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Was it important for you to be married before you had a baby? Do you think it matters?

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:19 AM
  • 11 Replies

Getting Pregnant Before Marriage Shouldn't Be a Big Deal

Posted by Michele Zipp on April 18, 2012 

pregnant bellySingle moms don't get enough respect. There are whispers and assumptions and far too much talk about a woman who has a child before marriage -- even when she is with the father of the child. Most of us have sex before we get married. Is it really that big of a deal if a woman decides to have a baby should she get pregnant before saying "I do"? Her life, her choice (along with the daddy).

A new report shows that more people are having kids before marriage -- so hopefully people change their views. And this has nothing to do with the teen pregnancy rate, which has actually decreased. The group that shows a jump in having a baby is couples that live together but haven't tied the knot. Just like Brad and Angie. Only without the fame and fortune, which apparently is necessary to avoid scorn.

I get it. I do. My own mother made it clear she thought I should be married before I had kids. And ultimately that's how it worked out for me, but if I had gotten pregnant before my now-husband and I walked down the aisle, we would have had that baby (or babies, we ended up having twins). And I know my mom would have loved the babies just the same. (She probably would have pressured us to tie the knot soon after though.)

The study showed that first births for unwed parents between the ages of 15 and 44 rose from 12 percent in 2002 to 22 percent. More couples are living together before marriage and pregnancy is more likely to happen.

Still nothing like a baby out of wedlock to get people all riled up. Maybe some are too rooted in tradition or worry about the stability of un-marrieds. I'm not sure why some people think that just because two people are married that means they will stay married, and they must be the most stable people ever. 

Things have changed since "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage" -- and people's mindsets need to change along with it.

Was it important for you to be married before you had a baby? Do you think it matters?

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lisab930
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:25 AM
My friends mom and dad had 3 children and have been together since school and are still together 20 odd years later. They aren't married I don't think it really matters. I think people change in most cases after marriage and doesn't end up working out. I have 1 child with my boyfriend and another on the way and we have the same last name anyway so we look married even though we are not lol
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mommy2bRN007
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:29 AM
Nope.. Just a piece of paper to us... And as far as I'm concerned that piece of paper does not make or break a family.
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schultzal
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:31 AM

I don't think it matters in regard to everyone else, but it was what I wanted for myself. 

staffordmommy
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 5:26 AM
I wanted to w/ my first but couldn't b/c dh had a very long and drawn out divorce (crazy b**ch) I don't know y really. I honestly think that it was so I wouldn't be judged or so that people wouldn't look down on me. I live I'm a small town, so others' opinions matter to me. I wish they didn't.
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YzmaRocks
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 7:11 AM
1 mom liked this
It was very important to me to be married first. Hubby and I didn't even sleep together before getting married. Our wedding night was the first time for both of us :)

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purvislets
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 7:34 AM

 It was definitely important for us.  I'm not going to lie and say that I was perfect and did everything right.  We did have sex before we got married.  But we both wish we had waited.  Regardless, for us, it was important to be married first and have babies second.

That's not saying that I would look down on anyone who had a baby outside of marriage.  We all make our own choices in life and most of the time those choices don't affect anyone else.  It's a personal choice as well as one that ultimately only you can answer for. 


audreesmama
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 7:39 AM

With my first, we waited. We were married before we had her and all that jazz. When she was 18 months he went to work one night and never came home. After that I decided marriage doesn't make a man ready, it doesn't make a man stay and it doesn't make a man grow up when he needs to. I'm with the father of my second (19 weeks pregnant) and we aren't married. We have discussed marriage and that's something we will probably do just to make things easier, like insurance. However, signing your name doesn't make a relationship solid. If you're going to split up, it'll just happen. Wearing a ring doesn't magically make that disappear. 

jakesmom323
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 8:29 AM
For me personally it was important to be married before we had a baby just because it's just how I believe things should be for our little family. I absolutely don't judge anyone else that doesn't and it's not any of my business how others live their lives. I think being married makes things easier as far as help and finances but I've known people that are financially stable and getting close to 40 and had one so they could. It's just a challenge for most I would think.
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nikkifam5
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 8:34 AM
My first was born out of wedlock. Then we became very deep into our faith and knew for us it was best to wait until we were married , to have any more.. to us marriage isn't the paper.. its the ceremony and the vows behind it all...
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first.time.momy
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Exactly! And just because I have a piece of paper saying I'm married is not going to make me or my SO love our son any less. And that piece of paper doesn't mean I can't still become a single mother. While Parker wasn't planned. He isn't a mistake and we wouldn't have it any other way.


Quoting mommy2bRN007:

Nope.. Just a piece of paper to us... And as far as I'm concerned that piece of paper does not make or break a family.

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