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There has to be a better way!

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:10 PM
  • 23 Replies

I have a 2 1/2 year old and an almost 7 week old. Adjusting to two has been really rough so far. I've been so on edge today I'm not sure I can even think straight to write this out correctly. 

From when we get up in the morning until about 5pm it's just me and the kids. Then I see my SO for about 2 hours and he is going to bed. Which leaves me with basically no break at all. I don't know what to do anymore. This morning I had a rough time just trying to make some eggs for breakfast because my 7 week old was crying hysterical by time I was done. She doesn't like to be set down when she is awake. Which I understand, she is a newborn. 

I figured I would pump out milk and that would give my SO an opportunity to help feed her and during that time I could spend a little one on one with my 2year old. That has yet to happen. He isn't comfortable with babies and hasn't changed her diaper. He never did with our 2year old while he was a newborn either. 

We got a hand me down swing which doesn't work and we don't have the money to buy a new one. I think that would do wonders for her or give her something different, different stimulation. I do have two wraps but I have yet to make them work for us. I've been on edge more so today than any other day (I got a depo shot yesterday I'm blaming that for now) 

I need my SO to step up and hold our newborn for more than five minutes. When I go to the bathroom he paces with her and when I am done doing whatever he hands her right back over to me. IDK. I don't know how single moms do it with more than one! I need tips anything please. I've run out of steam for this routine and I need to do something different, very soon!! How do you balance a newborn and a 2/3 year old? If there is a secret please let me know!! lol. 

by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SewingMamaLele
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:26 PM
1 mom liked this
SO needs to help more... He goes to bed at 7???Does he help with dinner, bath and bedtime first?

Having a carrier that works for you is your number one priority, it will make everything easier. Practice, if you don't like wraps, trade for something else to try.

The way you get dad to help with the newbie is to hand her over and leave. Take your other child to the park, or out to ice cream, etc... Dad will get.comfortable when he has more experience. If he won't help with baby when he.gets home, then he does everything else. You need help, you need a break.
dreamarrow
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:30 PM
Do you have wraps(like the mob wrap) or carriers?
lauratupper
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:31 PM


Quoting SewingMamaLele:

SO needs to help more... He goes to bed at 7???Does he help with dinner, bath and bedtime first?

Having a carrier that works for you is your number one priority, it will make everything easier. Practice, if you don't like wraps, trade for something else to try.

The way you get dad to help with the newbie is to hand her over and leave. Take your other child to the park, or out to ice cream, etc... Dad will get.comfortable when he has more experience. If he won't help with baby when he.gets home, then he does everything else. You need help, you need a break.




jackiewal10
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I would figure out how to use your wraps.  I always wear my babies.  While cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.  But you SO needs to get over himself and pick up the slack.  Really, if your BFing, then you should be doing all the feedings at this point.  But HE can do everything else.  Baths, getting dressed, cooking (at least a lot of it), etc.  And if he can't hold her and walk with her for more than 5 minutes, that's a problem.  That's just lazy.

dreamarrow
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:34 PM
Have you tried used stores or craigslist for cheap swings?? I see them on there all the time. I have twin babies and my SO is gone over 12 hours a day(at work) so I know how you feel. It can be really hard. Your SO needs to step up you both had this baby and he should understand that. He needs to be supporting you and helping take care of his child. Not just financially either
alandou
by April on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:06 AM

I'm sorry I can't be of much help :( I've been a sahm for almost 4 years now and I've taken on everything pretty much. We only have one child though, but it was really rough in the beginning because I had PPD and my husband was just clueless about how to take care of our daughter. It's very frustrating when you really need the help though. I would agree with having him take her under his care and you could go somewhere. You don't have to leave for a very long extended amount of time at first because that might make him anxious. Not sure how you feel about leaving her either, but I know I had a bit of anxiety myself once I started letting my husband deal with our daughter more. Only go for as long as you feel comfortable and then maybe you both can ease into it so that if there ever does come a time when you have to be gone for an extended amount of time longer than usual, you'll feel better about it :) I'm working part time in the evenings now and I feel pretty good about my husband taking care of our daughter while I'm away.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:07 PM

 ((hugs)) Adjustments can be tough! I'm blessed that I have a husband who has been very active with helping but since I'm a SAHM I'm obviously on my own a lot of the time too ; ) Baby wraps and carriers are a life saver. I don't know what I would have done without mine. Crock pot dinners, making lists and dividing up chores can make life much easier.

amberlavine
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 10:21 AM

I have the baby K'Tan and a Sash Mei Tai carrier. I've tried both, I can see them working better for us when she can support her head more but until then I can't seem to get her in the right position with the K'Tan and the other I can't learn how to work. 


Quoting dreamarrow:

Do you have wraps(like the mob wrap) or carriers?



amberlavine
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 10:24 AM

He cooks dinner. But as far as everything else he doesn't. I feel like I shouldn't have to ask for the help as far as diaper changes, baths etc. He gets so frazzled and upset easily with our 2 yr old. Our newborn also likes to be walked around, a lot. When he is walking around with her she is fine and doesn't cry. I'm not sure. He has always said how he wanted a better bond with our son but its like he doesn't attempt to take the time/actions for it to happen and it will be the same way with our daughter if it stays this way. I need to find a different carrier that will work for me now so I can get more done.


Quoting jackiewal10:

I would figure out how to use your wraps.  I always wear my babies.  While cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.  But you SO needs to get over himself and pick up the slack.  Really, if your BFing, then you should be doing all the feedings at this point.  But HE can do everything else.  Baths, getting dressed, cooking (at least a lot of it), etc.  And if he can't hold her and walk with her for more than 5 minutes, that's a problem.  That's just lazy.



jackiewal10
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 10:38 AM

I would get either a Boba or a Moby wrap.  OR get a ring sling.  I personally prefer the wrap for newborns.  It will allow you to be totally hands free.

Quoting amberlavine:

I have the baby K'Tan and a Sash Mei Tai carrier. I've tried both, I can see them working better for us when she can support her head more but until then I can't seem to get her in the right position with the K'Tan and the other I can't learn how to work. 


Quoting dreamarrow:

Do you have wraps(like the mob wrap) or carriers?




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