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Pregnancy Pregnancy

heart broken and sleeping on the couch

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So for weeks I've been trying to get my dh to want to have sex with me. We have a 4 yo DS I'm 19 weeks and he works six days a week. He always says we go to bed to late and he has to work too early. I feel like I am begging for attention and affection. All I want is to be with him and instead of actually caring about how I feel he laid in bed while I went upstairs. So here I am crying because I am hurt and I don't know what to do.

We have this rule about sleeping on the couch. If things are bad enough that its an option you might as well pack your things. I never thought I would be hurt enough to find myself here.
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:57 AM
Replies (41-47):
mem82
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 2:23 PM

*hugs*

I'm sorry.

Mrs.Campfield
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 3:53 PM
2 moms liked this
He stopped at home and dropped off my debit card so we talked a little. He misplaced his wallet yesterday so he used mine. Anyway. He did apologize. The conversation is too much to put in a mobile post but hopefully it will get better.

Quoting MeggieLee22:


Quoting MissConrad:

Don't worry too much sweety. Our hormones can drive us to depression so easily right now. Maybe if you could talk to him about how he feels about the pregnancy, and having sex with you. Does it scare him to hurt you or the baby? Are you two having other problems in the relationship right now? Has he been like this since you became pregnant or just recently? There is always a fix to every problem. Try and relax and breathe. Maybe he feels pressure from work right now. Men have a strange way of going into "caves" when things bother them. Try giving him more compliments during the day, and telling him how much you appreciate him. We express ourselves openly while men bottle up. Just keep your head up, and remember to give compliments to make him feel good. When you feel you two can talk without arguing, have a discussion with him on how you feel and how he feels in a calm way. Guys don't do well to yelling. I wish you luck momma! :)

This my husband always used to do the same thing, he would 'shut down' and not tell me what the real problem was.  I took it as a personal insult and said well fine, I'll ignore him see how he likes it.
It got really bad before we learned to communicate with each other.

He may not want to talk about whatever is bugging him but you need to try to explain that you want to help him and be close to him.  Telling him that his actions are hurting you will probably just cause him to be defensive, try to direct it more towards what is upsetting him and how you can help.  If you can work through whatever the deeper issue is, the intimacy should follow.

Even if you can't get him to talk right away, maybe try changing your approach with how you come on to him?  Someone else said something about getting a toy and just starting on yourself, that might get him interested.  I've found that going down on DH always gets me results.  (Trying really hard to find a way to say that without sounding crass lol)  See if you get different results on his day off when he's not so tired.

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Babbymyself
by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:39 AM

ya need nto go on that new show were you have sex for 7 days lol

Mrs.Andrews
by Mandy on May. 1, 2012 at 2:30 AM

First of all, I think that's a silly rule. That's a really good way to get yourselves doubting your marriage. Sometimes you need a little space to feel your emotions and settle down. In our 5 years of marriage, my husband has only slept on the couch once. But there have been many times when one of us almost did. After a little space, the other one of us came and got the person from the couch. We talked it over and made up. 

Go to him! Tell him you are hurt, tell him exactly how you are feeling. Tell him that you need him. Ask him to tell you EXACTLY what is going on. Give him time to answer, he may not know exactly how he's feeling or why he's acting the way he is. 

Be prepared for a lot of hurt in your marriage, but be prepared to forgive and to communicate to work through the hurt. 

merryvoice
by on May. 1, 2012 at 7:41 AM

I had a hard time with the sex thing, too but it didn't get that bad. I'm so sorry you're going through this. My only advice is to communicate and if you need to, go to therapy on your own for support and take what you learned to your husband. 

MeggieLee22
by on May. 1, 2012 at 8:58 AM


I'm glad you guys got a dialogue started.  It might take a little while, but hopefully if you can keep being open with each other the rest will come naturally. 

*hugs*  I hope you're feeling better.  I know how crappy it can feel, I've spent many nights like that!

Quoting Mrs.Campfield:

He stopped at home and dropped off my debit card so we talked a little. He misplaced his wallet yesterday so he used mine. Anyway. He did apologize. The conversation is too much to put in a mobile post but hopefully it will get better.



MommyIsMyName90
by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:14 PM
((BIG HUGS))
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