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Spouse communication list

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:06 PM
  • 7 Replies

DH and I agreed to come up with lists for eachother to help encourage open communication. We have been together for 8 years and are still crazy about each other which is why we want to keep things going. :-) this is what I gave him...

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Here is my list that we talked about making. I don't want you to feel like you are doing all these things wrong all the time, this isn't a critique, in theory, it is supposed to help us open up communication lines. And yes, I know I am a big bag of crazy, especially now that I'm pregnant. It frustrates me too. Please send me your list as soon as you have it pulled together.
I love you.
-a

Generally:

  1. Don't make assumptions. When in doubt, ask.
  2. When I write a grocery list or ask you to pick something up at the store, not following it to the letter is inadvisable. 9 times out of 10, I have a reason to request a specific type or brand.
  3. I need down time daily to maintain sanity. This could be alone bathroom time or messing around on the computer, but if I feel you are miffed at all (at me, the kids,the situation etc), it ruins my down time and is not an effective stress reliever for me. I already feel guilty about non-productive time. You can pretty much count on me being painfully aware of how selfish it is/feels.
  4. When I'm in a bad mood, the best thing to do is just to give me a hug. If I think it would be productive to talk about it, I will. Half the time, it is just hormonal and I'm trying to shove it.
  5. If you ask me to talk about it when I am already frustrated, it makes it worse.
  6. I prefer to talk things out when I am not a basket case because I'll have better control of my tongue and be more rational.
  7. I usually know when I am being unreasonable or ridiculous (when it comes to mood swings, anyways), I rarely know how to fix it.
  8. Needing to explain what or why I am doing something makes me feel like I need to justify it to you.
  9. When I talk to you, I need a response to know you are listening. I don't like hearing myself talk, and I have to repeat myself all day long to the kids. I don't like feeling like I'm being a mom when I am talking to you.
  10. Cleaning up or taking the kids off my hands are the top things you can do to make my life easier.
  11. I don't like being spontaneous. I prefer to prepare.
  12. I am always comforted by us time. Reading together, talking a walk, playing a game or just feeling you next to me reminds me that you love me. Doing these kinds of activities will be most effective after I have finished my chores, so I can really relax and enjoy it.
  13. Random kisses and caresses are always welcome.




Sexually:

  1. You can work on giving me time to adjust and prepare for sex. I can't just jump into it without mental and physical preparation. Trying to jump me will have the opposite of the desired effect 95% of the time.  
  2. If you are frusterated, I am frusterated = not feeling sexy at all.
  3. Be gentle with my clit. Overstimulation (which is easy to do, especially when I'm pregnant) hurts.
  4. Talking to me during sex is really good. You don't need to sound like a paperback novel, just tell me that you love me and things you particularly enjoy about us. Even telling me that it feels good is helpful.
  5. Lasting longer isn't always better, especially if I am tired or not feeling well.
  6. Sometimes pizza and a movie on the couch is going to be sexier then actually having sex.
  7. I love you and am attracted to you, even if I don't feel like having sex.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:06 PM
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Replies (1-7):
majikalmama
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:12 PM
This sounds like a good idea. I think I will talk to dh about us doing something similar.
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housefullofkidz
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:18 PM

I love this!  What's your Dh say about it?

ColieO
by Gold Member on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:21 PM
That is great!!

Especially the sex parts. I feel exactly the same!!
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mrseckstein
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:52 PM

That is awesome that you guys did that. i think DH and I need t o do that. !!


ccouch24
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:57 PM

Great Idea momma.

iloveconan
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 7:23 PM

 I love it. I'm going to steal some of these for myself, lol.

abra
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 1:08 PM

nothing. he's working on his list and then we'll go over them together.

Quoting housefullofkidz:

I love this!  What's your Dh say about it?


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