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Pregnancy Pregnancy

father is still married!!!

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So I am 31 weeks and father of the child and I have been arguing because he wants to be on the birth certificate but I do not want him to be until he has a divorce from his wife they have been split for awhile now and he has been living with me but her and him could not have children together so I am afraid he's going to try and take my child and run to her so to speak. I am divorced from my ex husband I mean if I was still married he would think the same thing but he thinks its all fine and dandy that he's still married I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of arguing
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by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:37 PM
Replies (11-20):
mommieof3_91
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:51 PM
I can give the baby my last name I know for sure but I'm not sure if he can legally be on it or not since he is still married


Quoting Oceana09:

Depending on what state you live in, you can put whatever last name you wish on the birth certificate. I'm choosing to put my maiden name down (I technically am still married. DH and I have been separated for 3 years and he rufuses to agree to anything on the stupid divorce papers) becuase his father hasn't wanted anything to do with him so WHY would I want to give him his last name?

Quoting mommieof3_91:

For one thing I'm not using my child as a pawn to get my way that was rude and very inconciderate. I was asking for advice not some rude way of calling me a b*tch





Quoting MIA0223:

He is the father, I don't see why he shouldn't be on the BC.


You chose to have a child with a married man.


This child is not a pawn, not a posession of yours. Not something to dangle over his head to get your way.


He is the father, lose the drama and add him on the BC!




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purvislets
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:53 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm sorry, but in a way you are. You won't allow him to be on the birth certificate because he hasn't divorced his wife even though he is the child's biological father. You are holding his parental rights over his head.

I totally agree that he should divorce his wife if he is living with you and in a relationship with you, but whether our not he does that does not change the fact that he is the father of your child. Unfortunately, you guys have gotten yourselves into quite the mess here.


Quoting mommieof3_91:

For one thing I'm not using my child as a pawn to get my way that was rude and very inconciderate. I was asking for advice not some rude way of calling me a b*tch




Quoting MIA0223:

He is the father, I don't see why he shouldn't be on the BC.


You chose to have a child with a married man.


This child is not a pawn, not a posession of yours. Not something to dangle over his head to get your way.


He is the father, lose the drama and add him on the BC!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mommieof3_91
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:54 PM
If I was using my child to get what I want then I guess I would want him to be on the BC right! Cause yes I do love him but I'm tired of being told I'm going to get the divorce for our child and seems to prove different and yet I'm the bad guy right? I'm such a selfish person for wanting my babys father to be in her life rather than have another family that I wouldn't want her to be around right?


Quoting MIA0223:

You got advice.

That's my honest advice.

You are using this innocent baby to get what you want.

He is the father isn't he? Why would you not put him as the father.

You knew he was married when you decided to make this baby. Now suddenly that's an issue?

He is the dad, you are wrong to exclude him. Him being married is no reason.




Quoting mommieof3_91:

For one thing I'm not using my child as a pawn to get my way that was rude and very inconciderate. I was asking for advice not some rude way of calling me a b*tch






Quoting MIA0223:

He is the father, I don't see why he shouldn't be on the BC.



You chose to have a child with a married man.



This child is not a pawn, not a posession of yours. Not something to dangle over his head to get your way.



He is the father, lose the drama and add him on the BC!



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Megan11587
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:55 PM
1 mom liked this

 He's the father. He deserves to be on the birth certificate.  I don't mean to sound rude, but you really should have thought about this before getting involved with a married man.  I understand your frustration, but he is the father...

Oceana09
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:55 PM

Not that I'm aware of. They told me I could leave the daddy part blank and later add it in if he decides to actually take an active roll. But if htat's the case then I figure he can pay for it, since he is the one being such an ass about it. Why should my baby have to suffer because he lied to alot of people and just wants to cover it up.


Quoting mommieof3_91:

I can give the baby my last name I know for sure but I'm not sure if he can legally be on it or not since he is still married


Quoting Oceana09:

Depending on what state you live in, you can put whatever last name you wish on the birth certificate. I'm choosing to put my maiden name down (I technically am still married. DH and I have been separated for 3 years and he rufuses to agree to anything on the stupid divorce papers) becuase his father hasn't wanted anything to do with him so WHY would I want to give him his last name?

Quoting mommieof3_91:

For one thing I'm not using my child as a pawn to get my way that was rude and very inconciderate. I was asking for advice not some rude way of calling me a b*tch





Quoting MIA0223:

He is the father, I don't see why he shouldn't be on the BC.


You chose to have a child with a married man.


This child is not a pawn, not a posession of yours. Not something to dangle over his head to get your way.


He is the father, lose the drama and add him on the BC!





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nikkifam5
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:55 PM
Same in our state. Whomever you are married too becomes legal father until proven in court otherwise. I would go to court and establish visitation as soon as possible once she is born

Quoting mommieof3_91:

I am in sc which I have been told is a huge mom state and if I would have been married then my legal husband would have to be on the BC I'm just scared as all get out




Quoting nikkifam5:

Well in my state, it doesn't matter if the father signs the BC, because he legally has no rights to the child if you are not married. Child support and custody/visitation are separate cases handled in court... so if that applies in your state, then he legally can be charged with kidnapping since there is no custody arrangment.. so he wouldn't be able to run off with your child. And just because he signs the BC doesn't mean you have to give baby his last name. If he wants to live with the embaressment of having a baby while still married then let him..

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Chellie13
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:57 PM

The problem is:  you need to kick him out.  Why is he living with you?  He can move in when you got the wedding band on your finger, IMO.

Good luck!

nikkifam5
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 2:01 PM
You can do whatever you want when it comes to the BC and not being married. And he is still able to sign it even though he is married..but, if you feel he is unsafe or his wife is unsafe and you have some kind of proof of that, you can request supervised visitation and he won't be aloud to bring the baby around his wife. Which I can't imagine her being to pleased anyway about the situation? So why if she is not wanting to be with him, hasn't she filed for the divorce?
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mommieof3_91
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 2:05 PM
Exactly he told me his divorce was already in order and now to find out it hasn't even been started yet and I'm in my last trimester he's told his family he don't think its his even and has pushed me down stairs I still have pictures of the marks to prove it


Quoting Oceana09:

Not that I'm aware of. They told me I could leave the daddy part blank and later add it in if he decides to actually take an active roll. But if htat's the case then I figure he can pay for it, since he is the one being such an ass about it. Why should my baby have to suffer because he lied to alot of people and just wants to cover it up.


Quoting mommieof3_91:

I can give the baby my last name I know for sure but I'm not sure if he can legally be on it or not since he is still married





Quoting Oceana09:

Depending on what state you live in, you can put whatever last name you wish on the birth certificate. I'm choosing to put my maiden name down (I technically am still married. DH and I have been separated for 3 years and he rufuses to agree to anything on the stupid divorce papers) becuase his father hasn't wanted anything to do with him so WHY would I want to give him his last name?

Quoting mommieof3_91:

For one thing I'm not using my child as a pawn to get my way that was rude and very inconciderate. I was asking for advice not some rude way of calling me a b*tch








Quoting MIA0223:

He is the father, I don't see why he shouldn't be on the BC.



You chose to have a child with a married man.



This child is not a pawn, not a posession of yours. Not something to dangle over his head to get your way.



He is the father, lose the drama and add him on the BC!








Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sparklebug86
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 2:07 PM

if you dont put him on the certificate, most judges wont award child support, just something to consider

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