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Husband needs to learn

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2013 at 4:26 AM
  • 15 Replies

So my husband is making me a little crazy lately. I just started back to my job after maternity leave yesterday. He went back to work a week after the babe was born. He is still so uncomfortable being alone with our son! He is 12 weeks old and it don't know if it's because he doesn't want to take care of him or he just doesn't know what to do with him? 

Heres an example..when Luke was about 3 weeks old I was ready to venture out of the house but didn't want to take the babe out yet. So left my husband and baby at home and went to target. Got home and he laid poopy socks, pants on the kitchen counter, said they had a 'blow out' and didn't know what to do with it! Lol.

He had him for about 4 hours alone yesterday, and I asked what they did,- he said he fed him, burped him and held him. So he sat there and held the baby for 3 hours?! Why couldn't he have played with him, read him a story or give him a bath? He didn't start dinner or pick anything up in the house. And it's 8:00 at night, And he is sitting there holding our sleeping baby and says can you take him, I'm starving I need to eat something. Well why didn't you put the baby down and go feed your self? And in my head I just want to scream- I just left my baby for 12 hours, I'm exhausted, I'm sad that I'm back to work and now he is showing me he can't take care of himself and the baby, it just makes me nervous.

so anyway to get to the point, after that any time he knows it's just going to be him and the baby, he asks his parents to come over. I'm going to work on Friday and it will be the first day he has him for 12 hours and his parents are coming to help him. I don't know why it just bothers me, I just wish he would take this time to bond with him on and get to know what his needs are. I mean at least he knows he needs help but come on!

I don't know what I'm really asking but I just don't what to say or do, or is this normal for men to be this uncomfortable with their own baby?

by on Nov. 13, 2013 at 4:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kierakelly
by on Nov. 13, 2013 at 5:52 AM
2 moms liked this

Wow, looks like he needs a crash course on baby care.  He is probably just nervous especially if he has never been around babies before.  It is scary for them.  Look around your area and see if there is a daddy class or something of that sort.  Also ask him what he is uncomforatble with and maybe set up times when your home where he can practice being the caregiver when your in the background somewhere.

Tckosdk.2012
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this

Just keep leaving him with the baby. Practice makes perfect. Some men don't know what to do with a baby especially when they are infants. He'll learn & he will have more fun with him when the baby is alittle older, like walking & talking.

Zazayam
by Nicki on Nov. 13, 2013 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this

Is it his first time being around a tiny baby? They're kind of terrifying to some people. Practice makes perfect, he'll get the hang of it. Try telling him what needs to be done, that it's ok to put the baby down, stuff that you really don't think you need to tell him.. I mean don't yell at him about it, he's probably just nervous and honestly DOESN'T know what he's supposed to be doing :)

Turtledoves
by Ruby Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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Honestly, it sounds like he's doing pretty good! It doesn't come so naturally to men. At least he's not just letting the baby lay in a crib and saying "I don't know what else to do." He is taking care of the baby, changing and feeding the baby, and holding the baby. He may not understand how to juggle taking care of the baby and taking care of himself - it's not easy. Guys are usually pretty afraid of tiny babies and breaking them, and they don't have the instincts that tell them to do anything. 

My husband was afraid just to change a newborn's diaper. Like, terrified. It would take him forever to do it, he didn't know which way to wipe, which way the diaper went on, and then he was afraid of holding up the legs and hurting the baby. He asked questions every five seconds, he was so uncomfortable doing it. I'd say your husband is doing a good job concuring that fear, he just needs more help in how to combine care for him and baby. 

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Nov. 13, 2013 at 12:59 PM

 

Quoting Tckosdk.2012:

Just keep leaving him with the baby. Practice makes perfect. Some men don't know what to do with a baby especially when they are infants. He'll learn & he will have more fun with him when the baby is alittle older, like walking & talking.

 This

Luke8212013
by Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 4:00 PM

I guess you guys are right. It's a juggling act for sure and men just don't multi-task,lol. Maybe my expectations (and hormones) are a little high. I do think that I'm doing my best to teach him what we need to do, half the time I'm not sure myself...

thank you for the advice, I just going to keep leaving him with the babe and showing him different tips and be there to support him if needed. :)

AbbeysMom2013
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I understand. My daughter is six months old, I am a sahm. I only left her three times, I didn't really have an option.

I have a dentist appointment next month and I told my husband in scared to leave the baby with him. He does feed her, but he never fixes her bottle or cereal. She will only let me put her to sleep. But he says he doesn't do those things because I always step in and do it. He said he isn't super comfortable with her because I always step in. He asked me to just let him to it.

I know I'm very overbearing when it comes to her. I think he will get comfortable the more he is alone with your son. And maybe a little more comfortable as he gets a little bigger and isn't so fragile.
KarenM42
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 6:32 PM
My husband & I have a similar situation: I work days, he works evenings. I was nervous to leave him alone with our baby but he ended up doing just fine! He eventually figured stuff out and even put baby on a feeding & nap schedule, which I hadn't done while on maternity leave (I have been back to work for 6 months now). He is now such a pro that he advises me when I'm home during the day. "It's his nap time now, sweetie." "You couldn't get the poop stain out of his clothes? Let me show you how I do it." It is awesome!

My husband is among the few who truly understand what it means to care for a baby. The greatest benefit has been his relationship with our son. I don't believe they truly bonded until he started caring for him while I was at work. They are now best buddies.

Perhaps its good that your husband can admit that he is not ready to do this alone & is having his parents over for help. I'm sure they will give him some advice as well.

I understand your fears & concerns, but this may end up being an ideal situation for your family, just as it was for mine! And remember that your husband may do things differently than you would do them & that's okay. Give him time & he will figure things out!
Luke8212013
by Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 6:47 PM
1 mom liked this


Thank you so much for what you wrote here. It made me smile and feel really good. I know that once Luke gets older he and my husband will have fun together and be best buds. You put my mind at ease and I am now excited to see how their relationships changes and grows now that I am back to work.

thank you :). 

Quoting KarenM42:

My husband & I have a similar situation: I work days, he works evenings. I was nervous to leave him alone with our baby but he ended up doing just fine! He eventually figured stuff out and even put baby on a feeding & nap schedule, which I hadn't done while on maternity leave (I have been back to work for 6 months now). He is now such a pro that he advises me when I'm home during the day. "It's his nap time now, sweetie." "You couldn't get the poop stain out of his clothes? Let me show you how I do it." It is awesome!

My husband is among the few who truly understand what it means to care for a baby. The greatest benefit has been his relationship with our son. I don't believe they truly bonded until he started caring for him while I was at work. They are now best buddies.

Perhaps its good that your husband can admit that he is not ready to do this alone & is having his parents over for help. I'm sure they will give him some advice as well.

I understand your fears & concerns, but this may end up being an ideal situation for your family, just as it was for mine! And remember that your husband may do things differently than you would do them & that's okay. Give him time & he will figure things out!



megandwade
by on Nov. 13, 2013 at 6:55 PM

I think it sounds like he's doing pretty good also! He maybe trying his best..

My DH had an adverse reaction when we had our son. He was all gung ho and wanted a baby but then when the baby actually arrived he made every excuse possible to not be home! He refused to be left alone with our DS for the first few months and he barely helped with him at all. It was really hard on me and our relationship! He admitted at first he was just scared and then I think the fear of responsibility set in.. Now, our DS is 2 and he's the best dad ever it just took him awhile to get into the swing of it.. Thank goodness he finally came around!

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