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SCREAM **2nd update in purple!**

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:47 PM
  • 45 Replies

I had my daughter on Monday, and so far I have HATED every minute of it. I have never wanted to be a mom, and now that feeling has really hit me. I am not saying that I don't feed her and what not, I just don't want to. I hate when I hear her cry, and hate having to go to her. I want life the way it was. When I found out I was prego I considered all my options, and was to afraid to have an abortion. I think mainly because I thought it would end my marriage. Now, I wish I would have. I am hoping this feeling will go away. But I don't know. I get the feeling of wanting to run, and I don't want to because I cant live without my best friend, my husband. What do I do? I am getting so depressed, and  i am seriously starting to hate life. I am crying as I write this. Please, I beg you all to have a heart and help me, and not bash me.

So I went to the doctor today, and she told me that I do have PPD. She also decided to put me on some medication, which she said will help. I have also been instructed not to be alone with the baby, so my husbands family (mainly his mom) is going to help me with this while he works. I am still unclear about being alone by myself, but we will see as time goes. I also was given my doctors cell number, she said if I ever needed her, to call. She wants me to call with updates on how I am doing and such. Whether its me or my husband who calls. She also wants me to call before I do anything stupid. I am glad I have such a nice doctor. Thank you all for all of your advice and support. I hope to be doing better sometime soon. For now, its a waiting game.

OK, so I thought I would give another update. My depression had gotten worse, and the type pf medication the Dr put me on was one of the causes. Also, many other negative things happened in the same month. I lost my grandmother, my job, my car, and my health. Well things have started to turn around. I got my job back, with a better paying position, and I am on a medication that is helping. Also, I have started counseling which has done wonders so far! I am now looking forward to each day, and not so afraid of it. Also, I have been able to spend a little more time with my daughter each day, so that's good. I am still working on my bond with her, but I know it will get here one day; hopefully sometime soon! Thanks to all who was there for me!@

baby

Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rriley
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:50 PM

It sounds like you are dealing with Post Partum Depression.  Please call your dr.  He can help you through this.  Most mom's go through it at some point.  One thing I have always wanted was to be a mom and there were times when I felt exactly how you do with all three of mine.  I had to go on meds this week for PPD.  It is something serious so please go talk to someone and get help. 

mama2jarednrae
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:54 PM

Does you dh know how your feeling??? Just talk to him...hopefully its just a phase w/ PPD but I do recomend calling the dr 1st thing monday morning this is serious....and just let your dh take care of the baby or a close relative until you are feeling better!!! But honestly you need help!  I hope the best for you and your baby!

Amber: Wife to Mike (10/20/07) Mother to Jared (04/07/04) , Raegen (05/23/08) & planning for # 3

Shluna105
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:55 PM

I am not saying that I don't want to love her. Its just soo hard! I am having soe serious end my life thoughts! I dont want to do it. But I can't help but think about it. I feel so overwhelmed. I just dont know if I can do it. I just hope people are mature enought to not respond if they dont have anything nice or helpful to say!

mama2jarednrae
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 8:02 PM

Im sure you wouldn't intend to hurt her or yourself....but PPD and depression can make you do crazy things...and you don't want to take the risk....
and i know it can be hard if you weren't planning for a baby and here you are w/ a baby that came and tottally changed everything....that can be rough...

Amber: Wife to Mike (10/20/07) Mother to Jared (04/07/04) , Raegen (05/23/08) & planning for # 3

JessicaB86
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 8:08 PM

Ok I misunderstood you. Definitely talk to your doctor. You are going through postpartum depression. They have medication that will help you get through it. I promise things will get better. It's so hard at first... but it gets better and the out come is so worth it.

Quoting Shluna105:

I am not saying that I don't want to love her. Its just soo hard! I am having soe serious end my life thoughts! I dont want to do it. But I can't help but think about it. I feel so overwhelmed. I just dont know if I can do it. I just hope people are mature enought to not respond if they dont have anything nice or helpful to say!


hot_momma88
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 8:12 PM

This sounds like PPD to me. Have you told anyone(ie. your doctor) that you are feeling this way? I think that you REALLY need to talk to somebody. THIS particular forum isn't really the place because you will find your plea for help falls on some judgemental ears. If you would like to PM me, please do. I know how much just saying it out loud(or even on line) can be very theraputic. I hope you find a way to deal with this and know there are people there for you to help you deal with these feelings.

You are not a bad mother. You said that you are taking care of your baby and that is the most important thing. Lots of mothers feel resentful of their children after giving birth. The good thing is that you realize that there is something wrong, and that these feelings are not good for YOUR own well being. Again please PM me if you need to talk.




If you're an Awesome mom, come tell us why at http://www.cafemom.com/group/Awesomemoms

chairhead28
by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2008 at 8:14 PM

You just have to deal with it. My father died (my best friend) 5 weeks before I had my daughter. It was unexpected. He was given 6-8 months to live on June 24th of this year (he had been fighting a rare type of follicular lymphoma for over four years) and he died on 8/8/08. So, he didn't even make it two months. There are days I want to stay in bed and not take care of my newborn. I also have an 18 month old I need to take care of. I do it because I have to. I WANT to, because I love my kids, but some days it's so hard. I just want to lay in bed and cry. Not do anything. My husband tries to help as much as he can, but I'm soley breastfeeding and my little one loves to comfort nurse, so I feel like I'm attached to her 24/7. She won't take a bottle of breastmilk, so I rarely get out and get to clear my head. It's hard. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I know what you mean though. You just want your old life back...but think of what you're getting instead of your old life... a beautiful new life you can start with your best friend, your husband, and your new daughter.

I hope no one bashes you because I'm sure everyone's felt this at one time or another. New mom's go through so many different emotions. You really need to talk to your doctor. We can help you by talking to you, but your doctor can prescribe some type of meds or something.. or therapy. *Hugs* take care.


SamanthaAgain
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:10 PM

The other posters are right.  You need to get to your doctor.  Go as a walk in tomorrow if that's your only option.  Post partum depression is serious business.  It can lead to post partum psychosis which could make you hurt your baby.  (Remember the lady who drown her kids in the bathtub?  That's what she had)  Your doctor can give you medication and other resources to help you.  Lots of moms go through this, it's not something to be ashamed of.  They will not take your daughter for admitting it.  Please get help.

famblink35.gifMy2thBlinkie.gifstepmom.gifTattoed Mommy




MNMOM08
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:17 PM

GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM RIGHT NOW AND GET SOME HELP! 

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT BUT PPD IS VERY VERY SERIOUS.

PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DH AND THEN GO TO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR THAT PRCIOUS LITTLE NEW LIFE YOU HAVE CRATED!

momma3kids
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:22 PM

Definitely get into your doctor.  If they can't see you right away, then go into an after-hours place or even the hospital!  They can prescribe meds and even therapy.  Postpartum depression is so common and you need to take care of it so you can get to feeling better.

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