how did you get dad to participate?

My SO has two kids already and knows about pregnancy and birth, but I am going through this for the first time so it is all new to me. It is frustrating because he seems so bored with it (been there done that attitude) which makes me feel like he doesn't care sometimes. I know he cares because he will have informed conversations with me, but I want him to be as excited as I am about it.

I got him to come to my Bradley classes, but he complains because there are 12 2-hour long classes. He complains because he has already been through 2 births and knows everything being taught...oh and that birth is natural so I will just "know" what to do.

But, from his point of view, he works 12-hour shifts...he gets up at 3:00am and gets home from work at 6:00pm, we have class from 7:00 to 9:00pm, get home at 9:30pm and he gets 4-5 hours sleep before work the next day.

I want him to be my coach, but maybe it would be better to have someone else participate and cut my losses.

Quoting sissychristi:

My SO has two kids already and knows about pregnancy and birth, but I am going through this for the first time so it is all new to me. It is frustrating because he seems so bored with it (been there done that attitude) which makes me feel like he doesn't care sometimes. I know he cares because he will have informed conversations with me, but I want him to be as excited as I am about it.

I got him to come to my Bradley classes, but he complains because there are 12 2-hour long classes. He complains because he has already been through 2 births and knows everything being taught...oh and that birth is natural so I will just "know" what to do.

But, from his point of view, he works 12-hour shifts...he gets up at 3:00am and gets home from work at 6:00pm, we have class from 7:00 to 9:00pm, get home at 9:30pm and he gets 4-5 hours sleep before work the next day.

I want him to be my coach, but maybe it would be better to have someone else participate and cut my losses.

Have you considered a doula?  They're great support themselves but they can also help guide dad to be your support. 

I'm sorry mama! I would probably just try to sit down with him and tell him how important it is to you that he's there! Let him know that you understand that he has 2 other children, but this is YOUR FIRST TOGETHER! Hopefully he'll come around!

My hubby had the problem YOU are having! I had 3 kids from before, so with his FIRST it was my 4th and I felt like I had to explain everything that I already knew! It was very frustrating! so, I do feel a little for your hubby in that aspect!

Quoting sissychristi:

My SO has two kids already and knows about pregnancy and birth, but I am going through this for the first time so it is all new to me. It is frustrating because he seems so bored with it (been there done that attitude) which makes me feel like he doesn't care sometimes. I know he cares because he will have informed conversations with me, but I want him to be as excited as I am about it.

I got him to come to my Bradley classes, but he complains because there are 12 2-hour long classes. He complains because he has already been through 2 births and knows everything being taught...oh and that birth is natural so I will just "know" what to do.

But, from his point of view, he works 12-hour shifts...he gets up at 3:00am and gets home from work at 6:00pm, we have class from 7:00 to 9:00pm, get home at 9:30pm and he gets 4-5 hours sleep before work the next day.

I want him to be my coach, but maybe it would be better to have someone else participate and cut my losses.

My MIL is my doula. She had 7 children and has coached the births of all 7 of her grandchildren too. She lives in Alaska and I am in Washington but will be here the month the baby arrives.

Quoting jupiter84:

Quoting sissychristi:

My SO has two kids already and knows about pregnancy and birth, but I am going through this for the first time so it is all new to me. It is frustrating because he seems so bored with it (been there done that attitude) which makes me feel like he doesn't care sometimes. I know he cares because he will have informed conversations with me, but I want him to be as excited as I am about it.

I got him to come to my Bradley classes, but he complains because there are 12 2-hour long classes. He complains because he has already been through 2 births and knows everything being taught...oh and that birth is natural so I will just "know" what to do.

But, from his point of view, he works 12-hour shifts...he gets up at 3:00am and gets home from work at 6:00pm, we have class from 7:00 to 9:00pm, get home at 9:30pm and he gets 4-5 hours sleep before work the next day.

I want him to be my coach, but maybe it would be better to have someone else participate and cut my losses.

