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Adoption...R You Nuts!

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:05 AM
  • 28 Replies

Sry it's so long just needed to vent and share...

Ok well I'll start off by saying that I love my husband I really do but there are times where I just want o punch him in the face. And now is a great time. Well his mother comes home. Mind you he just got out of the Military so we're staying with her until we get our own place. Well everyone goes to bed and we laying there talking and he says "I don't know if having a baby right now is the best thing to do, I can't make a truck payment and a rent payment with a child also and take care of you and me at the same time." My heart sank mind you he's been talking about adoption sice I got pregnant and we found out he was getting outta the Military. But I said "But how do you think I feel about this I don't wanna give the baby up for adoption cause I done lost two kids I don't think I could handle loosing another." So "He's like well that don't matter cause we'll have another one later in life when we can afford to have one." But let alone he has a problem we don't know what it is and why it's doing what it's doing but he has a swollen right nut and he's scared to go to the doc cause of what they would say. His family has wanted him and me to give the baby up for adoption since they found out we was pregnant but, the way I was raised "if your woman enough to lay there and get pregnant then your woman enough to take care of a baby." So by giving the child up for adoption he thinks that everything will be just fine and so does his family. Now my question is how can you give your baby up for adoption when you feel it kicking and moving and you can see it via ultrasound's. But your just giving it to someone else I know there are woman out in the world that can't have babies and would love nothing more then to have a child and if I was really young I would consider that cause I did when I was pregnant with my daughter. But I lost my other two kids could I really handle loosing another? What would you do if you was in my situation..But I think that we could indeed take care of a baby and get what we need also only cause I've done it before!!

by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BlessedToBMommy
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:07 AM

simple dont give your baby up and if he continues this way either he can love his child and help you raise it or he can pay the damned check !

MommyRJ
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:07 AM

 wow. im sorry hun.

i wouldnt, and if his family and him are so set on it and it becomes an issue- leave and keep your baby.

no way.

Pandapanda
by Amber on May. 26, 2010 at 10:09 AM

If you wait to have kids until you can afford them.. you'll NEVER have them. If he isn't going to stop this crap, he isn't the husband you deserve.

if I were in your shoes, i'd give him a choice.. his family, or child support payments and a divorce. You can always make more money, but children aren't as easily made.

jessihernandez
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:11 AM

The only thing you can do is follow your heart. If your heart is telling you to keep your baby, then that's what you need to do. Otherwise, you will never forgive yourself and you will end up resenting him for "making" you give away your baby. Good luck to you. I know it's a difficult situation and will not be easy to come to a resolution.

Mommy2Be9112010
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:12 AM

Thank You! that's wht I been trying to tell him but he just don't want to listen to anything. But his family knows more then we do and they think it would be the best thing and his mother gave vhim up for adoption when he was born...so I don't see where she has the room to talk?

Quoting Pandapanda:

If you wait to have kids until you can afford them.. you'll NEVER have them. If he isn't going to stop this crap, he isn't the husband you deserve.

if I were in your shoes, i'd give him a choice.. his family, or child support payments and a divorce. You can always make more money, but children aren't as easily made.


Pandapanda
by Amber on May. 26, 2010 at 10:15 AM

Screw his family. This is your child, you are responsible for it's well being and happiness. If they aren't willing to help make it work for you two, then they aren't worth being associated with. It will be rough in the beginning, but it WILL be okay.

Keep trying to talk to your husband about it, but if he doesn't straighten up, i'd find a relative to stay with.

Quoting Mommy2Be9112010:

Thank You! that's wht I been trying to tell him but he just don't want to listen to anything. But his family knows more then we do and they think it would be the best thing and his mother gave vhim up for adoption when he was born...so I don't see where she has the room to talk?

Quoting Pandapanda:

If you wait to have kids until you can afford them.. you'll NEVER have them. If he isn't going to stop this crap, he isn't the husband you deserve.

if I were in your shoes, i'd give him a choice.. his family, or child support payments and a divorce. You can always make more money, but children aren't as easily made.



gregory2
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:16 AM

Thats tough. I'm so sorry he is pressuring you like this. Also, his family. Sometimes guys don't get the connection between their child until its born. I've seen some guys do a complete turn around, and I've seen some walk away. If his family is not supporting though its not a good enviroment for you and the baby IMO. If it were me I would still keep my baby. I couldn't give it up. My dh never said anything about giving our son up for adoption or abortion, but he denied him as being his in the beginning. Which I assure you i knew who my babys daddy was and he knew too at the time we weren't married he was just getting home from iraq and I don't think he wanted to face the music. Well we split up when I was 6 mo bc I got tired of listening to him tell me was it even his baby yada yada. Well the night our son was born he came to the hospital (all f*cked up) and he couldn't deny him he was the spitting imagine of him. He cried wit pride and it was a sweet moment. He then decided to take on the "daddy" role and we've been married almost 4 years with #3 on the way. I hope it gets better, but I'm afraid he wont get the connection until the baby is actually born, and I don't want you to stress. Me personally, I coudln't give my baby up for adoption.... (((hugs))))

majikalmama
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:17 AM
Mama I say follow your heart. GL mama I hope everything works out for the better.
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Javi05Eli07
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:17 AM

I'm sorry, but with that kind of attitude he would be an ex-husband real fast.  If him and his family are that insistent on adoption right now, who knows what they might try and pull later on.

Mommy2Be9112010
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:18 AM

Well I told him a last night that it was me and the baby or him and his family I can't give up my child cause I just can't do it anymore...and he thinks that it's easy so I told him once you gt to hold the baby maybe your mind will change but hey he can't give it up anyways I have to sign the papers just as much as he does.

Quoting Pandapanda:

Screw his family. This is your child, you are responsible for it's well being and happiness. If they aren't willing to help make it work for you two, then they aren't worth being associated with. It will be rough in the beginning, but it WILL be okay.

Keep trying to talk to your husband about it, but if he doesn't straighten up, i'd find a relative to stay with.

Quoting Mommy2Be9112010:

Thank You! that's wht I been trying to tell him but he just don't want to listen to anything. But his family knows more then we do and they think it would be the best thing and his mother gave vhim up for adoption when he was born...so I don't see where she has the room to talk?

Quoting Pandapanda:

If you wait to have kids until you can afford them.. you'll NEVER have them. If he isn't going to stop this crap, he isn't the husband you deserve.

if I were in your shoes, i'd give him a choice.. his family, or child support payments and a divorce. You can always make more money, but children aren't as easily made.

 



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