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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Test results and reactions by medical profession :(

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A little bit of basic information... I am due to have baby number 5 in december and the pregnancy was a complete suprise and unplanned... I am 42 so am immediatly classed as 'high risk' anyway because of my age alone...

I had a hospital appointment on Tuesday, and the Midwife left me feeling guilty, upset, scared and very angry... I have a 1 in 11 chance of having a child with Down syndrome because the blood test came back positive.. The ultrasound was excellent and the fluid behind the neck was the right amount, so there is no definant diagnoses at the moment...

I was treated as if there has been a diagnosis and was told by the Midwife, to have an amniosentisies, and to terminate... She didnt even say 'if the amnio results come back for DS to terminate'...That i have 4 healthy children already and that given that i am 42, what happens when i am no longer here... She never asked me what i had planned to do, or what my thoughts were, she told me what i should do... Nor did she ask me what my hubby wanted me to do, or his thoughts either...

Hubby and i have decided that we are not going to have a amnio because of the risks, and that we will love our baby regardless... That we are leaving this in Gods hands and will work together and face whatever comes our way...

Medical professionals need to be more aware of how they approach telling a mother they are 'high risk' and give some hope, rather than making a desicion for them based on a blood test result,  even before there is an exact diagnosis...

 

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 1:14 AM
Replies (491-500):
anamo79
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Sweetie you are so wise and faithful when you said you are placing it in God's hands. That is all you can do. Take what you are blessed with. I would consult with that doctors office (not file a complaint) and explain to them how insensitive the whole situation was handled. Sometimes people don't even know they have done or said anything wrong unless you bring it to their attention. I will be praying for you and your family and I just know this will be a very healthy baby!
jesselswick
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:27 PM

Blood tests are unreliable.. Why anyone would say they are the final word is beyond me. If your u/s was good I see no reason for an amnio and the amnio isn't going to change anything regardless.

   It was just plain rude and inappropriate and I think she needs to be reported.

jak3739
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

That is so awful but seems to be typical of how "special needs" babies are thought of now.  No matter how many children you have healthy or not, that is still your baby and you have every right to love and want it.  I lost a baby who had Turner's syndrome and so many people just said, "Well you have 2 healthy kids, what's the problem."  What is so hard is I would have taken that little girl and loved her no matter what was wrong with her, but I know had she been diagnosed in utero, I would have been advised to terminate.  I will be praying for you.

As a society we are so "tolerance" sensitive, yet we have no tolerance for anyone who isn't "perfect."  So sad.

Larsbug
by Laura on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:30 PM
1 mom liked this

I would switch to someone new and tell her where to shove it

thedathree
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Doctors usually give worst case scenario. My son is 11 with multiple special needs and I can't imagine my life without him. I was 16 when I had him and that obgyn said I could have a vaginal birth at 24 weeks when mmy water broke instead of a c section and he wouldn't live through the trauma and I could go on to have children naturally later in life. I opted for a c section. I had a healthy daughter a couple years later. They are now 11 and 9 and I am pregnant. My obgyn at the begining of my pregnancy suggested an abortion bc I am already with 2 kids alone and dad is in prison and its "going to be hard" since my son has so many needs. I switched doctors right away. Every child has its own unique set of obstacles in life at some point. Yours has 4 loving siblings already! You might have therapy, ieps or surgeries but you might not. Nice to see how she really feels sooner rather than later. Very rude and unprofessional! U will do great without her!
seahorsebaby11
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:31 PM
1 mom liked this

When things like this are against the odds then there is a reason for this little soul to join your life and the message is NOT to stop it but to embrace it!ghh The responses tell me that they are in a time-warp, where there are many babies born now to mothers even older than you are. The 'what will he do when you're gone" question is so old-fashioned.

Didn't Whitney Houston die when she was 48. And what about that family that died in the tornado, leaving  ONE baby lost in the field (who also eventually passed away but that's not the point) and the parents I think were around 21.

What about the parents that are young and pass away on military duty and never met the offspring?

Anyway, one can't make a decision on the WAY future and best do what is right in the moment and keep the faith. Yes, surely mostly everyone has a story about their pregnancy and the drama about birth. The beauty is that there are siblings and likely other family members, if there was an emergency. However, 42 isn't that old now that medicine and healthy lifestyles are much more advanced.

Those who have pessimistic attitudes about this whole thing are reflecting their own personal fears and limitations on you. THAT'S why THEY didn't get the baby. They are unable to stretch in body, mind and spirit.

Enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and good luck!

WilmetteMom
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:32 PM
2 moms liked this
In case you are reading all replies...I had my second child at age 48 naturally and intentionally. My first midwife was similar to yours though not so judgmental, just ageist. Without going into my story, my advice is get a better midwife! This one has no business working with pregnant women! My son , despite the 'odds', is normal and healthy. And i did not have an amnio either. Good luck!
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anitaaw
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:34 PM
There are MEDwives and MIDwives. Generally speaking MEDs are more clinical, some are really great, compassionate, knowledgeable but most seem to have adopted the "I know what's best for you" attitude. MID tend to be more nuturing but no less knowledgeable most of the time more so. Yes 70% of Downs babies are born to young mothers. Life, love and circumstances change between 14, 25 to 42 and beyond. Making your life choices based on statistics and ego doesn't bode well. Most of what we know are educated guesses. Change your midwife but be sure to let her know exactly why you are terminating her seevices. Aside from her lack of compassion, she was obviously uneducated about the results of the test since she was pushing information at you as if it was Fact. I do find it harder to believe it was a midwife vs a Medwife. But you can find opinionated jerks in all walks of life. Nurse midwives can be a wonderful option but they tend to put you in high risk merely by age which doesn't doesn't mean much considering that "older" moms tend to take better care of themselves. Exceptions to both sides of course. Many good thoughts & blessings to you in this beautiful pregnancy. Get prenatal massages to help with stress and body changes. Enjoy this time growing your little one :-)
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craftin_momma3
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:35 PM

OMG.....I would not have handled that nicely.  Please do not return to see this ungodly person.

amazzonia
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 10:35 PM

please change practice! for your own sake! My sister in law was 27 when her baby was born with down syndrome, I know age is a big factor but is not the only one! as you said, God will give you the child that fits you better at this moment, and if its going to be a down child than there is nothing wrong with that. I always thought I wold terminate until my niece was born, than I realized that they are children just like any other, they might take longer to learn but that's it. This world is so preoccupied to have perfect people not realizing that no one is perfect, we don't live in a perfect world and imperfections are all around us, and is not in any one's power (or it shouldn't be) to decide who is good enough to live a life

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