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Depression...what do YOU think? Please be honest.

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 3:30 AM
  • 9 Replies

Okay, first off, let me say that I have been dealing with depression for years. Pretty much my ENTIRE family on my mom's side are manic depressives, and while I have been clinically diagnosed as "depressed", it's never been diagnosed as "manic". The difference between the two, for those who don't know, is that with manic depression, you experience extreme highs along with extreme lows. There IS no happy medium. 
I dealt with this back in HS, saw a therapist & was put on anti-depressants for awhile...it did help, got me to where I needed to be. That was quickly derailed by my controlling mother. She wanted a session with my therapist because SHE didn't think it was helping me. Well, what she didn't realize is that SHE was alot of my problem. Alot of what I discussed with my therapist. SO naturally, when she decided to sit in, I refused to say anything, which pissed her off to high heavens... and she nixed the whole thing, just like I told the therapist she would. Then blamed it on not having the money to pay for it. (I know that was a sham because had that been an issue, my father would have paid.*My parents are divorced, mom is not so well off, dad is set for life...) and stopped my anti-depressants. 
I just had my son six weeks ago. I was really afraid of PPD (post-partum depression) because of my history with depression. And here we are, it has reared it's ugly head. Granted, DH & I had alot of problems before this, but they were manageable. Now... I've come literally thisclose to getting a divorce about 5 times in six weeks. He gave me an ultimatum--either see a counselor or get a divorce. I am extremely angry & hurt because it doesn't seem like he even considered my feelings & how humiliating it would be to me to see a perfect stranger tell me what a horrible wife I am. (Because if DH goes, then that's exactly the road it's going to go down. He always points out EVERYTHING wrong with me, but can NEVER acknowledge when he's done or said something hurtful.) And I just don't know if I can emotionally take some total stranger pointing out every fault I have. I know I'm not perfect. I feel bad enough about myself without hearing it from the rest of the world. 
He has already involved his friends, and my mother, and doesn't understand that I would like to keep my personal business private. 
So I guess I have two questions.... 1) What do you think about the situation with a counselor? and 2) What do you HONESTLY think about someone with depression?

Please don't hold back, I know some of the responses may be hurtful, but I also know I need to hear the truth. That being said, please don't go out of your way to bash me and be hateful.  

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 3:30 AM
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Replies (1-9):
mnt_2_b_mommy
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 3:50 AM

I have seen a dr for PPD after I had my first baby. Trust me, the dr will NOT allow your DH to belittle you or make you feel inferior, and the dr won't make you feel that way either. I had 2 sessions with mine and felt better immediately. I would really suggest seeing someone, you could talk to your OB and see who he/she recommends. That's what I did. Also, the first year DH and I were married we had some problems and separated for awhile. We went to a therapist and had a great experience. They are there to help you- not put you down, or make you feel uncomfortable, etc.

As for what I think about people with depression- I empathize with them and hope they seek treatment. There is no shame in getting help for something you can't control. Good luck mama!

mrs_patterson
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 3:54 AM

Thank you so much for your kind words... It is MUCH easier to see and admit that I have a problem with depression when I don't have someone belittling me & shoving it down my throat... 
I really appreciate what you've said. :)  

Quoting mnt_2_b_mommy:

I have seen a dr for PPD after I had my first baby. Trust me, the dr will NOT allow your DH to belittle you or make you feel inferior, and the dr won't make you feel that way either. I had 2 sessions with mine and felt better immediately. I would really suggest seeing someone, you could talk to your OB and see who he/she recommends. That's what I did. Also, the first year DH and I were married we had some problems and separated for awhile. We went to a therapist and had a great experience. They are there to help you- not put you down, or make you feel uncomfortable, etc.

As for what I think about people with depression- I empathize with them and hope they seek treatment. There is no shame in getting help for something you can't control. Good luck mama!


angelbaby9685
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 3:57 AM

I also suffer from depression and will be the first to admit I need counseling for it, so I see a lady, it started as once a week and now we are moving to every two weeks. It really helps. I don't know about couples counseling but my counselor would like to see DF and I both at the same time to help us learn to communicate. If you get the right counselor it's a very good thing. Depression is depression can't hold it against anyone. But I think depression adds stress and worry to relationships and every day life. Often times there are triggers for depression that a counselor can pick up on that we don't even see. I didn't know I suffered from mild agoraphobia (not sure if I butchered that or not) I just knew that being around people made me want to scream and I get really uncomfortable in public setting where there are a lot of people. We are working thru all my problems and just last weekend I went to a sportsman show with the whole family and didn't get freaked out!

angelbaby9685
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:01 AM

I also want to add make sure the person you see if you decide to see someone is someone you like, mine is like a best friend. She calls me periodically between sessions to see if I am doing alright and has said repeatedly that if I ever lose my insurance she will work with me on whatever I can afford even if it's 5 dollars per session. she's not one of those how does that make you feel she is more about where do you feel that what changes in your body when you think about that, and when I think about it and tell her where I feel it and what feeling it is she then works on diffusing it so that I can learn to deal with these things on my own.

smurfbitebug
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:10 AM

 1) What do you think about the situation with a counselor? i honestly think that if your counselor is just pointing out things that are wrong with you, you need a different counselor. seriously-that is not what you are paying them to do. you are paying them to help you. you can see a counselor both with and without your DH, that would probably be more helpful for both of you. DH will not be told that he's perfect- i can gaurantee you that one. and 2) What do you HONESTLY think about someone with depression? i have had depression off and on, never to the degree that you have though. my sister has battled with it. she no longer speaks to me(unrelated situation), but back when we were close, i used to find her in bed and discover that she hadn't left it for two or so days. i would coax her out of bed and make her go out to eat with me, it would help some. i don't find depression anything to be scoffed at, but i don't think you should allow it to cripple you either. you have to set your mind to that though, and that can be difficult.

pumpkinpie778
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:16 AM

He gave me an ultimatum--either see a counselor or get a divorce. My mans Mother has a mental illness, she tried to kill herself 4 months into my 1st pregnancy, and my man idolises her, he would never tell his mom that he does not want her to be his Mother anymore.

