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SCREAM **2nd update in purple!**

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I had my daughter on Monday, and so far I have HATED every minute of it. I have never wanted to be a mom, and now that feeling has really hit me. I am not saying that I don't feed her and what not, I just don't want to. I hate when I hear her cry, and hate having to go to her. I want life the way it was. When I found out I was prego I considered all my options, and was to afraid to have an abortion. I think mainly because I thought it would end my marriage. Now, I wish I would have. I am hoping this feeling will go away. But I don't know. I get the feeling of wanting to run, and I don't want to because I cant live without my best friend, my husband. What do I do? I am getting so depressed, and  i am seriously starting to hate life. I am crying as I write this. Please, I beg you all to have a heart and help me, and not bash me.

So I went to the doctor today, and she told me that I do have PPD. She also decided to put me on some medication, which she said will help. I have also been instructed not to be alone with the baby, so my husbands family (mainly his mom) is going to help me with this while he works. I am still unclear about being alone by myself, but we will see as time goes. I also was given my doctors cell number, she said if I ever needed her, to call. She wants me to call with updates on how I am doing and such. Whether its me or my husband who calls. She also wants me to call before I do anything stupid. I am glad I have such a nice doctor. Thank you all for all of your advice and support. I hope to be doing better sometime soon. For now, its a waiting game.

OK, so I thought I would give another update. My depression had gotten worse, and the type pf medication the Dr put me on was one of the causes. Also, many other negative things happened in the same month. I lost my grandmother, my job, my car, and my health. Well things have started to turn around. I got my job back, with a better paying position, and I am on a medication that is helping. Also, I have started counseling which has done wonders so far! I am now looking forward to each day, and not so afraid of it. Also, I have been able to spend a little more time with my daughter each day, so that's good. I am still working on my bond with her, but I know it will get here one day; hopefully sometime soon! Thanks to all who was there for me!@

baby

Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:47 PM
Replies (11-20):
Shluna105
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:29 PM

What is an after hours place?

Quoting momma3kids:

Definitely get into your doctor.  If they can't see you right away, then go into an after-hours place or even the hospital!  They can prescribe meds and even therapy.  Postpartum depression is so common and you need to take care of it so you can get to feeling better.


portakolis08
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:36 PM

I AGREE GO TO THE Emergency Room NOW!!!!! They will not bash you, you are not going to get bashed. They will help you there..GO NOW!!! Please Please do not hurt yourself...Please go to the Emergency Room...Everyone has bad feelings occasionally, you ARE NOT WEIRD OR BAD because you have them...Do you need help calling someone? I will be SO glad to help you! Please message me and I will help! You are so not alone!

Quoting MNMOM08:

GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM RIGHT NOW AND GET SOME HELP! 

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT BUT PPD IS VERY VERY SERIOUS.

PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DH AND THEN GO TO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR THAT PRCIOUS LITTLE NEW LIFE YOU HAVE CRATED!

 

portakolis08
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:38 PM

Message me your number and I will call you so we can talk if you need to!

 


Quoting portakolis08:

I AGREE GO TO THE Emergency Room NOW!!!!! They will not bash you, you are not going to get bashed. They will help you there..GO NOW!!! Please Please do not hurt yourself...Please go to the Emergency Room...Everyone has bad feelings occasionally, you ARE NOT WEIRD OR BAD because you have them...Do you need help calling someone? I will be SO glad to help you! Please message me and I will help! You are so not alone!

Quoting MNMOM08:

GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM RIGHT NOW AND GET SOME HELP! 

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT BUT PPD IS VERY VERY SERIOUS.

PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DH AND THEN GO TO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR THAT PRCIOUS LITTLE NEW LIFE YOU HAVE CRATED!

 

 

BrodysMommy251
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:44 PM

I don't know if I can offer anyhting different from the other replies, but my take on it is it can't all be contributed to PPD. If you felt this way before she was born, then this isn't a new feeling, but is probably made worse by raging hormones. First, I would talk to someone who can help you, not just emotionally, but maybe help with the baby. A new baby is terribly overwhelming, and theres nothing wrong with asking for help. Next, if she seems to be crying ALOT, perhaps she can sense your tension. Try to breath, and calm down. The calmer you are, the calmer she will be. Feel free to PM me if you need anything. I'll help as best I can. Good luck.

