what obviously makes the world go 'round etc.. But something like this, I feel it should pretty much be common sense, ya know?.. I wished everyone thought as we do, I bet there would be a lot more happy babies in the world which in return make the parents more happy.. so many parents are OMG I only got 5 hours of sleep... Im up 5x a night etc etc.. did they not know that was part of the territory?.. babies are full of suprises you never know what they are gonna do or who they will be.. Its shocks me to know some parents think their kid should automatically get the hang of something or do something right away while still  being so young!! they dont realize these days will be over soon and i bet some will look back and be like damn, i should have cuddled my child when they needed/ wanted me.. one day they wont be able to cuddle or hold and calm them just by being there..

I just wanna scream to the world "PICK YOUR BABY UP, LOVE THEM, STOP FREAKING IGNORING THEM, STOP BEING SO CRUEL AND ONLY WORRYING ABOUT YOUR SLEEP STOP BEING SO SELFISH"!!!!! B/C really thats what it boils down to.. selfishness.

Quoting cabrandy03:

I agree with you 100%.  I like to someone to talk to or to comfort me when I'm upset so of course my baby would also like to be comforted when upset. It seems neglectful to me to not give a baby or child some ammount of comfort when he or she is upset.


 

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harajukumoma
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:50 PM
I believe it can be used and work depending on the baby and the age. Not too young and not too long.


Quoting 937mrsweaver:

 


Agree, but how do YOU feel about it? What is your stance on it?


Quoting harajukumoma:

Their kid, their choice. Period



 


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