Have you considered a doula?  They're great support themselves but they can also help guide dad to be your support. 

He is excited and I hear him talking about my appointments, ultrasounds and baby movement with friends and family all the time. I also completely understand that he has been through this before so it is like sitting through a movie you already watched...not much changes you know?

If he would just stop complaining every time he comes to an appointment or class! It's like he thinks he deserves a medal for going because he already knows this stuff. Where's my medal for going through pregnancy? I'm the one who has midwife appointments, WIC appointments, huge veiny painfull boobs, growing belly, constipation, insomnia, stretch marks, pain in my vag, back pain, etc...and all on a daily basis!

Ok, done venting now...LOL

Quoting orange4agua72:

I'm sorry mama! I would probably just try to sit down with him and tell him how important it is to you that he's there! Let him know that you understand that he has 2 other children, but this is YOUR FIRST TOGETHER! Hopefully he'll come around!

My hubby had the problem YOU are having! I had 3 kids from before, so with his FIRST it was my 4th and I felt like I had to explain everything that I already knew! It was very frustrating! so, I do feel a little for your hubby in that aspect!

Quoting sissychristi:

My SO has two kids already and knows about pregnancy and birth, but I am going through this for the first time so it is all new to me. It is frustrating because he seems so bored with it (been there done that attitude) which makes me feel like he doesn't care sometimes. I know he cares because he will have informed conversations with me, but I want him to be as excited as I am about it.

I got him to come to my Bradley classes, but he complains because there are 12 2-hour long classes. He complains because he has already been through 2 births and knows everything being taught...oh and that birth is natural so I will just "know" what to do.

But, from his point of view, he works 12-hour shifts...he gets up at 3:00am and gets home from work at 6:00pm, we have class from 7:00 to 9:00pm, get home at 9:30pm and he gets 4-5 hours sleep before work the next day.

I want him to be my coach, but maybe it would be better to have someone else participate and cut my losses.

Well, I guess my hubby's kind of both ways. I've accepted how he is and take what I can get and know what the REALLY important things are that I need HIM for and what I can live without. Like he's not one who's into feeling the baby move, watch ANYTHING birth related, and would never cut the cord or catch the baby! I'm pretty sure if he didn't pass out from the last of those things, he would vomit for sure, and I can't be having any of that while I'm giving or have just given birth, lol! Medical stuff really grosses him out, but he is great supporting me and encouraging me so that's what he does. Maybe your DH is similar to mine and doesn't get real outwardly excited or seem "into" it, but when the heat's on and he's needed he def steps up to the plate. Last preg (first all natural delivery) he walked with me all day when I was in labor. When it got intense he was following me around rubbing my back, giving me ice, holding my hand. When I went into pushing mode, I had my head buried in the bed and he had his right next to mine, talking in my ear the whole time reminding me what to do and that I could do it. At one point I think I had even forgotten to breathe until he reminded me, lol! Talk to him about your concerns and what you need from him, maybe he'll surprise you!

the fact that he is talking about what is going on, is a good sign! Men have a hard time of showing their emotions and would rather play it cool. For instance, after this baby is born my DH was supposed to get snipped but, we started talking and he wants me to get my tubes tied and when I pointed out that it was irreversable, serious surgery blah blah blah he started getting defensive. So then I asked.... "will you be bothered if you have to get snipped?" and he responds back that its not the same for men and they dont get put too sleep blah blah blah. So basically what he was saying is that hes scared of the pain but he didnt want to tell me so instead he got mad at me for making excuses for why I didnt want to get my tubes tied.

Quoting sissychristi:

He is excited and I hear him talking about my appointments, ultrasounds and baby movement with friends and family all the time. I also completely understand that he has been through this before so it is like sitting through a movie you already watched...not much changes you know?

If he would just stop complaining every time he comes to an appointment or class! It's like he thinks he deserves a medal for going because he already knows this stuff. Where's my medal for going through pregnancy? I'm the one who has midwife appointments, WIC appointments, huge veiny painfull boobs, growing belly, constipation, insomnia, stretch marks, pain in my vag, back pain, etc...and all on a daily basis!

