I just broke up with my SO and he acted like i am crazy. The fight we got in this morning was small, but thats exactly why its so hard to be with him. The little things. The way he is practically incapable of having a conversation with me without yelling. The way he expects to have everything he wants the second he asks for it. The way he tells me to do things that he doesn't even do himself. The way he acts when i tell him that he hurt my feelings. The fact that he never compliments me anymore, and acts like im crazy when i try to put a move on him because im 34 weeks pregnant and "its not the same" as before i got this way.
I love him so much, and i am having a hard time imagining my life without him, but these things really affect our relationship, and they did before i got pregnant too.. he hurts me in these ways multiple times a day, and refuses to see that even though they are small and practically insignificant, THEY ADD UP AND I CANT FORGIVE HIM ALL THE TIME! Maybe i could if i got a sincere apology every once in a while, but in order for me to get that he would have to be able to have a conversation and hear me out which he cant do.
Is it crazy of me to break up with someone for "little things" like that?? Has anyone else just been done? He didnt cheat on me, or hit me, or something big. I am just at a time in my life that i really need him to be here for me, but it feels like all he is worried about is himself.
Good for you for being strong and standing up for what you believe. A lot of women let a guy convince them that they ARE crazy when they are just expressing their feelings. I hate to hear that anyone breaks up, but hopefully this will make him grow up and realize there is more going on in this world than it revolving around him. If not, then you will be happier without him and will be a better mommy without the yelling and negativity. (((hugs))) Heather
I don't think your crazy for breaking up with him for the little things. After all it is the little things that matter the most!!!! And i kicked out my husband a while back for about 2 months because of the little things and of course he changed and apologized so we are back together. You need to do what make you happy!
Summer Lynne born 4-22-08 Holly and John married 10-28-07 #2 due June 2, 2010
This sounds like my ex. It was always all the little things that got to me the most. He always acted like such an ass over everything..always fighting over nothing, just not being there for me..for examply at the time I had gotten a new job where I worked ALL the time..literally was working 7 days a week for awhile..and the rare occasion that I had a day off, he would shoot out that door over to his friends house. My last straw was a little bigger.. I had a miscarriage and he just acted like I should get over it..even asked me if I was done crying yet..the next day. I spent the next month getting things around and moved out. And it was a real eye-opener for him, he grew up, the never there compliments were coming in by the dozens...anything he tought I might need help with he was there offering help...but for me it was too late..I fell out of love..but maybe it would be a good thing for yours! Good luck I hope it all works out for the best!
Maybe this is what he needs to open his eyes and see things for what they are. Too many little things equals one big problem. It all adds up and you are not crazy for feeling this way.
I broke up with my SO 4 years ago due to these exact same little things. I just couldn't do it and keep my mouth shut anymore. I decided that I deserved better and was worth more than that. It took him a year before he figured it out, but once he did he changed and has never gone back to being that person again.
Right now you do need support. But it sounds like you are not getting it from him anyway so it shouldn't make a difference if you are with him or not.
Do what you think is best for you right now. If he is capable of change and wants to change, he will wake up and do it. If he doesn't want to change, let him go. You don't have to be together to raise a child.
the thing is that he HAS changed in so many ways that were extremely necisary. He used to drink everyday and get S$#& faced and treat me like crap. I used to support him, and pay for everything including his beer and cigarettes, even though i dont drink or smoke.
He doesnt drink anymore, he works a full time job and is basically supports us because i only work a few hours a week. But he acts like now that he isnt a complete loser and his life is on track (because i pushed him to get it that way) that he is the king and uses it against me how much he has changed. Like he's done enough for me. What he was doing was completely unacceptable, but i feel like that little crap is just as unacceptable as the big stuff.
He went from being an idiot to doing what every person is EXPECTED to do for themselves. He does not deserve a medal for that. If anything, he should be thanking you every single day for pushing him down the right road and saving him from making very bad decisions.
Just because he acts like a normal person now does not give him the right to treat you like his servant. If he can't see what YOU have done for him, he has a problem. Relationships are give and take. Yeah, we all get in our bad moods, or occasionally take the other for granted, but if we can't listen when our partners tell us how we hurt them and want to make them feel better, there is no relationship to be had.
Quoting ineedadvice126:
the thing is that he HAS changed in so many ways that were extremely necisary. He used to drink everyday and get S$#& faced and treat me like crap. I used to support him, and pay for everything including his beer and cigarettes, even though i dont drink or smoke.
He doesnt drink anymore, he works a full time job and is basically supports us because i only work a few hours a week. But he acts like now that he isnt a complete loser and his life is on track (because i pushed him to get it that way) that he is the king and uses it against me how much he has changed. Like he's done enough for me. What he was doing was completely unacceptable, but i feel like that little crap is just as unacceptable as the big stuff.
thats the biggest part of it for me. When he tells me something that i did to hurt him, a WANT to make it better. He just does everything he can to avoid the conversation or turn it on me. And that just makes me feel worse, and super bad about myself.
Thanks for saying that. I needed to hear that...
Quoting sissychristi:He went from being an idiot to doing what every person is EXPECTED to do for themselves. He does not deserve a medal for that. If anything, he should be thanking you every single day for pushing him down the right road and saving him from making very bad decisions.
