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We haven't talked in 3 days

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:34 PM
  • 18 Replies

My dh and I haven't that is. I'm not really sure if its my hormones getting the best of me if I'm just being a b tch or what but I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. My dh is an engineer so he is gone anywhere from 8-12 hrs. a day at that job as well as we own a coffee shop thats like 45 minutes away that he had before we got married. On top of that he mowes 12 yards on saturdays. I guess my deal is he is NEVER home some days he leaves his day job and goes to the coffee shop. On saturdays he mowes then goes to the coffee shop. On friday he was gonna take me with him to the shop cause he was doing an interview. Well he calls me 1hr before he has to be there to tell me that he wont be able to leave for 20 min or so. I said ok so basically you are calling to tell me that you don't have time to pick me up ( no surprise there). He says I will call u in 30 min, ok what difference is that gonna make. So he calls me on his way to the shop says hes gonna do the interview and he will be right home afterward. Not surprising to me cause he does this shit to me all the time he doesn't get home till freekin almost midnight ah wtf where have you been!!!!!! This is how I get treated all the time and when he is home he is doing paperwork for the coffee shop or taking a litlle nap cause is he soooo tired. He takes one of those when he gets home from his day job and then wakes up when we go to bed to do his paperwork. So yesterday I'm an unsupportive wife and why cant I understand. You know what I understand is that you don't have time in your life for me never the less a family!!!!! Sorry this is so long but this is the 3rd day in a row that we have not said anything nice to each other and I'm about to loose it!!!!!!! I have already had many conversations with him about how I feel and all he says is "you know what I do, you know that I have to get stuff done" What do I do ladies? I can't take it anymore!!!!

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
shellie830
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:37 PM

Man that sucks completely! Do you guys have only 1 car?

abra
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:39 PM

Usually when stuff like this happens, I try to 1)step back from the situation and try to see it objectively 2)make a list of things I know I could be doing better to help with this situation 3)make a (short) list of things dh could do to help me with these situations and 4) ask for a calm sit down with the agreement to work it out without arguing or raising our voices. If no agreement can be met, we put it on the back burner until we can both cool down a bit. Good luck!

JenC447
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:39 PM

 No I have my own car but being 31 weeks preggo with spd theres not much to do.

Quoting shellie830:

Man that sucks completely! Do you guys have only 1 car?


shellie830
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:42 PM


Quoting JenC447:

 No I have my own car but being 31 weeks preggo with spd theres not much to do.

Quoting shellie830:

Man that sucks completely! Do you guys have only 1 car?

 

Was just wondering if he could make an effort to say let's have lunch together or dinner at the coffee shop I'll meet you there.. Good luck w/ this situation, I hate it when we are both so mad at each other and we just do the silent thing too!

JenC447
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:44 PM

Ya it really sucks this is the longest we have gone without talking he has been sleeping on the couch and during the day today I have been in our room while he is in the living room doing paperwork. I even went to the gym and church by myself this morning.

Quoting shellie830:

 

Quoting JenC447:

 No I have my own car but being 31 weeks preggo with spd theres not much to do.

Quoting shellie830:

Man that sucks completely! Do you guys have only 1 car?

 

Was just wondering if he could make an effort to say let's have lunch together or dinner at the coffee shop I'll meet you there.. Good luck w/ this situation, I hate it when we are both so mad at each other and we just do the silent thing too!


jesselswick
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:51 PM

I'm in the same position kind of. My husband is in the military. He sold me on the idea of getting this place as a duty station because it would be a break from deployments, he would be home more and would spend more time with us. fat chance of that. We have been here 2 years and I saw him more when he was deployed and doing field exercises then I do here. 

    I understand that there are months where he doesn't really get a day off of he goes weeks with little to no sleep because of rotations, but when he does have time off, he never wants to participate in anything with me and the kids. Its all about him sitting his a** on the couch and doing nothing. When i ask him to do something he yells at me and tells me to leave him alone, its his first time off since (insert expletive here and amount of time). When i try and tell him I understand and that we have left him alone the majority of the day he gets up and either goes for a ride on his stupid motorcycle or goes upstairs and goes back to sleep. 

   Yesterday I wanted him to come outside because the kids were in the pool. Both kids were yelling for him. Yesterday was the second time our almost 19 month old had been in there and I wanted him to see that he was able to get around on his own. Well, he just shut the back patio door and yelled at us to be quiet!! And today, all he has done is sleep, bitch at me for no reason and then left to go for a ride. 

    I wish I had some words of advice but I don't. All I can say is you are not alone in what you are going through and feeling.

beans13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:51 PM

Why does he have to work so much?  I mean seriously...he is an engineer, you own your own business.....does he really need to mow lawns?

shellie830
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:52 PM


Quoting JenC447:

Ya it really sucks this is the longest we have gone without talking he has been sleeping on the couch and during the day today I have been in our room while he is in the living room doing paperwork. I even went to the gym and church by myself this morning.

Quoting shellie830:

 

Quoting JenC447:

 No I have my own car but being 31 weeks preggo with spd theres not much to do.

Quoting shellie830:

Man that sucks completely! Do you guys have only 1 car?

 

Was just wondering if he could make an effort to say let's have lunch together or dinner at the coffee shop I'll meet you there.. Good luck w/ this situation, I hate it when we are both so mad at each other and we just do the silent thing too!

 


I know it's hard, maybe you're going to have to be the one who starts things out.. I know believe me I know it's hard to do that (I'm a red head we have TEMPERS) but seems to me that's your best bet to get things settled. My hubby used to work 12 hr days the school on days off and he was working nights while I worked days w/ a newborn! We would meet up at his work just to be able to see each other as much as possible, sometimes men can't see past the whole money thing.. I know money's important but your relationship is just as important to your little one coming so soon!

JenC447
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 4:57 PM

He has been mowing most of these lawns since he was 15 and he is now 37 but he does it as a side job I guess I don't really know to tell you the truth.

Quoting beans13:

Why does he have to work so much?  I mean seriously...he is an engineer, you own your own business.....does he really need to mow lawns?


beans13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 5:00 PM

I think you need to sit down with him and really talk to him about how you feel. Is this your first baby? 

Once the baby is here, you are going to have so much more on your hands and you deserve to have him around a little more.  He should want to spend some time with his child anyway.

I think 3 jobs is a little excessive (if it not required financially).

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