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Moms of 2+: Im so sad and scared :(

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:10 PM
  • 41 Replies

I have no one else i can REALLY talk to about this. Hubby doesnt even get it.

I cried as i tucked my DD into bed tonight. She is so about mommy and I am so about her. She was laying there staring at me and whispering jibberish and rubbing my hair and saying mama's hair as i rubbed hers. I couldnt help but have tears. I feel like im going to break her spirit with another. :( I hope not and I hope she still loves mommy as much.     :( She's my angel baby! As much as i want this baby to come now, i also dont because i know it wont just be 'mommy and me'! :(  What makes it worse is we did it so they could be close in age and have each other as well!

What's the best advice you can give me because i am so sad and scared about this.

CafeMom Tickers

CafeMom Tickers
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:13 PM

You sound EXACTLY like me.

But guess what?    My 2 DDs are BEST friends!     They play together amazingly well, they love each other more than they love ...me!

What a wonderful gift for your daughter, another very special person to truly love deeply and grow up with.

Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.

~Barbara Katz Rothma

When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change. -Mongan

by Member on May. 26, 2010 at 11:13 PM

I know exactly how you are feeling! I have a 2 1/2 year old and I am feeling guilty already. I don't want her to feel pushed aside. She is already acting out and her little sister isn't even here yet.

by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:16 PM

 Oh, it's going to be so hard to understand until you actually have it happen....  but everything really will be ok.  Your heart for your child and your child's heart for you doesn't change due to circumstances.  Your lap will still be her safe place, those looks in the eyes and kisses on the cheeks and snuggles will still be just as sweet.  She will still be just as warm and wonderful to just know she's yours.  There will just be more than one person that you feel that gigantic love for.  And sometime when both are snuggled up on your lap and you feel like heaven couldn't be any better.  You will remember that you were worried and wonder why.  And chances are really good that at your daughter's age...  She will think of a new baby more as a neat distraction more than anything else.  There may be tiny places of jealousy,  but that's why we have two arms....  and as long as she feels included, she will be just as happy as she is now!

by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:16 PM

My DD1 was almost the exact same age as yours when DD2 was born, and she LOVES her sister! We got her a baby doll, and she calls it "her Panga" and takes it everywhere, feeds her, bathes her. The only "problem" we had is her wanting to help too much! She tries to pick her up to bring her to me, or give her the sucky if shes crying, or brings her toys to play with. I watched her try and bury the baby in toys the other day when she was sitting in her swing.

The best advice I can give you, besides the "spend time with her when baby is sleeping" advice everyone gave me, is try and let her help you as much as you possibly can. Eventually shell get used to baby, and youll all be one big happy family! It just takes some getting used to. Dont worry, you wont love her any "less" cause you have another, your heart will just grow to love them both :)

by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:18 PM

Hey mama!  As I am not currently pregnant, I do know what you are going through.  I too struggle with the same issue.  I so badly want another one but I don't want Elizabeth to feel left out should we ever have another.  I want to enjoy her as much as I possibly can.  But, like I said, I would LOVE to have another baby.  She will 3 on July 4th and I just think that if it doesn't happen soon it's not going to.  I wanted them close in age too and I just don't know if that will happen. 

The best piece of advice I can offer you is to just prep her the best you can.  Keep telling her that you love her and nothing will change that.  Keep telling her that she is going to be a big sister and that is the best and most important job in the world!  She is your first and you two will always share that special bond.  Also,  (I have decided that this is what I'm doing should #2 come along), take her to pick out a new baby doll and maybe some accessories (ie- little bath tub, clothes, blankies) and tell her that mommy's getting a new baby and now you have a new baby to take care of while mommy takes care of new baby.  That might make the transition a little easier for her.  Just make sure that nothing of her's that she's using now will be going to the baby.  If she's still in her crib and you will be using that for the baby, start transitioning now to a big girl bed or she might feel like she is being pushed to the side so to speak.  Hope this helps!  Good luck and congrats!

by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:18 PM

You sound JUST like me when I was pregnant with Logan!! I had dreams that Brendan would be wandering in a room, in a dirty diaper while I fawned over the baby!! I dreamed he would be lonely and not love mommy any more!

But let me tell you, Brendan LOVED his brother! They are absolutely the BEST of friends. I swear to you, they will have the most amazing bond! My boys are 18 months apart and are so amazingly close! 

It took very little adjusting. I absolutely know how you are feeling, but let me PROMISE you, it will be ok!

My advice, make sure you take time out of your day to spend with her!! When the baby is asleep, FORGET the dishes, or folding laundry, or whatever and spend time with your oldest. Do not get upset with her if she doesnt want to have anything to do with the baby and just reassure her its ok! 

Take walks together, WITH the baby in the stroller and talk and jabber as you do now! Try and act as normal as possible. Keep her routine as best you can. If YOU normally put her to bed, KEEP that. If YOU read her a story, KEEP that. Dont change her routine all up just because of the baby : )


by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:18 PM

 My sonand i were so super close and we planned another. He was THRILLED to be a big brother. He has doted on sisiy from day one. He is still mommas boy and nothing has changed except there is another person to love. We are now expecting number 3 ( one heck of a surprise i might add) My youngest is 17 mo old. They both love to hug and rub my belly, and talk about the baby. Just make her comfortable being there with you in everything you do. Bathing feeding snuggling, and don't forget the special time w just you and her when baby is sleeping. She will be JUST FINE!! HUGS!!

by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:18 PM

My daughters will be 22 months apart and I am so worried about how she will react to a new sister. She is mommy's little girl and loves to just sit in my lap and sing. I am nervous too. BUT, I know it will all work out well. I am one of 7. We are all a year to a year and a half apart and we are all so close. Hopefully it will be the same for your kids and mine. They'll be great!

by Bronze Member on May. 26, 2010 at 11:19 PM

Include her in everything! Make a big deal of her being a big sister and all she will teach the new baby. show her with a baby doll how to touch/hold the new baby.  we also had my hubby stay home at night to be with our 1st DD when I was in the hospital....i had the nurses to help me and she need some normal routines. no matter what both get a little screwed....1st goes from having all the attention to having to share mommy and daddy, 2nd always shares :-).

Truth be told, I was scared too...but my girls are already close. After the baby comes you do need to make time for just you and DD. It's important since in the begining you are non stop with the new baby. Good luck! All will be good...just ask for help when you need it!

CafeMom TickersCafeMom Tickers

by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:20 PM

BELIEVE ME I am right there with you only my son is now 9 weeks old, my babies are 15 1/2 mo apart and NOT planned, it was not good timing and I was not ready. Let me tell you, I wont lie, there are good days and bad days, my hubby switched shifts so he works swing now, so if Im having a hard time I dont get to look forward to him comming home and helping me I just have to deal with it alone, and there are so many days where I just cried but even just talking to my step mom on the phone was a HUGE help. MAKE SURE you have LOTS of support, friends family etc. You will need it. And let me tell you I was already in counseling for ppd, but I talked about these feelings about how honestly I didnt feel the same connection and excitement as I did with my son Jack, I did not enjoy the pregnancy and I was terrified, but over time the bond has grown, its really important not to expect yourself to feel everything you did the first time. It may be there and it may not, for me it took time, but its normal!

If you want to talk at all feel free to pm  me any time, I am FB a lot more so if you want to connect let me know! My son Jack will be 18 mo on the 5th of next mo, and William is going to be 9 weeks fri.

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