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Two weeks into the game and I realize I'm just a terrible mother.

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:43 AM
  • 39 Replies
I had my son, Jaxon, on October 1st. I was induced at 39 weeks (elective induction so my dad who lives out of the country could be there for the birth (my first selfish decision, I know)). I also had an epidural because I could not endure the pain of the induced contractions two hours after I was started on pitocin and my water was broken. The epidural was clearly my second selfish mistake. I have tried breastfeeding for almost 2 weeks now and I've finally decided that it just isn't for me. I am solely responsible for all of the housework, in addition to going back to work 6 days after I had my baby. I just don't have time to do everything AND have the baby stuck to me 24/7. So I started out just supplementing with formula at night, and after seeing how much easier formula feeding is than breastfeeding and pumping, I've decided that I'd rather enjoy spending time with my son and letting my fiance help with feeding (since he won't help with anything else really) than dread the next feeding session and cry from the pain and inconvenience of breastfeeding. My final selfish decision is letting my baby fall asleep next to me in bed before moving him to his swing so I can get an hour or two of sleep each night. My fiance has 6 sisters and they are all too eager to tell me everything I've done wrong with my son so far, emphasizing the horrible decision to quit breastfeeding. I do feel guilty about not breastfeeding, and I cry a lot pretty much every time I go to make a bottle for him. But he sleeps so much better on the formula and seems to be all around more content. I know in my heart that I've made the best decision for both of us, but why does everyone else think they need to tell me what the right thing is??? I'm so sick of it. Has anyone else had similar experiences with people telling them how to be a "better" mother? Please no lecturing or preaching, I've heard enough. All I'm asking for is personal experience and advice so I don't feel quite so alone over here!!!
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:43 AM
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by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 8:51 AM
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Honestly sounds like my reply to anyone would be to shove it. They do not have to like how you do things and if it bugs them that bad then they can stay away. Put your foot down and tell them to go deal with there own lives. Stop stressing about everyone else and do what is best for you.
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:04 AM

After having my daughter and returning to work 3 mnths after that, I like you tried to breastfeed her when I got home through the night and pump at work. It is not realistically possible for some ppl, so you are not in the wrong at all for stopping. As for others, tell them to mind their own business, its your life your baby and your health (mental, sleep, etc) Best of luck!! Hang in there.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:33 AM

None of those things make you a terrible mother (or selfish, for that matter). Stand up for yourself and tell them to keep their opinions to themselves, or to expect you to not speak to them until they can do so.

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 9:40 AM

Breastfeeding is hard.  With my first I cried for the first 6 weeks, determined to stop at 6 weeks.....then at 6 weeks it became painless and easy.  Now with my 5 kids I have nursed for over a decade combined.  I remember wanting to quit though vividly.  I had a lot of good support.....maybe they are just trying to offer you some support for continuing?

by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:26 AM
None of what you described sounds selfish. You don't need people in your life that going to put you down about the decisions you've made.
by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:36 AM

I just wanted to say that you should NEVER have baby in bed with you if you're not breastfeeding. Other than that, what you do is up to you :)

by Gold Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:31 AM

I agree with most posters, however, my daughter was strictly on formula by the time she was four months and we bed shared. Still do and she is 20 months.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:05 PM
1 mom liked this

People always have opinions on babies, and if you talk about them you'll likely receive and give them based on your views & experience.  Take what you want & leave the rest.  If you don't want to potentially hear things you don't like then discussion isn't a good bet.

Not following "the book" doesn't make you a bad mother.

Sounds like you need some time away from people to settle into your new role as a mother.  Surrounding yourself with negativity will really put you in a bad place, and with your hormones out of whack that's not what you need!

Find out what's going on in our journey in my pregnancy journal...
from 27 weeks | 28 weeks | ...

by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:56 PM

People always want to shove their opinions down your throat especially when you are a new mom. I'll never forget some of the whoppers I was told, by my 4th any comments I got I just smiled and said thanks for your opinion. 

you are not selfish, you are not a terrible mom. ((hugs)) I was hard on myself as a first time mom too.

by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 2:16 PM
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