How to tell your mother...

BUMP!

I totally understand where you are coming from. My MIL is that way. She was there for my first and never again. She did the same thing to my BIL and SIL and she ended up getting kicked out of their house. She made things so much harder on everyone. I would just be blunt and tell her that you want that precious time to yourselves. Its not selfish.

No bashing here mama! I am ooooooon the saaaaame boat. My family came to visit after my son was born and I never had alone time. In fact they expected me to be their hostes.. They even went out to chilis, without me, and didnt bring back anything, they walked in on DH in just his boxers and me breastfeeding...it was awful. Just tell her kindly that you will call her after the baby comes and arrange a flight then. If she gets all defensive just try to remind her that you and your husband want some alone time with the baby and to adjust privately to the newborn's needs. My mom went into flight mode when I gave her my due date with this one. I reminded her that new moms, experienced or not, need some private time. I reminded her how chaotic and stressful things were when my first was born. I never had that private bonding time unless they werent in the house. She remembered when she had me and my sister and understood where I was coming from. She was hurt but oh well.

I have the same kind of issue with my sister- except I am the one that gets on her nerves, when she has babies! : ) After her first, we talked about it and decided that she had plenty of support and that it would be much, much better if I waited a couple of months to come out. It wasn't bad. She was just straightforward with me and let me know that she would rather see me once the babies are more interesting and a bit older. I was fine with it. I know, I am a bit much to handle- especially when she is so hormonal and not feeling well because of c-sections. 

Quoting Duquesne:

Inform that you intend to refuse house guests for the first week (or whichever period of time you select)

 Just ask her to wait to come and visit until a few weeks after baby is born. I think being honest with her will be best. Good luck!

Tell her exactly that.

Mom, I think that after the baby is born we're just going to spend a few weeks bonding just the four of us. 

I think you're being perfectly reasonable. It's hard having a visitor (even if they're there to help) when you've that much going on. I'd just tell her honestly something to the affect of, "Thanks for offering to come down and help, mom. We appreciate it big-time, but since this is the second time around, and I know what to expect and all, I think we'll be able to handle it on our own." And on top of that, make sure you call her often and ask her advise on things, even if you don't need it. She's your mom, and she knows that you're going through a big change, so it's important for her to feel used when she believes her "baby" needs help. :)