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Unsupportive & DIFFICULT mom.. help :(

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:44 AM
  • 14 Replies

 I'm 21 and pregnant with my first baby. I'm 7 months, and still working 2 jobs and going to school part time. I was living at home with my parents until my boyfriend (who I have been with for 3 years) got his own place. My mom is extremely controlling... she looks at my bank account activity and questions and critsizes me about where I spend MY money. She has access to my account because she knows all of my login information which I haven't gotten around to change. Ever since I've moved out she has been constantly trying to talk me into moving back home. She has even told me that she will not financially help me if I do not move back home. I am critisized for every decision I make... whether it be about school... or money.. or anything. She expects my boyfriend to pay for EVERYTHING, and when I contribute to our bills she tells me that I need to move back home before he sucks me dry. I pay for ONE bill out of about 10... that being our cell phone bill that we share. I have all of the baby's nursery furniture still at her house, and whenever I talk about moving it to the apartment she gets mad.

I just don't know what to do... the only time she ever calls me or anything is to check up on me... she will randomly text me and say "what are you doing"... not "how was your day" or "how are you feeling", but "what are you doing"... and then when I tell her she usually doesn't respond back. She just called my work phone and asked what time I came in this morning... and after I told her she said "ok, well theres my other line, I'll talk to you later". I'm just so frusterated.

She also has me on her health insurance and is steadily trying to convince me to put the baby on her insurance when my boyfriend has a very stable job with good benefits and of course HE wants the baby on his insurance. I had to go to the hospital when I was early on in my pregnancy and the hospital bill was 1500$ and she is constantly dangling that over my head... so I know if the baby is on her insurance that will just be another thing for her to herass me about. I don't know what to do... she is so controlling and it's driving me crazy!

by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:44 AM
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by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:48 AM

Like my mother would say... Time to cut the cord. If you don't soon it will be like this forever!! I have a friend that is 28 his mother is still like this with him. Your 21 beyond the age of an adult, it will only get worse as time goes on...

by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:51 AM

all i can think is just don't tell your mom everything.. and change your bank info asap.. and if you can get off her insurance and onto another then do that also.. don't cut your mom out of your life just don't give her control.. as long as you give it to her she is going to take it so just don't even give her a chance to do anything. and you might just have to put your foot down and tell your mom like it is..

by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:59 AM

 1 Change your passwords now. She has no right to look at your personal info. 2 Get your furniture just don't talk about doing it. Your 21 and an Adult. Time for your mom to realize it and stop treating you like a teen.

by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:04 AM

Sounds like to me you need to put your foot down and tell her how it is. Don't let her run you life anymore. Stay with your boyfriend and live your own life. And for goodness sakes change your passwords and not let her see what your doing in your life. If it doesn't stop now before the baby is born it will only get worse. She will than try and fun your childs life also.

CafeMom Tickers
by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:06 AM

You need to change your passwords and info, get off her insurance go on medicaid if you have to, get your furniture, and tell her to back off.  The next time she does any of this tell her that it is rude, controlling and absurd behavior and that you won't be communicating with her until she decides to act like an adult and not a prison guard. My mom was this way, I had to stop talking to her and having anything to do with her for months to get her to wake up and realize that it is my life I live it how I want and she needs to back off.  Oh yeah don't let her do anything for you she will hang over you every time, my mom paid my car and insurance while in college ( a deal for getting good grades etc.) and she stil brings it up and I graduated almost 5 years ago. 

by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:14 AM

 Well i think you have your stuff together and i think its a good idea to be with the babies dad so you both have and equal opportunity to share your babies milestones. Get a pack n play for your mothers house so you can occasionally stop by with the baby and have some alone time with your mom. Your mom seems to be having a hard time accepting that her baby girl is growing up and she wants to be there to help you with the baby and unfortunately try to tell you HOW to raise the child. MY mom was like that and when things didnt go right and i parented my own way she called dss on me for not staying home and accused me of beating her. I was homeless and had my daughter taken away. I had to go to drug testing parenting classes phsyciatric evaluation and many other things over the course of a year. It took me a long time to get her back. I was only 20 years old when all this happened and it devastated me. Now i have my little girl and shes 3. Dont let your mom control you and try to tell you how to raise your child it could stir some things up. If you have been with him for 3 years you need to decided if this is a choice you definately want to commit to living with him. I say go with your gut. You dont need someone crtisizing your every move!! GL hun and i hope this helped alittle.

by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:33 AM

Quoting shamillionaire:

Like my mother would say... Time to cut the cord. If you don't soon it will be like this forever!! I have a friend that is 28 his mother is still like this with him. Your 21 beyond the age of an adult, it will only get worse as time goes on...

I agree! My SO's mom was like this.. not as controlling but pretty close.. he pretty much said yeah ok and let it roll of his shoulders til he just stopped talking to her.. They said they would never help finacialy and would cut him off so he got all his stuff in his name and did what he had to do to keep them out of it. I know its hard. and she seems way rediculous..  but now she has let it go a bit. we are on our second kid. and she has backed off a bit.. Idk how it will turn out but you need to get your stuff and It seems to me that you and your BF can take care of yourselfs. so I wouldnt worry about her anymore. DO what you need to do and if she can't handle it its her problem.. maybe if youstick up to her she will learn that you have grown up and come around.. GOOD LUCK!! iknow its hard to grow up but its worse when the parents don't let you!! hugs!!

CafeMom Tickers
by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:34 AM

Sounds like a solid break might be a really great idea...
I would text her and say: "I am going to be unavailable this week-  just wanted you to know so you won't worry.    I am fine, just need a break.   I will call you on Saturday."  

She will have to live without controlling you for a while & learn she CAN survive!
It might allow her to move on and let go some...

:- /



by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:35 AM

And def change your account settings!

by Silver Member on May. 2, 2010 at 11:59 AM

I can understand where you are coming from and each of the responders are telling you some good advice. It's your life time to take control especially before the baby gets here, cause it will get worse. I know that your afraid of making your mom mad and her not being there to help you if you ever need her. But i see that your a strong woman and she is always going to be there for you. It's just a scare tactic to get you to do what she wants. Call it out and put a stop to it.

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