And his mom verbally abused me when her son was not around and verbally abused me even more when I stood up to her possesive and controlling ways with my 1st child along with the verbal abuse. At one stage my man was blaming me because his mom told him to blame me, he denied she was in the wrong and was always making excuses for her behaviour-tellling me she did not mean it that way-she was joking, or she was never acting the way you said she was acting. Now he is more loving & supportive to me then ever before. Wow you man expects you to make the change for him, if hes into you he would love you and support you by helping encourage you to make a change for the better in a nice supportive way & not rush you into changing if hes knows this is depression, he knows its not you trying to be mean to him its your depression that is making your life a misery-instead of ramming the think of him attitude by you getting help for him or else you will see my threat of divorce statement.

I hope your life makes a complete turn around for the better beautiful-I mean it you are beautiful by looks and beautiful by soul. My Sister is a teenageer who is very sweet and bubbly by nature, now shes depressed shes moody towards her mother they fight and my sister suffers from anxiety so she has moved in with her dad. 

CatCooper
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 4:25 AM

You cannot control depression. You should NEVER feel ashamed of it. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain that is then made worse by events in everyday life. Counseling and possibly medication are the keys to taking back your life and marriage.

Counselors/Psychologists or Psychiatrists are great in that they are impartial, unbiased, and open to anything and everything you have going on. I like the idea of asking your OB to recommed one who specializes in PPD. And any counselor worth anything will only see you first for awhile before they want to see you and your husband at the same time.

I would also suggest sitting down with your husband and talking calmly about what you want to do and why. Set short-term goals so you get some buy-in from him as well. Tell him you know things are rough, but you are willing to see a counselor as long as he is willing to give you some time to do so. Remind him that nothing this big can be solved in a few weeks. Also ask him if he would be willing to come in and talk to the counselor if he/she would like him to. By asking him, he will feel as though you are trying to include him and it may help him feel more positive about you 'talking to a stranger'.

Don't be afraid of getting help. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I think it's something you should be proud of. You recognize that you are having problems, you've identified what you think is the issue and you are being proactive in solving it. Take a deep breath, give yourself a mental pat on the back, and take control of your life.

I wish you all the best! You are in my prayers.

abra
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 8:32 AM

Ditto #1. For #2, i too suffer from depression. It runs in my moms family (most of them are bi-polar). I was diagnosed in college before i met my hubby. But he got a good idea of how debilitating severe depression can be when we were dating. After trying a few different medications, i decided to fight it naturally with diet and exercise and a whole lotta prayer. that worked fine until i had kids. The ppd was bad with my first, I didn't want to hurt her or anything i just didn't care. It wouldn't go away, so 6 months later i started on zoloft and used it for 3.5 years (throughout my 2nd pregnancy). I just recently got off it before i got pregnant again. This time, we are a lot more stable then we were before and we both know that if it gets to be too much, i can always go back on my meds.  I believe that depression is a real thing, it's not just in our heads and it isn't just a phychological or spiritual problem.


and your mom sounds like mine!! :-)

Quoting smurfbitebug:

 1) What do you think about the situation with a counselor? i honestly think that if your counselor is just pointing out things that are wrong with you, you need a different counselor. seriously-that is not what you are paying them to do. you are paying them to help you. you can see a counselor both with and without your DH, that would probably be more helpful for both of you. DH will not be told that he's perfect- i can gaurantee you that one. and 2) What do you HONESTLY think about someone with depression? i have had depression off and on, never to the degree that you have though. my sister has battled with it. she no longer speaks to me(unrelated situation), but back when we were close, i used to find her in bed and discover that she hadn't left it for two or so days. i would coax her out of bed and make her go out to eat with me, it would help some. i don't find depression anything to be scoffed at, but i don't think you should allow it to cripple you either. you have to set your mind to that though, and that can be difficult.


                                                    -----Wife to Bennett-----
                                      Mommy to Ophelia Grace & Mira Lorne

                                 
-------------
Due in November 2010 -------------

brbrowen
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 8:42 AM

Let me just say that I'm sorry you are suffering from this it is an awful way to live I know that first hand.  Get the help you need from your doctor and dont be ashamed of it.  You and your baby will be much better off when you are in a better place.  No pill is going to make the things in your life any better.  They may help you deal with them but it is not going to solve your problems with your husband.  Dont let anyone convince you it is all you because you are depressed you have every right to be.  Get yourself in a better place and then deal with the rest of it.  Talking to a counselor would be a good idea for the both of you.  Keep going and try to remember the happy stuff because each day has them you just have to pay attention.  Good luck to you hun.

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