My mom wants me to abort if my dd has Cystic Fibrosis
So I am about 22 weeks pregnant and I cary the CF gene, my mom's cousin died from the condition at an early age on a 10 minute car drive. They spotted a bright spot in dd bowels on my last ultra sound and that is common in children with CF but is not a diagnosis. Well SO is getting his genes run to be safe but my mom wants me to do an anmnio and find out "before it's too late" bc I don't know/understand how horrible it was to watch some one suffer with CF and there is no cure, bc I will spend all my money and time on a child who won't live as long or as well as she should and my two other daughters will resent me. I get while people make these choices and my mom actually had an abortion after she had my sister and I bc she thought my dad was dying (he had Hep B really badly and was told that he would not survive.) I understand that it was the right choice for her and maybe it's the right choice for a lot of other people but not for me. It's breaking my heard dd might be fine but I feel really bad about this. Mom says if it's too late to abort her I should give her up to spare the other girls (not that she thinks anyone would want her.) I can't, I just can't, okay? She's so offended and worried I can't even stand it. I don't even want to do an amnio bc it wouldn't change anything but it might her her. She has a name for the love of God! Sorry if I got a little ranty.
*Thank all of you who have shared your personal stories, I can't believe how quickly people who have known others with CF have been to share. No matter what I just want my children to have fulfilling lives. To people who think my mom is cruel, she's a very hard woman and her back story is kind of crazy. I've actually heard my grandmother tell her she was a mistake and she never wanted her. She was actually resented by her brothers and she is physically and mentally "normal." I know that everyone has a back story but I try to be forgiving.
Quoting silka08:
Your child, your choice. Period.
Can you live with the what ifs? Id rather have 15yrs with a child than 0 no matter how difficult.
On some level your mom may be seeking justification for her decision to abort years ago.
One of my long time friends died last year from CF. it was SO hard watching her fade away :(
BUT she had a VERY fulfilling life! During middle school and high school she had everything under control and she lived it up! She played sports with me, she cheered with me, she went to prom & had boyfriends. She even got married.
Your baby isn't going to be a vegetable. She is still going to have a life, and if she does have cf. you will make everyday worth living for her!
Do not listen to your mother.
Infact, tell her "I understand and respect your opinion but it's not your. Choice, enough!"
I hope for both our sakes that we're worried for nothing. I do understand why woman choose differently and part of me wonders if I'm doing the right thing by avoiding my own guilt and pain only to experience it later. I don't think you can ever be 100% confident that you made the right decision just the best one for you. I've looked it up and they really have come a long way with CF, it seems like such a waste to not give her what ever time she will have if its 20 years or 90, although most ppl live into their 40s. Then again, who wants to know they are living on borrowed time?
Quoting my4loves4:I had to read this because I am also a carrier for the gene, I go in next month to do the consuling and ultra sound for it all, It is a very scary thing! I have spent many nights laying awake wondering what i would do if the test came back positive. If I were to abort, I'd never forgive myself. But i also know that if i had to WATCH my child die I dont know if I would be strong enough to handle it. It is the hardest desicion a mother has to make, I Respect you so much for being strong enough to keep the baby regardless, and your other children may not understand now that they are young, but when they get older and have children of their own they will understand you did what was best.
Quoting Duquesne:
CF treatments have come a very very very long way in just a few years. It's not an early death sentence anymore. There are CF patients who grow up and do freaking amazing things---like marathons and other things that people wouldn't dream they'd be doing a decade ago.
I'm sorry she's being so negative. :/ hang in there.
So my mom brought it up again last night and I told her that we didn't know anything for sure and that there was no point in arguing this, that my daughters name is Isla and that I couldn't even kick a dog I've named out of the house let alone a baby. Apparently, she can't see how far out of character it would be for me to do something like that. She said I wasn't thinking and that I needed to prepare for the worst bc if I don't it will come anyway and I'll just get "knocked down" then she just glared at me on and off for the rest of the night. I don't think this is going to be over untill the results are back. She calls me almost every day to find out if I've heard anything.
So sick and nausea right now....my cousin and best friend are in Moore Oklahoma and no one can get a hold of them...
- Maevelyn
on May. 7, 2012 at 6:50 PM