Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Pregnancy Pregnancy

The Symptoms of Postpartum Depression & Anxiety (in Plain Mama English)

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:14 PM
  • 20 Replies
3 moms liked this

The Symptoms of Postpartum Depression & Anxiety (in Plain Mama English)

What does it feel like to have postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety?  What are the symptoms?  How do you know when you have it?

We’re going to talk about the signs of postpartum depression and anxiety, but in “plain mama English,”  We won’t use words like hypomania or dysthymia or psychomotor agitation — the kind of terms you might see elsewhere.  We will use the words moms hear in their heads when they think about what the heck is happening to them. Words that make sense.

When you read the two lists below, one for postpartum depression and the one after it for postpartum anxiety and OCD, keep in mind a few very important things:

  1. You may not be experiencing all of the symptoms listed below or even most of them. Postpartum depression and anxiety are not “one-size-fits-all” illnesses.  Your experience may be focused on just a few of the symptoms and you may not have others at all.
  2. Many people have a feeling like the ones listed below every now and then, for a day or two. We all have bad days. Postpartum depression and anxiety are not just bad days.  Women with PPD or anxiety have symptoms like these most of the time, for a period of at least 2 weeks or longer, and these symptoms interfere with their ability to function on a daily basis.
  3. Postpartum depression and anxiety are sometimes “comorbid.”  This means you can have a bit of both, or all of both.  If you have symptoms on both lists, that’s not out of the ordinary.

Okay.  Here we go. You may have postpartum depression if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:

  • You feel overwhelmed.  Not like “hey, this new mom thing is hard.”  More like “I can’t do this and I’m never going to be able to do this.”  You feel like you just can’t handle being a mother.  In fact, you may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.
  • You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this.  You feel like your baby deserves better.  You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don’t feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would.  You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
  • You don’t feel bonded to your baby.  You’re not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. Not everyone with PPD feels this way, but many do.
  • You can’t understand why this is happening.  You are very confused and scared.
  • You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you.  You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
  • You feel nothing. Emptiness and numbness. You are just going through the motions.
  • You feel sadness to the depths of your soul. You can’t stop crying, even when there’s no real reason to be crying.
  • You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
  • You can’t bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
  • You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can you sleep at any other time. Or maybe you can fall asleep, but you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep no matter how tired you are.  Or maybe all you can do is sleep and you can’t seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done.  Whichever it is, your sleeping is completely screwed up and it’s not just because you have a newborn.
  • You can’t concentrate. You can’t focus. You can’t think of the words you want to say. You can’t remember what you were supposed to do. You can’t make a decision. You feel like you’re in a fog.
  • You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • Maybe you’re doing everything right. You are exercising. You are taking your vitamins. You have a healthy spirituality.  You do yoga. You’re thinking “Why can’t I just get over this?”  You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can’t.
  • You might be having thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind. Or you’ve thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.
  • You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy”.
  • You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
  • You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.

You may have postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:

  • Your thoughts are racing. You can’t quiet your mind. You can’t settle down. You can’t relax.
  • You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning bottles. Cleaning baby clothes. Cleaning the house. Doing work. Entertaining the baby. Checking on the baby.
  • You are worried. Really worried.  All. The. Time.  Am I doing this right?  Will my husband come home from his trip?  Will the baby wake up? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with my baby that I’m missing? No matter what anyone says to reassure you it doesn’t help.
  • You may be having disturbing thoughts.  Thoughts that you’ve never had before.  Scary thoughts that make you wonder whether you aren’t the person you thought you were.  They fly into your head unwanted and you know they aren’t right, that this isn’t the real you, but they terrify you and they won’t go away.  These thoughts may start with the words “What if …”
  • You are afraid to be alone with your baby because of scary thoughts or worries.  You are also afraid of things in your house that could potentially cause harm, like kitchen knives or stairs, and you avoid them like the plague.
  • You may feel the need to check things constantly. Did I lock the door?  Did I lock the car? Did I turn off the oven? Is the baby breathing?
  • You may be having physical symptoms like stomach cramps or headaches, shakiness or nausea.  You might even have panic attacks.
  • You feel like a captive animal, pacing back and forth in a cage. Restless.  On edge.
  • You can’t eat.  You have no appetite.
  • You’re having trouble sleeping.  You are so, so tired, but you can’t sleep.
  • You feel a sense of dread, like something terrible is going to happen.
  • You know something is wrong.  You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy”.
  • You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
  • You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you.  Or that your baby will be taken away.

Now that you’ve gone through these lists are you thinking “How the heck does this lady know me? Is there a hidden camera in here?”  Nope.  What this should tell you is that you are not alone and you are not a freak and you are not highly unusual.  If you are having these feelings and symptoms then it is possible you are experiencing common illnesses that 15 to 20% of new mothers have, and they are completely treatable.

