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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Dilemma - please, someone, help

Posted by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:07 PM
  • 13 Replies

About 2 weeks ago, my fiancee broke into my parents home and stole a bunch of money and pills and collectables.  He had had an addiction to pills a few years back and went through treatment.  Apparently, someone at work had him try that potporri stuff they have out now that the effects resemble marijuanna and he had been doing that.  I hadn't noticed any signs, he has been working alot, as he is a manager of a resteraunt, plus, being 6 months pregnant and having 3 kids already, I've been a lot preoccupied.  Anyways, my parents made a payment deal with him and he was to write out a full confession, so that if he didn't follow through or was caught with the stuff again, he would be turned over to authorities.  I was basically asked to stay with him to make sure payments were made and they were fully reimbursed.  So he has been here, and it is killing me to play good, caring girlfriend when my world is falling apart.  Whats worse is that I was terminated from my employer due to my pregnancy, so we are relying on him for income right now.  He is still coming home stoned, I keep finding hiding spots, and he keeps crying that he loves me and doesn't know why he can't quit.  If I leave, my kids and I are destitute until one of the jobs that I have applied for and keep applying for comes through and my baby is born without a father.  If I stay, I keep being deceived and lied to over and over and over.  I don't even know how to process all of this.  I made him sign up for substance abuse treatment, but he is on a waiting list.  I don't know what to do, I am lost, and afraid that all of this stress will hurt my baby.

by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
eykelley
by Liz on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:22 PM
Here's how I will put this: would u rather have the baby w/o a father there, or do u want that kid raised with a man like that?
My step dad did drugs. It got so bad he started pawning off our toys and video games, movies, everything! He stole money from me and would dissappear for days w/o telling us and just take the only car we had. My mother did nothing! She just let it happen. I hate her for it. I was a teenager and it killed me. Becuz my mom chose to do nothing she and I have no relationship. I hate my stepdad and neither of my parents are allowed near my kids.
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Larsbug
by Laura on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:26 PM

if I were you I would rather the baby grow up without a father... my DH is an alcoholic, luckily he is 7 years sober but I have already told him that if he starts again I will leave...and he knows I will do it. The last thing he wants is me gone and especially his boys taken from him.

Caseri
by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:37 PM
This is a tough situation! I agree with the last post. However, you need an income to survive so I can see how you are torn! I'd see if there is someone who can help you! What about his family/friends? An intervention?
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PEEK05
by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:40 PM

I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay with him unless he went through a rehab program.

KBKussman
by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:42 PM

His family and friends are so sick of how he was when he was addicted before, they won't help with anything.  His mom died of an overdose and they push him away so that they don't have to deal with it if he does too.  They will blame me for staying so long.  My mom refuses to help me because she is afraid he will take the money she helps with, without me knowing until it is too late.  As I clicked post on my original reply, he walked in stoned and told him we need to talk.  He couldn't care less.  I need to walk away.  Thank you for the advice.  I needed voices of reason.  

KBKussman
by on Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:43 PM

He is signed up for substance abuse treatment, but they are saying 4-6 weeks until he can get in.  He went through the treatment once before and we are back where he started.

Marimaru
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:26 AM


Quoting KBKussman:

He is signed up for substance abuse treatment, but they are saying 4-6 weeks until he can get in.  He went through the treatment once before and we are back where he started.


Then he needs to find somewhere else to sign up with, and keep looking for places until they can take him.

I think it's pretty messed up that your parents asked you to stay with him just so they could get the money back for the stuff he stole.  They should have just invited you to come home and reported his ass to the police. 

Good luck to you.

Marimaru


Mommy of Isabelle Rose, born 10/11/2009
New baby girl due 07/26/2012

halinichols
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:33 AM
I have no advice on how, but you've got to leave. Your kids, you, and the unborn baby deserve a lot better, even if it's not even having a man, and being single so you can fully focus on what's IMPORTANT here. You all need better, don't wait until its too late and something bad bad bad happens.
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ilovemypfcbryan
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:40 AM

First step was admitting theres a problem, even on your part, youre aware something isnt right and are questioning whether or not to stay. ultimately nobody but you can make that choice. But i will say children who grow up with addicts have more of a chance/risk of being an addict themselves. Once an addict, to a certain degree you will always have some sort of memory or craving of the drug, and need support of some sort. I hope you can figure out what YOU need to do for you and your family, and remember if you do leave there are programs that can help you to get back on your feet also!

amiesmomma
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 12:45 AM
1 mom liked this

A few things:

your parents should put your and your children's well-being and safety above the monetary value of the stolen items.  Ask them for help, ask if you and the kids can stay there until you get back on your feet. 

I grew up with a drug addicted mother.  She stole, job hopped, bed hopped, pawned our things, etc.  I have minimal contact with her now and last year at 28 got the nerve to confront my dad about forcing us to live with her.

You cannot fox him.  You cannot make him get better.  Get away and if he gets better in your absence, then think about reconciliation.

Apply for services to feed and care for your kids in the meantime.  Trust me, gov't assistance is much better than relying on someone in the throes of drug addiction for support.

Again, you cannot fix him.  Trying will only hurt you and your children


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