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So Upset!!! Anyone Else Ever Have This Happen? Kinda long.. but need support

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:00 PM
  • 5 Replies

 ok backstory: 

 so i have lived in Pittsburgh for 5 yrs...and have had one true best friend. Her and i are so much alike. She has been wanting to settle down since ive known her (last 3 yrs) she got married last yr and was planning to start a family..then i got pregnant. there were jealoiusy issues but she got over them. Her hubby is younger then her and way immature. before he kept talking about wanting to start a family and was so excited about it, right after they got married. she is someone who doesnt drink. if so on occasion and ive seen her drunk twice in 3 yrs. she doesnt like the party scene. shes the type to sit home and watch t.v, go to the movies.... a home body......

now all he wants to do is go out and 'just have his fun and not have to hear about it.'  he talked to my hubby and said he was contemplating divorce bc he was sick of my friend bitching about his reckless behavior of drinking and literally staying out ALL NIGHT, driving drunk, fighting when drinking and going out literally every weekend... fri sat and sun!!!. and basically wanted to be able to do what he wants. (there have been many rumors of him cheating on her. my hubby has seen things, but we dont have physical proof so we havent told her). dont want to ruin a marraige if not true.

anyway.. within the last couple months.. i have to ask her to do stuff bc she barely asks me. half the time i ask her, she says no she has stuff to do.  within the last month shes been going out and drinking with her hubby and his new friends. (which are also co workers. same co workers my hubby works with..but he wont go out drinking bc he thinks theyre immature) she has gotten completely wasted so they couldnt drive home. (something she NEVER does) the one time she was semi sober while he was WASTED, she let him drive home... they came across a check point and they luckily passed somehow. well she told me she was driving..turned out she completely lied to me. she didnt want to tell me the truth..obviously she was ashamed she let that happen.  now she goes to happy hr every fri and so on... told me she thinks she just 'liked' the idea of starting a family... but doesnt want to now and is having her fun. shes just completely changed from the person i knew. and i think its bc she told me shes afraid her hubby will get bored of her and leave her bc she wasnt going out and was 'being too serious.'

im just really upset right now bc i feel like im totally losing my friend. i know i cant tell her what to do and im all for her making new friends. but these ppl arent the best influences. ive met them and theyre nice.  but even though theyre a married couple, they both get so drunk till they pass out. the husband was so drunk he puked on himself while DRIVING home and had to get out and change and drive the rest of the way home naked. these arent ppl i wanna be around. and she didnt either until recently. she kept saying what a bad influence they were to her husband. now shes buddy buddy with the girl. and i barely see her bc shes always with them......

im just really upset that. she was the closest person to me.. like my sister. and shes completely changed. it makes me sick.  sorry this is long and im rambling.. im just really upset and crying.... i realize im changing to bc im becoming a mommy....but this just sux.  i feel all alone.. like i lost my best friend/sister.....



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Hellena &hearts; Jeramey < Married on 4/10/10, Together since 5/1/06 >

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:00 PM
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by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:08 PM

 I'm SO SORRY MAMA!!! All I can tell you is SIT her down and talk to her! Let her know, you're NOT trying at all to tell her what to do, but let her know your concerns about her and what she's been doing!

It sounds to me like she may be depressed and trying to cover it up and also thinks this is the best way to get her hubby's attention...

by Freebirther on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:13 PM

I agree with orange4agua72.  You need to talk to her.  It is best for her to hear it from someone who loves her.  She may get angry.  She may deny it, but she needs to hear it.  Good luck mama.  I hope all turns out alright for her.  :(  No man is worth becoming an alcoholic for. 

My cousin has been an alcoholic for a long time.  She is now in liver failure.  They have given her about a year or two to live, without a liver transplant.  However, they won't even put her on the list until she has been without a drink for 3 months (I think that's how long).  She's relapsed twice.  :(  There is no reason to put yourself into that type of situation.

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:17 PM

ive dealt with friends that totally changed to please their SOs. It sux, but all u can really do is just stay around letting her know ur there for her and to be there when she finally realizes she wants to change! good luck!

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:19 PM

 well i have tried talking to her 2 different times... one was tonight and didnt go well.. AT ALL. being pregnant and hormonal on top of this.... made me not handle it so well. i finally wrote an email out to her. so i could explain myself w/o being interupted. or have it come off the wrong way.

we sat down and had a talk before. and she was so upset about her hubby not coming home on the weekends for the 3rd or 4th weekend in the row. he stays at that couples house bc hes too wasted. and they dont bring him home to her, they just take him to their house. which i find odd. i told her the talk he had with my hubby. and that that guys wife is all over her hubby at work. shes overly flirty and touchy and such. and now shes becoming buddy buddy with her. wtf?! her hubby told her he wants them to 'try knew things'. shes not open in the sexual way at all. wont even talk about sex. he said he wants to have his fun blah blah. so she said she thinks he will get bored of her and was afraid of losing him.

the next weekend shes out with all them... we were supposed to go but got a flat tire. and she tarts texting me that shes wasted and so is he and on and on. its just not like her. then they all go to a concert and she gets wasted. and now shes saying she doesnt want toi start a family and think she just convinced herself she did. shes just acting the complete opposite of who she has been since ive known her,. just really upsets me....

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:22 PM

 shes far from an alchoholic... she never has really drank until recently. but i think shes completely changing herself for her husband. who is just pathetic and immature. him on the other hand.... i think could be an alchoholic. he made an ass out of himself at our wedding in april and was ALL OVER every girl grabbing ass and flirting. she saw it..and yet still said nothing to him. bc she 'knows hes just joking'. give me a friggin break.

but i dont say anything about that bc its her relationship and her business. but if i were acting like her... shed deff be telling me about it.

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