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Do I let the baby's father be there for the delivery?

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So the father of this baby is a lying cheating abusive ass. I could very well have my son without ever telling him I am in labor and he miss the whole thing. I think he does love this baby and may have loved me at one time but he has treated my like crap these last few months. He has not bought the baby anything. And he has told me several times that he wants out if the town we live in and he is never coming back. So I need to know if you think I should even bother telling him Im in labor? I know that if I don't tell him its not something I can take back. Once he misses it that's it there's no do over.

Update- so many have asked about abuse and yes he was physically abusive toward me. I do not trust this man and do not believe anything he says. I do not hate him and am not trying to be vindictive if I choose not to tell him. Its just something Im torn on because we planned for this child and did love each other very much. But with the things that he has done it shows that he doesn't respect me or care about anything other than himself.
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by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:06 PM
Replies (211-220):
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:25 PM

Having him there while you are in labor and are trying to start breastfeeding will not make things easier.  Even if you tell him when you're in labor, he does not automatically have the right to be in the delivery room.  But you do have to tell him when you have the baby.  He is the father, he has the right to know. 

by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:40 PM

I wouldn't let him know SH!T

by Member on May. 23, 2012 at 10:46 PM

I wouldnt tell him, plus, he will be there to sign the birth certificate, and then if this behavior continues, you have a whole custody case in your hands where he can take your son (if he ever visits him, its NOT kidnapping if he is on the BC) and keep him away from you legally without court ordered custody papers issued by a judge. Its your sons bday, do what you think is best for him! and if he isnt being supportive and happy and taking responsibility for him, why she he be awarded the benifits of those things without having to do them?? Just my opinion but do whats best for you! 

by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:56 PM

I see & understand both sides points of view on this.  My own opinion, I would let him know I was in labor, but didn't want him there.  He could visit the child while I was still in the hospital & there was a nurse to supervise.  I would not let him have unsupervised time with the baby due to the physical abuse.  If he doesn't agree with that, court time & they will make him do supervised visitation if there was a documented history of physical abuse.  I would want to take any chances with my baby's safety.

by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:08 PM
If your not with him and you would feel more comfortable without him their then don't tell him. Have your mom come or someone else who is supportive.
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:40 PM
If it is going to add stress to have him there then I say no you should not tell him. The fact that he was physically abusive would really make me not want him there and I probably wouldn't tell him. You are the one that needs to be as comfortable as possible during labor. It's not like you'rejust bad at him over something stupid, he was abusive. Yeah, I vote not to tell him.
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by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:52 PM
Don't tell him... I was in the same situation. I didn't tell my sons father... And he still hasn't made an effort, my son is about to start kindergarten.... He saw him once when he was 3 days old. If he hasn't made an effort to help through the pregnancy... He most likely won't.. Just speaking from exp.
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by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:55 PM
LOL, you can try what I did in the same situation. I had a 45 minute labor and had Nick in the back of the ambulance. Seriously though, when I was pregnant, I told him that if he ever laid a hand on me in front of my son, that was it, he would never see me again, and I'd do all I could to make sure he never saw Nick again. Yeah, it took until he was three months old, but then I kept my word and tossed him out on his ass.

He won't change,they just can't, you know that as well as I do. My advice is to cut ties now.
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:59 PM
2 moms liked this

First off, I would ask him if he wants to be there. If he says yes, make it clear to him that he has to act right. I will say, even if he wants to be there & shows up, doesn't mean you have to allow him in the room with you during labor & delivery. Don't feel like you owe that part to him. Being there is one thing, but being all up in the delivery room is a total other thing. You need to worry about yourself & the baby - priority #1. If you are ok with him being there, then so be it, just make sure you have someone to support you in there with you too. After the baby is born, then he can come in there & cut the cord (again, if you agree to it) & then leave til everything gets finished & then once you are done with delivery & once you have had a quiet bonding period with the baby & tried to breastfeed (if that's what you want to do), then you can let him in to hold the baby. If he starts acting like an ass then ask him to leave, if he won't, hospitals have security. If you are scared in any way, you may want to tell the nurse that you are the only one that can vouch for the baby. I may be overreacting on your behalf, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Good luck & Congratulations mommy!

by on May. 24, 2012 at 12:11 AM
1 mom liked this

I live in Portland Oregon. If you should happen to live in my area, I would be happy to meet you and be your labor coach. I have done this before. I am a grandmother, and without going into details, this situation is real close to home with me.

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