Just because he acts like a normal person now does not give him the right to treat you like his servant. If he can't see what YOU have done for him, he has a problem. Relationships are give and take. Yeah, we all get in our bad moods, or occasionally take the other for granted, but if we can't listen when our partners tell us how we hurt them and want to make them feel better, there is no relationship to be had.
Quoting ineedadvice126:
the thing is that he HAS changed in so many ways that were extremely necisary. He used to drink everyday and get S$#& faced and treat me like crap. I used to support him, and pay for everything including his beer and cigarettes, even though i dont drink or smoke.
He doesnt drink anymore, he works a full time job and is basically supports us because i only work a few hours a week. But he acts like now that he isnt a complete loser and his life is on track (because i pushed him to get it that way) that he is the king and uses it against me how much he has changed. Like he's done enough for me. What he was doing was completely unacceptable, but i feel like that little crap is just as unacceptable as the big stuff.
My SO used to do that to me too. Finally he realized that even if he still didn't think he did anything wrong when I would tell him how I feel, I still hurt. He began to realize that he needed to bury his pride sometimes and just apologize. One time the light bulb went off and he said to me "it just occured to me that even though something like that seems stupid to me, you might not feel the same way, and I'm sorry for not seeing that before."
It took him a year after I left him to change. He did it on his own because he wanted to. That year hurt so bad, but it was necessary.
Quoting ineedadvice126:
thats the biggest part of it for me. When he tells me something that i did to hurt him, a WANT to make it better. He just does everything he can to avoid the conversation or turn it on me. And that just makes me feel worse, and super bad about myself.
Thanks for saying that. I needed to hear that...
Quoting sissychristi:
He went from being an idiot to doing what every person is EXPECTED to do for themselves. He does not deserve a medal for that. If anything, he should be thanking you every single day for pushing him down the right road and saving him from making very bad decisions.
Just because he acts like a normal person now does not give him the right to treat you like his servant. If he can't see what YOU have done for him, he has a problem. Relationships are give and take. Yeah, we all get in our bad moods, or occasionally take the other for granted, but if we can't listen when our partners tell us how we hurt them and want to make them feel better, there is no relationship to be had.
Quoting ineedadvice126:
the thing is that he HAS changed in so many ways that were extremely necisary. He used to drink everyday and get S$#& faced and treat me like crap. I used to support him, and pay for everything including his beer and cigarettes, even though i dont drink or smoke.
He doesnt drink anymore, he works a full time job and is basically supports us because i only work a few hours a week. But he acts like now that he isnt a complete loser and his life is on track (because i pushed him to get it that way) that he is the king and uses it against me how much he has changed. Like he's done enough for me. What he was doing was completely unacceptable, but i feel like that little crap is just as unacceptable as the big stuff.
Wow - me too. After I had our last daughter he just decided he didn't want to put any effort into our marriage or anything else that didn't involve just HIM and he walked OUT. Just left. We were separated for a year and it hurt, but I I would not let him try to blame me because he didn't want to grow up and take responsibility in his life or ever have a constructive conversation about our relationship. I'm glad I stuck to my principles because we have been back together for over a year now and it has been better than ever. He has completely changed and sees things so differently than he used to, which makes him act and talk to me in a much more respectful way. He also finished his degree, got a great job, just got a promotion and is getting his MBA. I tell him all of these great things happened because HE made these great changes and that I'm so proud he is my husband now! It is rare that there are happy endings, but I'm glad we both had one - hope it happens more often to people! :)
Quoting sissychristi:
My SO used to do that to me too. Finally he realized that even if he still didn't think he did anything wrong when I would tell him how I feel, I still hurt. He began to realize that he needed to bury his pride sometimes and just apologize. One time the light bulb went off and he said to me "it just occured to me that even though something like that seems stupid to me, you might not feel the same way, and I'm sorry for not seeing that before."
It took him a year after I left him to change. He did it on his own because he wanted to. That year hurt so bad, but it was necessary.
Quoting ineedadvice126:
thats the biggest part of it for me. When he tells me something that i did to hurt him, a WANT to make it better. He just does everything he can to avoid the conversation or turn it on me. And that just makes me feel worse, and super bad about myself.
Thanks for saying that. I needed to hear that...
Quoting sissychristi:
He went from being an idiot to doing what every person is EXPECTED to do for themselves. He does not deserve a medal for that. If anything, he should be thanking you every single day for pushing him down the right road and saving him from making very bad decisions.
Just because he acts like a normal person now does not give him the right to treat you like his servant. If he can't see what YOU have done for him, he has a problem. Relationships are give and take. Yeah, we all get in our bad moods, or occasionally take the other for granted, but if we can't listen when our partners tell us how we hurt them and want to make them feel better, there is no relationship to be had.
Quoting ineedadvice126:
the thing is that he HAS changed in so many ways that were extremely necisary. He used to drink everyday and get S$#& faced and treat me like crap. I used to support him, and pay for everything including his beer and cigarettes, even though i dont drink or smoke.
He doesnt drink anymore, he works a full time job and is basically supports us because i only work a few hours a week. But he acts like now that he isnt a complete loser and his life is on track (because i pushed him to get it that way) that he is the king and uses it against me how much he has changed. Like he's done enough for me. What he was doing was completely unacceptable, but i feel like that little crap is just as unacceptable as the big stuff.
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- ineedadvice126
on Nov. 8, 2009 at 3:49 PM