Ok, done venting now...LOL

Quoting orange4agua72:

I'm sorry mama! I would probably just try to sit down with him and tell him how important it is to you that he's there! Let him know that you understand that he has 2 other children, but this is YOUR FIRST TOGETHER! Hopefully he'll come around!

My hubby had the problem YOU are having! I had 3 kids from before, so with his FIRST it was my 4th and I felt like I had to explain everything that I already knew! It was very frustrating! so, I do feel a little for your hubby in that aspect!

Quoting sissychristi:

My SO has two kids already and knows about pregnancy and birth, but I am going through this for the first time so it is all new to me. It is frustrating because he seems so bored with it (been there done that attitude) which makes me feel like he doesn't care sometimes. I know he cares because he will have informed conversations with me, but I want him to be as excited as I am about it.

I got him to come to my Bradley classes, but he complains because there are 12 2-hour long classes. He complains because he has already been through 2 births and knows everything being taught...oh and that birth is natural so I will just "know" what to do.

But, from his point of view, he works 12-hour shifts...he gets up at 3:00am and gets home from work at 6:00pm, we have class from 7:00 to 9:00pm, get home at 9:30pm and he gets 4-5 hours sleep before work the next day.

I want him to be my coach, but maybe it would be better to have someone else participate and cut my losses.

Get your own gender prediction!

the fact that he is talking about what is going on, is a good sign! Men have a hard time of showing their emotions and would rather play it cool. For instance, after this baby is born my DH was supposed to get snipped but, we started talking and he wants me to get my tubes tied and when I pointed out that it was irreversable, serious surgery blah blah blah he started getting defensive. So then I asked.... "will you be bothered if you have to get snipped?" and he responds back that its not the same for men and they dont get put too sleep blah blah blah. So basically what he was saying is that hes scared of the pain but he didnt want to tell me so instead he got mad at me for making excuses for why I didnt want to get my tubes tied.

Quoting sissychristi:

He is excited and I hear him talking about my appointments, ultrasounds and baby movement with friends and family all the time. I also completely understand that he has been through this before so it is like sitting through a movie you already watched...not much changes you know?

If he would just stop complaining every time he comes to an appointment or class! It's like he thinks he deserves a medal for going because he already knows this stuff. Where's my medal for going through pregnancy? I'm the one who has midwife appointments, WIC appointments, huge veiny painfull boobs, growing belly, constipation, insomnia, stretch marks, pain in my vag, back pain, etc...and all on a daily basis!

Ok, done venting now...LOL

Quoting orange4agua72:

I'm sorry mama! I would probably just try to sit down with him and tell him how important it is to you that he's there! Let him know that you understand that he has 2 other children, but this is YOUR FIRST TOGETHER! Hopefully he'll come around!

My hubby had the problem YOU are having! I had 3 kids from before, so with his FIRST it was my 4th and I felt like I had to explain everything that I already knew! It was very frustrating! so, I do feel a little for your hubby in that aspect!

Quoting sissychristi:

My SO has two kids already and knows about pregnancy and birth, but I am going through this for the first time so it is all new to me. It is frustrating because he seems so bored with it (been there done that attitude) which makes me feel like he doesn't care sometimes. I know he cares because he will have informed conversations with me, but I want him to be as excited as I am about it.

I got him to come to my Bradley classes, but he complains because there are 12 2-hour long classes. He complains because he has already been through 2 births and knows everything being taught...oh and that birth is natural so I will just "know" what to do.

But, from his point of view, he works 12-hour shifts...he gets up at 3:00am and gets home from work at 6:00pm, we have class from 7:00 to 9:00pm, get home at 9:30pm and he gets 4-5 hours sleep before work the next day.

I want him to be my coach, but maybe it would be better to have someone else participate and cut my losses.

Get your own gender prediction!