Shluna105
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 9:54 PM

Thank you all for your help.. It means a lot to me in this terrible time of my life..

athenaheim
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 10:01 PM

i will have to agree with the others. You are having PPD. I have heard terrible things about it. I would suggest going to the hospital or just calling your doctor. I have thoughts that I want things to go back like they were but I know my life is better with my son. Just please get some help before it is to late for you and/or your daughter.

Athena Heim

baby
Lady_Zanthia
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 10:20 PM

Go to a rescue center ASAP! This sounds like PPD.  Your DH needs to support you as well as your family.  Maybe have someone come and help you with your new baby for a little whil.  Is your husband able to take off work for a week or 2?

I had the same problem when my daughter was born.  I wanted her and tried to get prego and was happy when I did;  I even enjoyed my entire pregnancy but had serious regrets when she was born and I first had to deal with her crying.  I thought about adoption as well but have never spoken oof this to anyone, not even  my husband.  Once I got into my mommy groove though, things have been the best ever.  I do miss my "old life" at times but I wouldn't trade my DD for it back.. Ever.  I know what you are going through and my heart goes out to you, really and truly.  I would never think of bashing you.  I feel your pain, hon.  I really do.

You need to see a therapist/psychiatrist and possibly get some meds, especially if you are having suicidal thoughts. 

Please go and get help.  My brother never did and he shot himself only a few weeks before christmas of 2001.  He never got to see the beautiful niece he would have had.


Lilypie 1st Birthday TickerLilypie Breastfeeding Ticker

Sarah (27)  | DH - Brent (31) | DD - Rowan (6 mos.) | Dog - Duncan (9)

aliciaNadalee
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 10:26 PM

It is very overwhelming with a newborn. I have an 11 week old. But it does get better. The first couple of weeks are crazy hard. You should get some help though. Hormones and PPD are very serious forces that can make you feel crazy. My birth mom died when I was 6 months old. That was back in 1985 before they really diagnosed PPD...but everyone said that that was what she had. She didn't die from it but she did do some very bizare things....including the day that she died. So, I agree with everyone else...go to the hospital....or let your husband relieve you of your "duties" until you can get to the doctor tomorrow. Please don't feel like you are crazy. You will get through this. Just think...you have a beautiful little blessing that looks up to you and needs you like crazy. Try to be strong for her. You will get through this. You will. She is a part of you and she needs you. She can't help but to cry...she doesn't mean to drive you crazy...it's just all she knows...cuz that is her only way to communicate...She will grow out of it...and the load will lighten. Still lots of work...but you will come through this. You are a great mommy-you are giving selflessly to your little one. Just keep it up-and get some help so you can give her the best of you!!!

athenaheim
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 10:37 PM

Shes right it is tuff at first but it does get better. My son is now 11 months almost a year.

Quoting aliciaNadalee:

It is very overwhelming with a newborn. I have an 11 week old. But it does get better. The first couple of weeks are crazy hard. You should get some help though. Hormones and PPD are very serious forces that can make you feel crazy. My birth mom died when I was 6 months old. That was back in 1985 before they really diagnosed PPD...but everyone said that that was what she had. She didn't die from it but she did do some very bizare things....including the day that she died. So, I agree with everyone else...go to the hospital....or let your husband relieve you of your "duties" until you can get to the doctor tomorrow. Please don't feel like you are crazy. You will get through this. Just think...you have a beautiful little blessing that looks up to you and needs you like crazy. Try to be strong for her. You will get through this. You will. She is a part of you and she needs you. She can't help but to cry...she doesn't mean to drive you crazy...it's just all she knows...cuz that is her only way to communicate...She will grow out of it...and the load will lighten. Still lots of work...but you will come through this. You are a great mommy-you are giving selflessly to your little one. Just keep it up-and get some help so you can give her the best of you!!!


Athena Heim

baby
Jes221
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 10:46 PM

u need to talk to ur hubby or someone close to u that can keep the baby until u can get to dr. and start feeling better. and have a friend stay w/ u to help get u thru it.

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