We’re happy to be here to support you. Here are some of our resources for moms with postpartum depression and related illnesses:

Our list of postpartum depression treatment specialists and programs

Our list of postpartum depression support groups

Our description of the six stages of postpartum depression

 Other Things You Should Know

  • If you are pregnant and are having symptoms similar to those listed above, you should know that you aren’t unusual either.  You may have antenatal depression or anxiety, which are just as common but occur during the nine months of pregnancy.
  • If you are having the symptoms listed above, call your doctor.  There is no need to suffer alone. Don’t try to wait this out. Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are temporary and treatable with professional help.
  • One last but very important thing:  If you are having moments where it seems like you can see or hear things no one else does, if you are feeling paranoid as if others are out to get you, if you are feeling that you or your baby are somehow related to the devil or God in some way, or if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s important to reach out for help right now.  These symptoms require immediate attention as they could be signs of postpartum psychosis.  If you have these symptoms, your illness has the potential to take over and lead you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do.  In order to avoid that it is important to reach out for help right away so that trained professionals can help you get stabilized and healthy.
Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:14 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
lillucky8
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:15 PM
Great post!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
NowImAMom...
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:18 PM
This post may be what it takes to get me to call a doctor. I didn't even know postpartum anxiety was real, I thought it was only post partum depression... And I think I need help...
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:25 PM

Get help! I let myself suffer for months after my first was born. And when I experienced the same symptoms after my second baby was born, I got help much sooner and it was so much easier to treat. The sooner you call, the sooner you feel better. I'm here if you ever need to talk about this!

Quoting NowImAMom...:

This post may be what it takes to get me to call a doctor. I didn't even know postpartum anxiety was real, I thought it was only post partum depression... And I think I need help...


Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
NowImAMom...
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:31 PM
I just don't know how much of it is normal, because I'm in a shitty situation that deserves a lot of "what ifs." But the nightmares and sleep paralysis is really taking a toll. I love my son more than anything in the whole wide world, I need to protect him and make his life better. But I feel so helpless. My SO doesn't have a job, we don't even live together any more because of his mother... I just need some security that things are going to be ok, that's all...

Quoting Pandapanda:

Get help! I let myself suffer for months after my first was born. And when I experienced the same symptoms after my second baby was born, I got help much sooner and it was so much easier to treat. The sooner you call, the sooner you feel better. I'm here if you ever need to talk about this!

Quoting NowImAMom...:

This post may be what it takes to get me to call a doctor. I didn't even know postpartum anxiety was real, I thought it was only post partum depression... And I think I need help...


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:35 PM

I had PPD/PPA almost immidiately after the birth of my first child and I denied it for weeks and weeks. When my son was 6 weeks old, my husband cheated on me, after weeks of being hateful and ignoring me&baby. That sent it into overdrive- I just couldn't take it anymore and got the help and comfort I needed. Everything WILL be okay, but the first step to recovery and comfort is making that phone call. It's so hard to swallow your pride and let that wall down, but it has to be done. You CAN do this. You WILL make it. You won't be judged.


And in the end, it will all be worth it. 

Quoting NowImAMom...:

I just don't know how much of it is normal, because I'm in a shitty situation that deserves a lot of "what ifs." But the nightmares and sleep paralysis is really taking a toll. I love my son more than anything in the whole wide world, I need to protect him and make his life better. But I feel so helpless. My SO doesn't have a job, we don't even live together any more because of his mother... I just need some security that things are going to be ok, that's all...

Quoting Pandapanda:

Get help! I let myself suffer for months after my first was born. And when I experienced the same symptoms after my second baby was born, I got help much sooner and it was so much easier to treat. The sooner you call, the sooner you feel better. I'm here if you ever need to talk about this!

Quoting NowImAMom...:

This post may be what it takes to get me to call a doctor. I didn't even know postpartum anxiety was real, I thought it was only post partum depression... And I think I need help...



Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
vanillag394
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Very helpful post. I've been depressed my whole pregnancy, was put on medication and counseling. I'm trying very hard to not have this follow me after my little girl is here.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:37 PM

I'm veyr sorry. I experienced something like this with my second pregnancy, and while I was okay for a while, it did hit me around 6 weeks postpartum. Just make sure your loved ones know the signs ahead of time. 

Quoting vanillag394:

Very helpful post. I've been depressed my whole pregnancy, was put on medication and counseling. I'm trying very hard to not have this follow me after my little girl is here.


Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
vanillag394
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:45 PM
Thanks! The source of my depression was mainly caused by outside issues, being isolated, and an eating disorder. My husband reads cafe mom posts with me and is very helpful, so I'm glad for that.


Quoting Pandapanda:

I'm veyr sorry. I experienced something like this with my second pregnancy, and while I was okay for a while, it did hit me around 6 weeks postpartum. Just make sure your loved ones know the signs ahead of time. 

Quoting vanillag394:

Very helpful post. I've been depressed my whole pregnancy, was put on medication and counseling. I'm trying very hard to not have this follow me after my little girl is here.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:09 PM

bump

-KC-
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:48 PM
Sounds like I gotta make a call...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN