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Babies Babies

Help

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2014 at 12:44 PM
  • 16 Replies
Okay so this probably isn't the right forum but I'm new to this site and not sure how to navigate it, I have a 5 week old baby girl and a 4 year old boy (who is my step son that I've raised since he was 6 months) I love my husband and for the first 10 days after our daughter was born he was wonderful with her and now... he's terrible, if she cries for more than 2 minutes he gets pissy and puts her down, as a result she doesn't want anything to do with him and he knows it, he loves her so much but he's not trying at all, and I'm not getting any help from him what so ever, I'm up with her all night while he sleeps peacefully, I woke him up once about 10 days ago to feed her because I had been up with her all night and he flipped out and we fought for hours (not helpful at all) I don't know what to do anymore, our relationship is suffering, I'm depressed as well as exhausted. Advice? Kind words? Anything!?
by on Jul. 5, 2014 at 12:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tiff22Faith
by Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 1:37 PM

I can somewhat sympathize. You need to sit him down with the kids out of the house. Ask your parents or someone to watch them for a few hours. You need to only have the two of you in your home just in case it becomes a screaming match. Explain to him that this isn't fair to you. Tell him that he should help at night as well even if it is just making sure a diaper and bottle are ready so you can handle her crying. Explain to him how you feel about all this. I know how I would. When my SO wasn't at least helping me with diapers and bottles, I felt like I couldn't be me. I was just a mother and not a human being with feelings of my own. It took several times of addressing the problem but things are better. You have to remember to not get angry while talking to him. But also explain that fighting about who does what for the child you both love. He is her father. If he wants her to consider him a dad, he NEEDS to help when she cries at night. She has to bond with him as well. I wish you the best of luck. I am sorry you have to go through this. 

wife-4-life
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 3:04 PM
I'm sorry.

I can't say I have any advice. My DH works 70-80hrs a week and I was always the one up with babies (I'm a SAHM). He helped a bit right after my c-sections but when I was able to do it myself, I did. My DH doesn't care too much for baby stage. He likes the toddler stage and is much more help with my toddlers. My FIL had nothing to do with his babies- wouldn't even change a single diaper. Some men just suck with the baby stage.

Like the previous poster mentioned, tell your DH about your feelings. Talk to him. Gotta have the open communication. If that doesn't help, maybe ask a family member to come stay with you to help or go stay with a family.
MusherMaggie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 4:00 PM
1 mom liked this
As DH what HE'S feeling, and how you can help him help you. They tend to take the crying personally, not realizing that babies are just trying to get used to the world. Feed the baby, get her in a good mood, and hand her off to Dad for a bath--daddies are great at that.
Mom2Just1
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 4:21 PM
My husband always changed diapers in the middle of the night and I nurse them. Have to set him down and tell him to deal.
abra
by Abra on Jul. 5, 2014 at 7:27 PM
This is good advice! You and your DH are a team and need to work through this together sometime when you both aren't exhausted or half awake. It would be great if you could hire a sitter and go on a date together. Ask him how you can help him!

Quoting MusherMaggie: As DH what HE'S feeling, and how you can help him help you. They tend to take the crying personally, not realizing that babies are just trying to get used to the world. Feed the baby, get her in a good mood, and hand her off to Dad for a bath--daddies are great at that.
abra
by Abra on Jul. 5, 2014 at 7:34 PM
Oh goodness! This is truly frightening marital advice.

A husband and wife are on the same team. Don't ever talk to your husband like he is a child. If he wanted his mother around, he could have gone and lived in her basement instead of marrying and having kids. If you want your husband to be more involved joyfully (and not hate you for asking him to be), you neat to treat him kindly with respect.


Quoting Mom2Just1: My husband always changed diapers in the middle of the night and I nurse them. Have to set him down and tell him to deal.
mummyoftwins92
by Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 7:41 PM
Same thing happened to me when I had my twins. . It only got worse for me, I did EVERYTHING for them while he slept all night and all morning, then he he started going out all the time. I put up with it until they were about 1 and a 1/2 then I left him. I'm now with someone who helps me..
In saying that I'm not saying leave him or anything just with my experience don't let it go on for to long! Is there a way you can talk to him or even a family member you can talk to and maybe they can talk to him. Was he like this with your previous child?


Quoting Ckj1988: Okay so this probably isn't the right forum but I'm new to this site and not sure how to navigate it, I have a 5 week old baby girl and a 4 year old boy (who is my step son that I've raised since he was 6 months) I love my husband and for the first 10 days after our daughter was born he was wonderful with her and now... he's terrible, if she cries for more than 2 minutes he gets pissy and puts her down, as a result she doesn't want anything to do with him and he knows it, he loves her so much but he's not trying at all, and I'm not getting any help from him what so ever, I'm up with her all night while he sleeps peacefully, I woke him up once about 10 days ago to feed her because I had been up with her all night and he flipped out and we fought for hours (not helpful at all) I don't know what to do anymore, our relationship is suffering, I'm depressed as well as exhausted. Advice? Kind words? Anything!?
Mom2Just1
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 7:50 PM
Maybe to you. But her husband is being childish and I don't put up with crap like that. Thankfully, my husband's parents raised him to be a man and not a man child. Honestly, I didn't date guys who were childish. But my husband is very involved and does it joyfully. I've learned you and I will never agree and that's okay. I don't live your life thankfully.

Quoting abra: Oh goodness! This is truly frightening marital advice.

A husband and wife are on the same team. Don't ever talk to your husband like he is a child. If he wanted his mother around, he could have gone and lived in her basement instead of marrying and having kids. If you want your husband to be more involved joyfully (and not hate you for asking him to be), you neat to treat him kindly with respect.


Quoting Mom2Just1: My husband always changed diapers in the middle of the night and I nurse them. Have to set him down and tell him to deal.
abra
by Abra on Jul. 5, 2014 at 7:52 PM
Wow!! Good luck with that.

Quoting Mom2Just1: Maybe to you. But her husband is being childish and I don't put up with crap like that. Thankfully, my husband's parents raised him to be a man and not a man child. Honestly, I didn't date guys who were childish. But my husband is very involved and does it joyfully. I've learned you and I will never agree and that's okay. I don't live your life thankfully.

Quoting abra: Oh goodness! This is truly frightening marital advice.

A husband and wife are on the same team. Don't ever talk to your husband like he is a child. If he wanted his mother around, he could have gone and lived in her basement instead of marrying and having kids. If you want your husband to be more involved joyfully (and not hate you for asking him to be), you neat to treat him kindly with respect.


Quoting Mom2Just1: My husband always changed diapers in the middle of the night and I nurse them. Have to set him down and tell him to deal.
Mom2Just1
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 8:10 PM
?

Quoting abra: Wow!! Good luck with that.

Quoting Mom2Just1: Maybe to you. But her husband is being childish and I don't put up with crap like that. Thankfully, my husband's parents raised him to be a man and not a man child. Honestly, I didn't date guys who were childish. But my husband is very involved and does it joyfully. I've learned you and I will never agree and that's okay. I don't live your life thankfully.

Quoting abra: Oh goodness! This is truly frightening marital advice.

A husband and wife are on the same team. Don't ever talk to your husband like he is a child. If he wanted his mother around, he could have gone and lived in her basement instead of marrying and having kids. If you want your husband to be more involved joyfully (and not hate you for asking him to be), you neat to treat him kindly with respect.


Quoting Mom2Just1: My husband always changed diapers in the middle of the night and I nurse them. Have to set him down and tell him to deal.
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