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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Do I let the baby's father be there for the delivery?

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So the father of this baby is a lying cheating abusive ass. I could very well have my son without ever telling him I am in labor and he miss the whole thing. I think he does love this baby and may have loved me at one time but he has treated my like crap these last few months. He has not bought the baby anything. And he has told me several times that he wants out if the town we live in and he is never coming back. So I need to know if you think I should even bother telling him Im in labor? I know that if I don't tell him its not something I can take back. Once he misses it that's it there's no do over.

Update- so many have asked about abuse and yes he was physically abusive toward me. I do not trust this man and do not believe anything he says. I do not hate him and am not trying to be vindictive if I choose not to tell him. Its just something Im torn on because we planned for this child and did love each other very much. But with the things that he has done it shows that he doesn't respect me or care about anything other than himself.
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by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:06 PM
Replies (41-50):
Candace8609
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:42 AM
1 mom liked this
my ex was the same way so i refused to let him in. hes says thats the reason why he dont have a strong bond w ds. i do regret it bc i cant take it back and give him that bonding experience :(
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Mrs.Salz
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:44 AM
2 moms liked this

IMO an unsupportive person, regardless of their relationship with baby or mom, should not be present for labor or delivery.  The hormones that control labor are strongly tied to feelings of stress or safety... feeling unsafe or stressed can literally stop labor and prevent your cervix from dilating. When you feel safe, labor is able to progress.

It doesn't sound like he is going to be good labor support if he is there, so I recommend hiring a doula (they are wonderful labor support regardless of what your birth plan is) and informing him of the birth afterward.

kaym228
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:44 AM

f** him, if he wants to leave let him and don't telll him a damn thing. He dont desirve you being nice to him when he wasn't being that to you. so have your son with out him he will be the only one kicking his own ass for not being there for you or being nice to you .

melindabelcher
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2012 at 10:54 AM

I absolutely wouldn't tell him! During labor no negative people are allowed in the room for me. I need to be focused on the labor not other people. And if he's abusive why would you want him involved in your childs life?

Unless he got anger management or some kind of help for his problems that would no longer make him a threat to you and or your child he shouldn't be allowed to be around period.

IndigoRose
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:56 AM


Quoting pacificamom:

do you think he'll be added stress? Labor primarily is yours and you need support, not drama.

She's SO right !!!...

MommyIsMyName90
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:57 AM
Completely your choice.

I think if it were just because *I* didn't like the father then it wouldn't really be fair for me to not allow him to be there. But you said he's abusive..so that's reason enough.
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Melanie420
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:57 AM

he dont deserve shit, dont tell him he will just make labor miserable for you

 

Melanie420
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:59 AM

that has nothing to do with bonding with your child

Quoting Candace8609:

my ex was the same way so i refused to let him in. hes says thats the reason why he dont have a strong bond w ds. i do regret it bc i cant take it back and give him that bonding experience :(


JAIRATRACI
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this
I was going to say something like this. Tellin him you are in labor does not equal him being in the room when the baby is born.

Quoting Lizzys_mommy13:

I'd tell him when you go into labor, but I wouldn't welcome him into the room during labor. He can wait in the waiting room like everyone else.

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Snapdragon88
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

You should tell him, but you don't have to let him into the delivery room. He can wait outside. He sounds like an ass.... but unless you think he's going to be abusive to the baby then it would be wrong to keep him away. Lots of men are assholes but turn out to be great fathers, and I think your baby deserves to have a dad if at all possible. 

Now if all he does is cause trouble after giving him a chance... then drop him. 

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