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SCREAM **2nd update in purple!**

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I had my daughter on Monday, and so far I have HATED every minute of it. I have never wanted to be a mom, and now that feeling has really hit me. I am not saying that I don't feed her and what not, I just don't want to. I hate when I hear her cry, and hate having to go to her. I want life the way it was. When I found out I was prego I considered all my options, and was to afraid to have an abortion. I think mainly because I thought it would end my marriage. Now, I wish I would have. I am hoping this feeling will go away. But I don't know. I get the feeling of wanting to run, and I don't want to because I cant live without my best friend, my husband. What do I do? I am getting so depressed, and  i am seriously starting to hate life. I am crying as I write this. Please, I beg you all to have a heart and help me, and not bash me.

So I went to the doctor today, and she told me that I do have PPD. She also decided to put me on some medication, which she said will help. I have also been instructed not to be alone with the baby, so my husbands family (mainly his mom) is going to help me with this while he works. I am still unclear about being alone by myself, but we will see as time goes. I also was given my doctors cell number, she said if I ever needed her, to call. She wants me to call with updates on how I am doing and such. Whether its me or my husband who calls. She also wants me to call before I do anything stupid. I am glad I have such a nice doctor. Thank you all for all of your advice and support. I hope to be doing better sometime soon. For now, its a waiting game.

OK, so I thought I would give another update. My depression had gotten worse, and the type pf medication the Dr put me on was one of the causes. Also, many other negative things happened in the same month. I lost my grandmother, my job, my car, and my health. Well things have started to turn around. I got my job back, with a better paying position, and I am on a medication that is helping. Also, I have started counseling which has done wonders so far! I am now looking forward to each day, and not so afraid of it. Also, I have been able to spend a little more time with my daughter each day, so that's good. I am still working on my bond with her, but I know it will get here one day; hopefully sometime soon! Thanks to all who was there for me!@


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker
by on Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:47 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 1:45 PM

As everyone else has said, you really need to get to the doctor ASAP. Even if you think you can control yourself, you're not yourself right now, so it's possible you could hurt yourself or your baby. Please get some help, so you can be safe and eventually enjoy your little baby. Please keep us updated, and don't be afraid to talk when you need to. This is such a common problem, but it's often not diagnosed because women think people will think badly of them because they don't love their babies. It's not you; it's a serious problem because of hormones and other chemical issues in your body right now. Don't ever feel guilty, but do get some help.

by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 2:26 PM

PLEASE talk to someone NOW!!!! You definitely need to. I hope everything works out for the best.

by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 2:55 PM

Yes like everyone else your doctor about this. In the meantime just know that you are not the only one who has felt this way, you are going through what will probably be the hardest part of being a woman but it won't kill you it will only make you stronger. newborns are very hard to deal with when you are in recovery...if you have ANY friends or family members you can call please call them, just ask them to help you when they can (cooking, laundry, watching baby while you sleep) You will be amazed how much better you feel after some good rest.
Things will get easier, just be strong and don't be afraid to ask for help!!!

by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 3:12 PM

I am so happy for you that you were able to reach out and ask for help! That should tell you that you do love your baby and want things to get better! We all know how you feel! Even the best mothers in the world have the same overwhelming feelings. I used to tell my daughter..."If you dont stop crying and go to bed I will take you back to the hospital!" It getts better... I PROMISE it gets better. My husband was super lazy and didnt help out at all.... and I was on my own while he was at work and he slept all night since he was working... after a while you get into a groove and know what she needs. If you need anything at all send me a message... I can even give you my number if you need some one to call at 3am! We all all here for you... You can do this  

PS You have a beautiful family :  ) 

by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 3:36 PM

Please call your doctor first thing in the morning to get a little help, Do you have any close friends or relative to help you out by watching your baby girl? that would be a good idea. You will be ok with the right help, i know u might feel like this is not what you want but believe me it's one of the best things in the world to be a mom, even though i know it can be hard at times but when you see her first real smile and the first time she says mommy hugging it's well worth it, Just remember their are option out there if you really feel your not ready to be a mom... please talk to your husband and let him know how you feel, Your not alone i will keep you in mind and wish the best for you and your little family.


Your daughter is beautiful, just like her mommy. And  i love her name i also have a Ariana she is 5 months old.

by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 3:40 PM

def go to the doctors office, i know this girl with three kids her last is only a couple of months, her second child which is 2 yrs old didnt want to eat , this is after her birth well he didnt want to eat she beat him so bad she put him in the tub and kept betting him because he was getting blood allover the floor thank god he is alright now but he had to b air lifteto the hospital in intensive care of how bad dhe beat him up. they ruled as ppd . so go before u get any urges cause u dont want to hurt that beutiful baby of urs. remember its not her fault.

by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 3:52 PM

  The fact that you are reaching out shows that it isn't that you don't care at all.  Get to the ER immediately and be sure to stress just how awful you feel.  Don't sugar coat it.  And you won't feel better overnight, so in the meantime make sure you aren't alone with the baby...get grandma, aunts, sisters, kindly old ladies....whoever....involved to help you out.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.

If you and hubby both seriously decide that parenthood isn't for you, then please check into adoption.  There are millions of couples, my husband and I included, who would be happy to add a baby to their family, and it isn't a failure on your part to say that you want what's best for your baby.  It takes a very brave person to give a baby up to people who are ready and able to deal with the responsibilities.  There are open adoptions now that allow the bio parents to remain a part of the baby's life, so if you wanted, you could set that up...

Hang in there...if it's PPD, you certainly aren't alone.  Don't let the horrid thoughts take over.  Get someone to drive you to the ER NOW!

by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 9:20 PM

Is there an emergency hotline you could call?

Quoting MNMOM08:






by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 10:07 PM

Oh darlin...I'm sure you already feel better knowing that you are not alone.  This is something that alot of us have to endure.  I for one had PPD and it was awful. I cried constantly for the first 6 weeks because I regretted having my baby, I was sleep deprived, and wanted to hurt myself or the was just awful. And then finally one night I just couldn't do it anymore...I woke my husband and told him to take care of the baby...I couldn't handle it.  That morning I went to the doctor and got on medication.  It was the best thing I ever did.

As each day passed...I got better and better...and taking care of the baby got easier....He will be 9 months next week and I can't believe time has flown by.  I am so happy I had him.  You will feel the same way shortly....Just take it day by have all of us here to help you.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing......HUGS!!!!!

by on Nov. 11, 2008 at 5:26 PM


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