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Separation anxiety tips

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 9:36 AM
  • 13 Replies

Ds is 12 months, will be 13 on the 28th.   I thought his sepeation anxiety was bad a few months ago, but this week it's gotten way worse.  I dropped him off at daycare Monday and Tuesday and both days he tried to run after me when I left and he cried when the daycare worker picked him up.  He's been in daycare since August and he was 8 months and he's never done this before.  And at home I can't even leave the room without him running after me and crying.  Last night when I got home from work I was playing with him in the living room and he went to play with one of his toys and I was walking out to the kitchen to get something to drink and he ran and screamed after me.  I don't know how to handle it without making it worse.  How do I make this better for him? 

by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 9:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
myempyreofdirt
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 9:50 AM
I've always done what I normally do during those phases. I spoke to ds' doctor during the first one and that's what he suggested, to show ds that mommy does come back. So far that has worked. He's 12 months old and does well without me most of the time. Of course I talk to him, tell him I'll be back, etc. I'm a sahm so we haven't dealt with daycare, but he does sometimes go places with family and does great.
la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jan. 22, 2014 at 12:34 PM

 I'm not sure, bump!

LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 4:15 PM

I'm not looking forward to that...mine is 8 months and I hear it usually starts at 9 months.  He has been wonderful about always going to family/friends/daycare.  He loves his daycare ladies and has big smiles for them and goes right to them. 

Thankfully, DH does daycare drop off so I won't have to have the heartbreak every morning any more than I already do.

shoot4thestars
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 10:16 PM


Quoting myempyreofdirt: I've always done what I normally do during those phases. I spoke to ds' doctor during the first one and that's what he suggested, to show ds that mommy does come back. So far that has worked. He's 12 months old and does well without me most of the time. Of course I talk to him, tell him I'll be back, etc. I'm a sahm so we haven't dealt with daycare, but he does sometimes go places with family and does great.


I'm trying to act as normal as possible when I take him to daycare or when he gets rowled up when I'm just walking into another room, but its so hard sometimes.   I hope this phase doesn't last too long. 

shoot4thestars
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 10:18 PM


Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

I'm not looking forward to that...mine is 8 months and I hear it usually starts at 9 months.  He has been wonderful about always going to family/friends/daycare.  He loves his daycare ladies and has big smiles for them and goes right to them. 

Thankfully, DH does daycare drop off so I won't have to have the heartbreak every morning any more than I already do.

Around 9 or 10 months is when I started noticing DS getting rowled up when I sat him down or walked into another room.  He's never cried the way he has though this past week before.  Maybe this is what true seperation anxiety is.  I hope it doesn't last too long.

myempyreofdirt
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 10:35 PM
Really that's what he needs, to see that everything is ok and it's just part of the routine. It is very hard though. Our instincts tell us to fix it, not walk away.

Quoting shoot4thestars:


Quoting myempyreofdirt: I've always done what I normally do during those phases. I spoke to ds' doctor during the first one and that's what he suggested, to show ds that mommy does come back. So far that has worked. He's 12 months old and does well without me most of the time. Of course I talk to him, tell him I'll be back, etc. I'm a sahm so we haven't dealt with daycare, but he does sometimes go places with family and does great.


I'm trying to act as normal as possible when I take him to daycare or when he gets rowled up when I'm just walking into another room, but its so hard sometimes.   I hope this phase doesn't last too long. 

LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 7:35 AM

 I apparently spoke too soon...last night Bug was in his highchair and I went into the kitchen (DH was already in the kitchen) which is not visible from the dining room.  He let out such a cry and then quieted as soon as I came back into the dining room.  Here's how I handled it:  I walked into the room and said "Mommy is right here.  I'll be right back."  Then I went back into the kitchen for a minute and came back and said "See, Mommy came right back."  I did that a few times so he would get the idea that I would always come right back for him. 

Again, so glad he likes day care and the ladies there and that DH does drop off.  He also seems fine as long as SOMEONE is there. 

