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OT - For the army wives....what's it like when they come home?

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:04 PM
  • 17 Replies

This might be a hard topic, I'm not sure. I live in Canada, and my husband isn't Canadian. We are not really involved directly with Iraq, but on here, there seems to be a lot of army wives! I watched "Brothers" with my DH the other day, and my heart always breaks for families with men in the war because it just looks so hard. I was wondering, what is it like adjusting when your men come home? Is it as hard as it seems, I mean, they live in a completely different world over there I imagine. Are they able to easily adjust to life back home? Do the two of you get right back to where you left off in your relationship or do you have to bond again? What's it like for your kids? Do they remember Dad or do they also need time to get to know him again? If these questions are too personal just ignore me LOL! I'm just curious about what it's like to be in your shoes! =)

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Physiological (natural) home birthing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, no-CIO, non circumsizing, pro-life, attachment parenting, cloth diapering, baby slinging, baby food making, green living, midwife loving, doula practicing mommy to an amazing two year old boy and wife to the greatest man I've ever known! Pregnant with number two! Life keeps gettin' better!
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy2xp
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:35 PM

 I cant imagine what its like but my dh was supposed to go got to south carolina stayed for a month and came home it was hard to readjust to that.

YoRkIeMaMa2009
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:52 PM

My hubby has been in for over 10 years and I've been with him for 5 of it tomorrow. When they leave it sucks for weeks or months....but coming home is better. His first tour wreaked havic on all of our lives with PTSD and had a mishap with our oldest son that put him in foster care at 2 months old with a broken leg. Flashbacks and meds are hard, and its hard watching your family get ripped apart. Now the 2nd tour wasn't so bad. I worked 2 fulltime jobs so I was busy. 3rd tour sucked hard for me. I had just had our second son and was all alone. But the day he came home was great....it was late at night but by morning he had breakfast ready and laundry started. He's due to deploy again in Sept 2011 :(

Brittany.Dann
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 6:59 PM

 My husband came back from Iraq 6 months ago and it was really hard for a long time. It still is hard but has gotten better. My husband has night sweats and nightmares. He doesn't sleep through the night because of it. He also has fears of being around some people in public places. We almost didn't make it but we have pulled through. He is now currently instructing soldiers on the infantry part of the Army such as combat etc. Everyone is different and everyone adjusts different. My husband feels very guilty about being here when there are others fighting and he will be volunteering to redeploy within the next year.

teegrumpee85
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:27 PM

BUMP!

SammiStar
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:35 PM

BUMP!

KaelynsMom2008
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 7:59 PM

My husband just deployed a month ago to Iraq.  This is his third deployment in 5 years.  It's really hard when they go b/c you have to adjust to life by yourself.  But you eventually adjust and get used to it.  Then when they come home it's AMAZING...for a couple weeks.  There is a small "honeymoon" period but once thats over it gets tough.  For me it's really hard to start letting him do stuff around the house and with our daughter b/c i'm used to doing it my way.  It takes a long time to adjust and he normally has trouble sleeping and letting me drive him around for about a month.  After his first deployment we couldn't drive over any bridges without him having a panic attack.  So far the hardest thing about this deployment is seeing our 2 year old daughter miss her daddy.  She doesn't understand where he is and it breaks my heart.  I'm wondering what will happen when he comes home and i hope she will still remember him.  Our son is due next month and he won't be able to make it home for the birth and that is really hard.  But no matter what we always make it through and normally by the time we get back to a "normal" life he has to deploy again

ohsowonderful
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 8:02 PM

BUMP! I've always been curious

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jesselswick
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 8:11 PM

Having them gone sucks, but each day does get better (but nothing ever eases the pain and heartache of them being gone) Coming home I think is different for everyone. Depending on where they were, what they did and what they saw. The first deployment wasn't so bad. We were both young and quite frankly, I think we were just happy that it was over. It was in the begining of the war and it was all the "that was so cool to do that stuff" mentality that my husband was in that made the transition home easier.

  The second deployment, now that was hard. There were a lot of some really close friends that died and my husband was there for them all. He actually performed CPR on someone that was his mentor. They had to pull him off of him when the med flight got there and had to pronounce him dead. My husband was in a really bad place his second tour. It really affected him.

Coming home was a BIG adjustment for us both. 1.) because he was gone for over 15 months and I had created a whole nother life while he was gone. New job, new house, our daughter was super independent and he had a problem with that. He also had horrible mood swings and nightmares that were hard to deal with. He just didn't adjust to normal life. He was paranoid all the time and couldn't be in crowded places. He was always looking on the sides of the roads. This prevented him from being able to drive. 

  It will be 3 years at the end of this year since he came home and he still has some lingering effects but no where near like it was. We can only be here for at least until March before they can put him on orders again but I'm praying it will be awhile before he deploys again.

MomNtheRes
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 8:15 PM

This is my husband's first deployment. We met in training and got married 7 months later, and he deployed 4 months after that. We found out we were expecting 2 weeks after he deployed. It's been really rough especially with this pregnancy having so many complications. He comes home for r&r shortly after the baby is born if I make it to term, and will be home for good in October, hopefully. I have no clue how it's going to be, as a "newlywed" couple, living together for the 1st time with a new baby as well. I'm nervous, but I really just can't wait for him to be home. 

One thing I worry about is that I was pulled from a deployment because I'm pregnant, my name came up when I was 7 weeks so by the time I am deployable, at 6 months pp, I know there will be another slot that needs me. ^ months pp will be 3 months after my DH gets home, it would be horrible to just trade places with him, I miss him so much. But at least the kids would have one of us around always. 

momnarmywife710
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 8:18 PM

My DH has been home a year now. His deployment was 16 months and only 18 days home half way thru. We were struggling with infertility when he came back home, but now finally pregnant. Reading thru the other answers, I can relate. We are strugglng in our marriage right now and started marriage counseling today. He is a cop too and puts all his time and effort into that. He is the opposite of me sharing chores, bc he doesn't want to do much at home. He used to but post war he is different. I worry so much about this baby coming and being a "single" mom that happens to be married. We will see how it goes. Hope is not really there at the moment, but trying to get along and make it work. No divorce, just have to get thru this stage of life.

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