I had my daughter on Monday, and so far I have HATED every minute of it. I have never wanted to be a mom, and now that feeling has really hit me. I am not saying that I don't feed her and what not, I just don't want to. I hate when I hear her cry, and hate having to go to her. I want life the way it was. When I found out I was prego I considered all my options, and was to afraid to have an abortion. I think mainly because I thought it would end my marriage. Now, I wish I would have. I am hoping this feeling will go away. But I don't know. I get the feeling of wanting to run, and I don't want to because I cant live without my best friend, my husband. What do I do? I am getting so depressed, and i am seriously starting to hate life. I am crying as I write this. Please, I beg you all to have a heart and help me, and not bash me.
So I went to the doctor today, and she told me that I do have PPD. She also decided to put me on some medication, which she said will help. I have also been instructed not to be alone with the baby, so my husbands family (mainly his mom) is going to help me with this while he works. I am still unclear about being alone by myself, but we will see as time goes. I also was given my doctors cell number, she said if I ever needed her, to call. She wants me to call with updates on how I am doing and such. Whether its me or my husband who calls. She also wants me to call before I do anything stupid. I am glad I have such a nice doctor. Thank you all for all of your advice and support. I hope to be doing better sometime soon. For now, its a waiting game.
OK, so I thought I would give another update. My depression had gotten worse, and the type pf medication the Dr put me on was one of the causes. Also, many other negative things happened in the same month. I lost my grandmother, my job, my car, and my health. Well things have started to turn around. I got my job back, with a better paying position, and I am on a medication that is helping. Also, I have started counseling which has done wonders so far! I am now looking forward to each day, and not so afraid of it. Also, I have been able to spend a little more time with my daughter each day, so that's good. I am still working on my bond with her, but I know it will get here one day; hopefully sometime soon! Thanks to all who was there for me!@