DF and I broke up and he wants time with kids...need advice!

He would take the newborn away for a whole day??   That doesn't sound like a good idea right now, especially with breastfeeding...

I understand that they are his kids but I think right now they don't need to be away from you. not only that I feel like him saying he can't stand being around you is a cop out because if you two don't get back together he has to deal with you any way because you are there mother. I think he should just come over and spend some hours with the kids even if it's every day. if he so called can't stand being around you, you can be in another part of the house that way both of you are still around your children especially for you. I don't know if this helps but I hope so and I hope you get the rest that you need.

I would let him take them. He is only asking for a couple of days per week. My brother went through this with his ex wife. They broke up while she was preggo. When the baby was born she refused to let him take him but would let him visit. My brother finally got fed up with it all and hired a lawyer for 5k and wound up getting joint custody. The judge was angry with her for denying him the right to take his son. The first time my brother took him out of her home he was 9 months old.  He missed out on a lot because of her.

I understand you have a bond with your child but you should not deny him the right to have that same bond. Especially because he wants to be a part of their lives. Some men you have to chace down just to see their kids.

I completely agree with this!

Quoting Takiya:

I understand that they are his kids but I think right now they don't need to be away from you. not only that I feel like him saying he can't stand being around you is a cop out because if you two don't get back together he has to deal with you any way because you are there mother. I think he should just come over and spend some hours with the kids even if it's every day. if he so called can't stand being around you, you can be in another part of the house that way both of you are still around your children especially for you. I don't know if this helps but I hope so and I hope you get the rest that you need.

This might sound stupid, but you need to get a lawyer, or if you're good at research, do the leg work yourself (so it doesn't cost so much, and much of the info is at your county courthouse in their resource room) and come up with a parenting plan (known as a CO or custody order) It doesn't sound like you guys are going to come to any sort of an arrangement that you'll both be happy with, and you BOTH have equal rights to the kids (married or not) as long as his name is on their birth certificates....Maybe today you guys can talk about what would and wouldn't work, and be sure to take notes. Then produce a document (i can even help you with this if you want, i've been writing our CO's for DH and his X for years) if your DF agrees, great! you both sign the document in front of a notary, each get a copy, and it's a done deal...if he doesn't agree, that's when you need to go through the legal system to establish "custody" and child support and that sort of thing...BTW: child support has NOTHING to do with visitation-so if you're not living together, and he's not helping to support the kids (and i mean more than buying diapers for when they're with him) you should also contact your local DSHS or here it's Child Support Enforcement, and get the ball rolling on that-it can take up to 6 months before you'll see any money....

As for visitation right now, i'd limit it to the 2 yr old, and if he wants to bond with the newborn tell him he'll have to do it at your house or not at all-that baby is too young to be taken out and passed around so much...when my SD was little, she lived w/ BM and DH took her most nights after he got off work until around 8 or 9 and then took her back to her mom. They alternated weekends.

Good luck! This sort of thing is never easy, and it will be tough on the kids too! Feel free to get ahold of me if you need help with any of this!

If he's a good dad he should definitely be allowed to see his kids. But with the baby being so young, at least for the first months of the baby's life, the dad should make arrangements to come to you. The baby needs his mom these first few months, and if your breatfeeding that could just be too stressful and crazy, and constant shuffling and back and forth from place to place might not be the greatest idea. Or, if you can take the baby over there and be there with him if he's okay with that. Your oldest would probably be fine if she goes a couple days with daddy, but the baby I would think might need some more stability just for right now.

First thing you need to do before he takes anyone is get it in writing with a lawyer.  Protect yourself and your kids.  I know it's probably not something you wanna deal with now but that way your all protected.  Until then arrange for him to see them when they are with one of your family members.  The newborn, well, he's out of luck because that baby needs you now and shouldn't leave you. If he really loves his kids and is a good dad he'll understand that.  I've seen a lot of people go through these situations and if he takes the kids and doesn't bring back on time or whatever, it's all he said she said.  You need it in writing.  Also, I'm not sure where you live but in Indiana the name on the birth certificate alone does not establish paternity since you weren't married.  Legally his rights are limited until that's established.  If you guys can sit down together and agree on terms you may be able to use one lawyer, just make sure it's yours since he'll be looking into the best interest of whoever's paying his wage.  That way if something goes wrong you'll have the lawyer who's been there from the beginning.  If your ex gives you issues about it just tell him it protects him too (because it does).  He'll have set visitation arrangements, child support, whatever you agree on.  It's awful you have to go through this now but stay strong and good luck. 

as it stand i would say he could take baby out a few hours as baby do need there mums  and he could take older child over night

having alone time just you and baby will be good for u and your daughter will love daddy daughter alone time . i really don't think having him in beside you if your not getting alone is a good idea kids can't pick that up and it will upset them

as the baby get older then he can have more time .   and u will get used to it just think u could work it so u get every week end . i know it not easy but it all about the kids now

if it were me, i would see what he has to say first. maybe try to work things out, this is a stressful time!!! if there is no working things out with your relationship then tell him if he wants to see the kids it will have to be at your house or somewhere u two can meet up and both spend time with the kids. neither one of u want to be with out the kids, so thats the best i can think of right now.

 Well I dont know if you are BFing but if you are that is your reasoning not to let him take the baby for a little while. Regardless the baby is too little to be away, you need some time too.  Him taking your daughter for the weekend here and there may work out for you especially now with the new baby.  How about you tell him to come and visit with the baby for a while and when you are comfortable enough with the baby being gone he can take the baby