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Can I get someone ELSE? Help please?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:17 PM
  • 8 Replies

I'm 36 weeks with my first baby and my husband has an 8 1/2 y/o with an ex-gf. My husband really liked the midwife that delivered her, and when I decided to switch from an OB to midwifery he said "oh, call _____". He remembered her name and everything.

I think that's great that he liked the midwife that delivered his first child, but I want this- OUR first- to be a unique experience for him, as it will be for me. I don't want that person to remind him of that experience that he had while he was still with his ex.

I have nothing against her- I hear she's great and really nice from everyone, both inside and outside the practice- it's really only his prior experience with her that makes me NOT want HER delivering MY baby!

There are 6 or 7 midwives that rotate deliveries, so there is a chance that she'll be the one on-call when I go into labor. I've mentioned that I don't want her and why, but I've gotten the same answer from two of them now...there's that chance. Having her there would make me uncomfortable.

Do I have a right to feel like this or am I just being unreasonable? If I DO get her, can I say I want someone else? ANYONE else? I don't mean to offend her, but I just can't get myself past that feeling of not wanting my husband to have those memories come up when I- his WIFE- am the one having his baby now.

Any help is really appreciated!

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by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:17 PM
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Replies (1-8):
mommyziegler
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:20 PM

sadly if she is on call she is going to be delivering your baby. If you don't want her then you should go to a different practice but you may not be able to because your 36 weeks

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MeganGallagher
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:23 PM

 I dont care if ANYONE tells you that you don;t have a right to feel this way.. YOU DO! THIS IS YOUR CHILD.. THIS IS YOUR EXPERIENCE..  whatever makes YOU feel comfortable is what is important..

ALTHOUGH- since you have requested that that doc not deliver your baby, and the other doctors insist that its a possibility.. i would start preparing yourself for that possibility.  If there is nothing they can do to ENSURE that ANYONE else delivers your child, you have to start preparing for that now...

If there is any way that you can get anyone else!!!  Push for it.. again, this is your experience, and for whatever reason you have, if you don't want someone delivering your baby..  fight for that!!!

mommy2xp
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:26 PM

 i think the only way around it would be to go to a different practice (if thats possible) I can see where you coming from though, I would feel the same way.

momnstepmom
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:33 PM

I see where your coming from, but other than switching to a different practise you're going to have to see that this my be your FIRST child, it is his SECOND. He'll reflect on the birth of his oldest regardless of who delivers your child. My DH did this with our first one (he has two other children from a previous marriage) and to THIS DAY he's still reminding me that he has more kids than I do, and he insinuates that he knows more than me because of this fact. It's just a fact of life, men who have children from a previous relationship will reflect on that past experience regardless of the differences in who is delivering the child.

truealaskanmom
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 6:45 PM

Oh sweetie, I can totally understand how you feel, but you have to step back and look at it from a different view.  If she is a good midwife it doesn't matter that she delivered his other child, she is in the business of delivering babies, so she has done likely thousands of other people's babies.  He probably likes her because he trusts that she will treat you well, which shows how much he cares about YOU.  Every delivery of every baby is different so, it won't be the same for him at all.  This is his baby with you and it won't conjure memories of the past.  You can of course say you don't want her, but remember that it isn't HER fault that she delivered his other child.  He just wants the person caring for you and your baby to be trustworthy and he knows that she is, it has nothing to do with repeating an experience, it is his manly instinct to protect his wife and get her good care that he trusts.  

shell1m
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:12 PM

Well you are the one who is going to be giving birth NOT your husband.  Go where YOU will feel the most comfortable.  :)  Have fun!!

in lovetoddler boytoddler boyexpecting boy  its a boy pregnant bellyI love my little family.They are my world.  :) 

ohsowonderful
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:17 PM

If she's great, she's great... and I love hearing whoever is delivering my baby is fantastic.

But even if it is her, I guarantee you your husband isn't thinking of his ex-wife at all, just the birth of his babies!

sissychristi
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:24 PM

I agree with this. I don't think that him being with you while having a baby will cause him to dwell on his past. He will have his hands full helping you and focusing on what is currently happening. I think he just wants you to have the best, which means he is thinking of you, not her.

Quoting ohsowonderful:

If she's great, she's great... and I love hearing whoever is delivering my baby is fantastic.

But even if it is her, I guarantee you your husband isn't thinking of his ex-wife at all, just the birth of his babies!




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