Quoting shoot4thestars:

 

Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

I'm not looking forward to that...mine is 8 months and I hear it usually starts at 9 months.  He has been wonderful about always going to family/friends/daycare.  He loves his daycare ladies and has big smiles for them and goes right to them. 

Thankfully, DH does daycare drop off so I won't have to have the heartbreak every morning any more than I already do.

Around 9 or 10 months is when I started noticing DS getting rowled up when I sat him down or walked into another room.  He's never cried the way he has though this past week before.  Maybe this is what true seperation anxiety is.  I hope it doesn't last too long.

 

LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 7:36 AM

 From what I've read and what I found pre-Mommyhood when I used to babysit was that the parents always made it worse.  You have to say goodbye and that you'll come back soon.  And then let the other caretaker deal with it.  It's so much harder now when it's your own kid and you feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest.

Quoting myempyreofdirt: Really that's what he needs, to see that everything is ok and it's just part of the routine. It is very hard though. Our instincts tell us to fix it, not walk away.

Quoting shoot4thestars:

 

Quoting myempyreofdirt: I've always done what I normally do during those phases. I spoke to ds' doctor during the first one and that's what he suggested, to show ds that mommy does come back. So far that has worked. He's 12 months old and does well without me most of the time. Of course I talk to him, tell him I'll be back, etc. I'm a sahm so we haven't dealt with daycare, but he does sometimes go places with family and does great.

 

I'm trying to act as normal as possible when I take him to daycare or when he gets rowled up when I'm just walking into another room, but its so hard sometimes.   I hope this phase doesn't last too long. 

 

myempyreofdirt
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:17 AM
Yeah, it definitely doesn't feel like you're helping when you walk away. If it helps at all I've done it with my son and he's doing great. He's social and confident, loves trying new things.

Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

 From what I've read and what I found pre-Mommyhood when I used to babysit was that the parents always made it worse.  You have to say goodbye and that you'll come back soon.  And then let the other caretaker deal with it.  It's so much harder now when it's your own kid and you feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest.


Quoting myempyreofdirt: Really that's what he needs, to see that everything is ok and it's just part of the routine. It is very hard though. Our instincts tell us to fix it, not walk away.


Quoting shoot4thestars:

 


Quoting myempyreofdirt: I've always done what I normally do during those phases. I spoke to ds' doctor during the first one and that's what he suggested, to show ds that mommy does come back. So far that has worked. He's 12 months old and does well without me most of the time. Of course I talk to him, tell him I'll be back, etc. I'm a sahm so we haven't dealt with daycare, but he does sometimes go places with family and does great.

 


I'm trying to act as normal as possible when I take him to daycare or when he gets rowled up when I'm just walking into another room, but its so hard sometimes.   I hope this phase doesn't last too long. 


 

shoot4thestars
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 11:19 AM

That's what ds started doing a few months ago.  I always tell him I will be right back and will always come back for him.  I have to do the drop off and DH picks him up from daycare.   Last night when I got home I told him, 'See, I always come back to see you!"  I just hope he doesn't ever think I will leave him and not come back.  

Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

 I apparently spoke too soon...last night Bug was in his highchair and I went into the kitchen (DH was already in the kitchen) which is not visible from the dining room.  He let out such a cry and then quieted as soon as I came back into the dining room.  Here's how I handled it:  I walked into the room and said "Mommy is right here.  I'll be right back."  Then I went back into the kitchen for a minute and came back and said "See, Mommy came right back."  I did that a few times so he would get the idea that I would always come right back for him. 

Again, so glad he likes day care and the ladies there and that DH does drop off.  He also seems fine as long as SOMEONE is there. 

Quoting shoot4thestars:


Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

I'm not looking forward to that...mine is 8 months and I hear it usually starts at 9 months.  He has been wonderful about always going to family/friends/daycare.  He loves his daycare ladies and has big smiles for them and goes right to them. 

Thankfully, DH does daycare drop off so I won't have to have the heartbreak every morning any more than I already do.

Around 9 or 10 months is when I started noticing DS getting rowled up when I sat him down or walked into another room.  He's never cried the way he has though this past week before.  Maybe this is what true seperation anxiety is.  I hope it doesn't last too long.



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