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Taking Care of Your Partner and Your New Baby

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 9:00 AM
  • 55 Replies

If you are approaching the end of your second trimester your baby book or the website you’re using to track your fetal development has probably suggested you take a weekend getaway with your partner.  Newsflash - a weekend at a bed and breakfast will not tide you over for the next year.  Instead of spending a weekend reconnecting over non-alcoholic champagne and tea sandwiches I suggest you spend some time figuring out how you and your partner can stay connected in small ways every day.   

Are you fitness minded?  Perhaps you can start walking after dinner.  Many babies take a short nap in the early evening when they are young.  A walk through your neighborhood can give you the twenty minutes every day you need to chat with your partner without a baby in your arms.  

My husband is not a TV guy.  But I am.  When our daughter was tiny he would come and sit down on the couch sometimes and ask me “Whatcha watchin’?” I knew he didn’t really want to watch The Real Housewives of anywhere but he’d gladly suffer through some Talk Soup to share a laugh with me.  

Date night hasn't looked like this picture in a long time.  When you don’t have a small baby around you can spend a little time to get it right.  You can wine and dine and romance one another until you both have a smile on your face.  When time and sleep is at a premium you need to get right down to it.  This time before my daughter was born we had some straightforward conversations first.  We planned to co-sleep so we established a plan for if my husband didn’t get enough sleep with the baby in our bed.  We talked about what we need from one another to feel connected.  How often do we need to have sex to not feel like roommates and how are we going to try and make that happen?  

It’s not complicated stuff but it’s important.  I make his coffee and pack his lunch in the morning while he stays in bed with the baby.  It gives me a chance to do something for him before I spend the rest of the day taking care of our kids.  When he gets home from work he kisses me first.  Not the kids, not the dog.  It’s a nice reminder that before he loved them he loved me.  I am still his girl.  Every single time I emerge from our bedroom having showered he says “You look nice.”

Every relationship is different.  What makes my marital toes curl might not do it for you.  Spend a few weeks before your baby arrives thinking of ways to take care of your partner. And practice voicing your needs out loud.  With any luck your babymoon might have more in common with your honeymoon than you’d think!  

How will you take care of your relationship with your partner while you take care of your new baby?

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 9:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:11 AM

I am not going to be having a baby.

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:58 AM

Thankfully I didnt have to worry about taking care of my husband and the baby. My husband and I worked together to take care of the baby, and then we were great at taking care of each other through the transitions of having a new baby in the house. 

by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:10 AM

nothing changed for us.

by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:22 AM

Good article!

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:58 AM

That's a really good article.

As for my DH and I, we could have used some planning before the babies came so we could remember that it all started from us.  We rarely have any time alone together.

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:19 AM

It's all about balance.

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:32 AM

Worthwhile suggestions, thank you.  Looking back on it, I am not sure I did enough. At least not consciously. I tried to keep the house in order, meals on the table, laundry done,  ... greet him when he came in the door, well maybe I did do what was needed.

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:45 AM

I think communication is the key to a relationship no matter what stage it is in.  While we didn't talk to plan ahead of what we would do to stay connected before our babies came, we have always been good about communicating in general so if he needed more of something from me or I needed more of something from him we were easily able to voice it. 

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:54 AM

Rob and I do actively try to stay connected. We have four kids, ages 11 down to 1. They take a lot of time, energy, and emotion. If we didn't work at it, we'd probably sit in silence, emotionless, from the time they went to bed until the time we passed out, ourselves. LOL Some nights we do that, actually. We can't afford to go out often but we do make time to do 'date nights' at home. We'll stream a movie after the kids go to bed, and order something in. It's a nice way to remember that we are a couple, not just parents.

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 12:05 PM

We made sure that we didn't just put the baby down and go to bed, even if tired, we would stay awake to spend time together.

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