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Who should get the choices me or him?this is long, but please read

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:07 PM
  • 14 Replies

Sorry for all the posts,just had alot on my mind today and very talkative i guess. But thanks for responses cuz you guys give good advice. Sorry this is going to be super long!

OK. so me and my boyfriend(ex now) were doin great. i wouldnt do something he wanted me to (inapropriate at least i think) because i did not want to do it, it caused an argument. Apparently i didnt have a good reason because "i dont feel comfortable doing that i dont want to" is a very bad reason. ugh. well we broke up like a few weeks ago and his family put it in his mind that this baby isnt his. which we both know for a fact it is. he came up with every excuse that it couldnt be his when i corrected every mistake of those excuses. but he was still convinced it wasnt his. but the thing is he was telling our friend how this baby isnt his. tryin to give him the excuses luckily he stood up for me. and he told me the stuff he was saying. but yet he wants to make the choices. The first,middle,and last name,He wont even consider the fact it can be a girl hes so into his own mind of wanting a boy,he tells people how i dont want the child in his life when hes the one sayin its not even his! he wont admit that we did something stupid and he keeps calling this baby "our problem" i dont see him/her as a problem. idc that were young he needs to take responsibility and not the fun parts. he decided to visit family in another state for like 2 months and miss all the ultrasounds. we broke up while he was there and still is. he lied to me about everything when we were dating and i wanted him to be in the baby's life as much as he wanted. all the time even. he always turned my words around and said that i said the opposite.he always says how i want to hurt my baby by running because i go WALKING. he started being so rude to me and telling everyone its not his and twisting my words that i told him i would tell him when the 20 week ultrasound is and its up to him to remember and go. but other than that i dont want him in my life till the baby is born. then he can choose if he wants it in "his" life.

So basically by question is..Who should get the choice of names,and all the fun stuff. cuz we can not agree. and quite frankley hes just ignorant and doesnt even want my opinion. He says i need him for everything about this baby. but he acts like he doesnt even care about it! Hes the one who told everyone i was pregnant when i didnt wanna tell anyone yet and then he told everyone its not his! ugh. opinions and thoughts? So back to my question..who do you think should choose the names?

besides my family he made me do this alone. im soo confused. neither of us had a dad really growing up and i dont want my baby to not have one. but then again i dont want him/her to have a dad thats gonna be in and out of his/her life when its convinient for him/her. thats how mine was and thats how my ex acts.

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AMarineLovesMe
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:09 PM

The final decisions are yours hun.  If you choose to let him have input thats great, but in the end it's up to you.

truealaskanmom
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:09 PM

If he isn't involved and not helpful then you pick the name and it is better for baby to have your last name than another one

Melissa0741
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:10 PM
Well I think you can write whatever you want as the child's name on the birth certificate when he/she is born...
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SoLuckysAngel
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:16 PM

 Normally I'm all for making the decisions together, but in this situation I would have to say it's completely your decision. If it's "not his" like he's telling people why would he even care ya know. Sounds like a dad that is more detrimental to have around then not. **hugs** I'm sorry you have to go through this.

mcclellanlass
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:21 PM

All I have to say, is dump the guy, change your number, and never look for or to him again. Now that we have that covered, I think it's clear who has the choice. DUH! YOU DO! You are caring this child, so that makes you ULTIMATELY responsible. Send this douche bag packing. ugh. Hate men like that, they make me want to puke all over them!

Seriously though, leave the dude far far behind you, and do it YOUR WAY! I would go as far as to NOT putting him on the BC, if he changes his ways down the road, make him PAY to be added to the BC, and maybe, just maybe have the last name changed. 

winterbaby2926
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:22 PM

i got so tired of standin up for myself and "my" child that i told him if he wants to continue to say its not his and act so rude and ignorant its gonna be my decision and the names i picked goes. he doesnt like either the boy or girl name but honestly im way to pissed off to care much. i was tryin to be so nice to him now im standin up for myself and baby for good. i want to make the best decision best for the child, he wants to make the decision to make him happy. i think the names i picked are cute. he said "the kid" will get made fun of at school. err....

Javi05Eli07
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:24 PM

Since you two are not married the decision is completely up to you.  Here in Wisconsin, if the parents are not married the father has to fill out a special form to even be included on the birth certificate.  The mother also has final word because dad can't sign papers (unless special circumstances) for baby.

mcclellanlass
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:30 PM


Quoting winterbaby2926:

i got so tired of standin up for myself and "my" child that i told him if he wants to continue to say its not his and act so rude and ignorant its gonna be my decision and the names i picked goes. he doesnt like either the boy or girl name but honestly im way to pissed off to care much. i was tryin to be so nice to him now im standin up for myself and baby for good. i want to make the best decision best for the child, he wants to make the decision to make him happy. i think the names i picked are cute. he said "the kid" will get made fun of at school. err....

Where do you live? This guy is seriously making me want to come pound his face in.

Pandapanda
by Amber on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:36 PM
Honestly, and this might sound bad.. he needs to be told to f-off. You make the decisions, you do what YOU want.. not him. If he wants to be a jackass and pull the "its not mine" bull, then he should have zero input.

I would completely stop talking to him and have him served with child support papers after the baby comes. Don't let him sign the birth certificate, don't give the baby his name, don't let him stress you. He might think you're a royal you know what, but when it comes to your child and the situation you're in- you have every right to be a bitch.
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winterbaby2926
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:44 PM

Like all this is true. i'll admit i had to fight back. so yea i guess im a huge bitch because i have told him off. he just yelled back harder. after making it perfectly clear i didnt want anything to do with him and us not to talk until that 20 w ultrasound, he didnt text me for days and i was stress free. and today he randomly texts me and says "im getting a lil tan" WTF?! i didnt reply. That had nothing to do with the baby, so by no means should he even try to talk/text me. right? ughhh. im so much happier doin this on my own no matter how stupid that sounds.

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