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Do I let the baby's father be there for the delivery?

Posted by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:06 PM
  • 260 Replies
1 mom liked this
So the father of this baby is a lying cheating abusive ass. I could very well have my son without ever telling him I am in labor and he miss the whole thing. I think he does love this baby and may have loved me at one time but he has treated my like crap these last few months. He has not bought the baby anything. And he has told me several times that he wants out if the town we live in and he is never coming back. So I need to know if you think I should even bother telling him Im in labor? I know that if I don't tell him its not something I can take back. Once he misses it that's it there's no do over.

Update- so many have asked about abuse and yes he was physically abusive toward me. I do not trust this man and do not believe anything he says. I do not hate him and am not trying to be vindictive if I choose not to tell him. Its just something Im torn on because we planned for this child and did love each other very much. But with the things that he has done it shows that he doesn't respect me or care about anything other than himself.
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by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JesusJunkie
by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:07 PM
3 moms liked this
Tell him or u will regret it
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pacificamom
by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:08 PM
21 moms liked this

do you think he'll be added stress? Labor primarily is yours and you need support, not drama.

heather4511
by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this
My ex was like that..thankfully he is in jail right now so I don't have to worry about him being there. But I'm guessing he won't make the delivery any easier for you, and you definitely do not need that. If you are ok with him visiting at the hospital, tell him then.
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aprilrose4
by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:24 PM
1 mom liked this
He would be a ton of stress especially when he finds out the baby will have my last name. But if he isn't there then I have no one else to help me thru the delivery. Its a catch 22 it seems, idk
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Starr0617
by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:36 PM
4 moms liked this

It is your choice, you are the mother...WITH THAT SAID, the father of my child (I'm 36weeks along) has a daugher with another girl..she will be 3 in June. When he and the ex (I hate this girl mind you lol) were together it was a VERY un healthy relationship with the two of them and I know there was some level of abuse involved (never phsyical) because they were NOT a good match AT ALL. It does not make what he did right, or acceptable. However when she went into labor she did not call him, at all. In fact he found out that she had their baby 2 days after the fact! Now this is long and complicated mess lol BUT since then she has yet to let him come around or see his daughter because he HAD a drinking problem and even though he has since gotten help she refuses to let him around. I watched everything first hand from a friend postion to both of them. and now me and him are together and expecting. He was not a good guy to her, and I will never try to defend what he did HOWEVER he is fucked up in the head because of what she did by not telling him anything. He loves that little girl more than I have ever seen, and she just pushes him out. It is 100% your choice but from first hand experince with a b/f that went through it...it is really messed him up bad!! Good luck with what happens, and be carefull as well. Let us know what happens :) If you ever want to chat too about it you can message me

mem82
by Ruby Member on May. 23, 2012 at 8:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Eh, never make a decision like this in anger. You sound angry. How is he abusive? If you are both yelling at each, and he is saying mean things, that is necessarily cause to keep him away.

Mrs.Pedro
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2012 at 8:46 AM
10 moms liked this
There's no way in hell I would have an abusive man at my bedside during labor... Especially if I knew he was going to be angry at me for not using his last name. Even the best of men if not supportive and positive and helpful can ruin a delivery(unintentionally). You would just add stress having him there from the sounds of it. If I were in your shoes I'd tell him once the baby and yourself were discharged and allow him to visit then if he wants.
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nickigoingon8
by on May. 23, 2012 at 8:52 AM
4 moms liked this

I think since he is abusive, I would not even bother telling him. It doesn't sound like someone you would want around your baby. That is just my opinion. Unless you think he has changed, I wouldn't even bother with him........

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kjbennett26
by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:53 AM
1 mom liked this

I wouldnt tell him and do it alone

Luvmybooskies
by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:56 AM
14 moms liked this

This is your choice. Being in the delivery room with you is an honor, not a right! I don't care if he's the father. He doesn't get a free "enter" pass because of that! You deserve to have a loving, supportive, and caring person in there with you. It's not like you are mad at him and doing this for revenge, that would be wrong. If he's honestly the way you described, then he doesn't deserve to be in there with you. 

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