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Pregnancy Pregnancy

father is still married!!!

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So I am 31 weeks and father of the child and I have been arguing because he wants to be on the birth certificate but I do not want him to be until he has a divorce from his wife they have been split for awhile now and he has been living with me but her and him could not have children together so I am afraid he's going to try and take my child and run to her so to speak. I am divorced from my ex husband I mean if I was still married he would think the same thing but he thinks its all fine and dandy that he's still married I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of arguing
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 1:37 PM
Replies (41-50):
TTC2Long
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:17 PM
An unemployed married man who refuses to divorce his wife and is denying that the child is even his AND who pushed her down the stairs to try to make her miscarry. And she's letting him live with her. This whole thing makes me smh.

Quoting dcdmattison03:

 Not trying to be rude but let me get this straight... You have an unemployed married man who won't get a divorce living with you who is the father of your child that you don't want a legal document claiming him as such?


 You knew what it was when you got with him and let him move in. Now that your expecting a child it's a problem that he is married. The courts will not take your child unless they have reason to, he will probably get visitation though.

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nikkifam5
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Id be running! I am a softy but id have NO soft spot for any of this... his wife won't give him a divorce so he could be married forever which means even if he was a gem, they couldn't marry.. he pushed her down the steps..id be calling the police.. he is skeptical wether the child is his.. he's just using her for a place to stay and to be taken care of.. I would have peaced at " hi, I'm "john" and I'm still married"...

Quoting TTC2Long:

An unemployed married man who refuses to divorce his wife and is denying that the child is even his AND who pushed her down the stairs to try to make her miscarry. And she's letting him live with her. This whole thing makes me smh.



Quoting dcdmattison03:

 Not trying to be rude but let me get this straight... You have an unemployed married man who won't get a divorce living with you who is the father of your child that you don't want a legal document claiming him as such?



 You knew what it was when you got with him and let him move in. Now that your expecting a child it's a problem that he is married. The courts will not take your child unless they have reason to, he will probably get visitation though.

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nikkifam5
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:25 PM
OP- honestly... id head for the hills !
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SnLnr3Cs
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with MIA0223, and do not think she was trying to be rude...Also, even if he is not on the BC, he can have a court ordered DNA test and still fight you for custody, but would have to prove that you are unfit to get full custody.  worst cade scenario, he does go back to her and she raises the child as her stepchild

 

Quoting mommieof3_91:

For one thing I'm not using my child as a pawn to get my way that was rude and very inconciderate. I was asking for advice not some rude way of calling me a b*tch


Quoting MIA0223:

He is the father, I don't see why he shouldn't be on the BC.

You chose to have a child with a married man.

This child is not a pawn, not a posession of yours. Not something to dangle over his head to get your way.

He is the father, lose the drama and add him on the BC!

 

mommieof3_91
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:55 PM
Thank you so much


Quoting Oceana09:

No. You shouldn't have to apologize. This site was originally made for mothers to come and ask questions and from all I have seen since I have been a member is nothing but bickering, arguing, backstabbing, and bitchiness. You actually post a question and you either get bitchy replies or no replies at all because it's not juicy enough for their liking. If you need anything PM me. Like I said, I'm pretty much in the same boat except for that he was never living with me.

Quoting mommieof3_91:

it was just a thought ladys sorry



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MIA0223
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Makes me want to ammend my reply.
She didn't include any of this in the OP! This info changes everything.
None of this makes sense!
And here I thought her getting by a married guy was a screwed up situation, but now add all this? Poor little baby!

Quoting TTC2Long:

An unemployed married man who refuses to divorce his wife and is denying that the child is even his AND who pushed her down the stairs to try to make her miscarry. And she's letting him live with her. This whole thing makes me smh.

Quoting dcdmattison03:

 Not trying to be rude but let me get this straight... You have an unemployed married man who won't get a divorce living with you who is the father of your child that you don't want a legal document claiming him as such?


 You knew what it was when you got with him and let him move in. Now that your expecting a child it's a problem that he is married. The courts will not take your child unless they have reason to, he will probably get visitation though.


Oceana09
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:30 PM

You're welcome. I got lucky on my end and my best friend of 6 years finally made his move and we are now engaged and he is viewing this child as his own. However, that doesn't take away the past two years I spent with the man that got me pregnant. That doesn't take away the fact that I still love him No matter how much of an ass he can be.

Quoting mommieof3_91:

Thank you so much


Quoting Oceana09:

No. You shouldn't have to apologize. This site was originally made for mothers to come and ask questions and from all I have seen since I have been a member is nothing but bickering, arguing, backstabbing, and bitchiness. You actually post a question and you either get bitchy replies or no replies at all because it's not juicy enough for their liking. If you need anything PM me. Like I said, I'm pretty much in the same boat except for that he was never living with me.

Quoting mommieof3_91:

it was just a thought ladys sorry




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Devious103102
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:49 PM

you say he's not wanting to claim your child but he wants to be on the bc. Sounds like claiming to me.

Quoting mommieof3_91:

I do not want child support due to his family and him not wanting to claim my child


Quoting sparklebug86:

if you dont put him on the certificate, most judges wont award child support, just something to consider



dcdmattison03
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 7:24 PM

 Oh I didn't read all that...yeah this whole scene is a hot mess..smh

Quoting TTC2Long:

An unemployed married man who refuses to divorce his wife and is denying that the child is even his AND who pushed her down the stairs to try to make her miscarry. And she's letting him live with her. This whole thing makes me smh.

Quoting dcdmattison03:

 Not trying to be rude but let me get this straight... You have an unemployed married man who won't get a divorce living with you who is the father of your child that you don't want a legal document claiming him as such?


 You knew what it was when you got with him and let him move in. Now that your expecting a child it's a problem that he is married. The courts will not take your child unless they have reason to, he will probably get visitation though.

 

connor12907
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 8:10 PM

I also live in SC. The nurse told me when I had my last child that unless you are married to the father, you would have to have a paternity test to prove he is the father to put on birth certificate :) Do what feels right to you mama! If things change later in life, and he ends up with the divorce you can change it? Or think about maybe hyphenating your's and his last name?
Good luck!

Quoting mommieof3_91:

I am in sc which I have been told is a huge mom state and if I would have been married then my legal husband would have to be on the BC I'm just scared as all get out


Quoting nikkifam5:

Well in my state, it doesn't matter if the father signs the BC, because he legally has no rights to the child if you are not married. Child support and custody/visitation are separate cases handled in court... so if that applies in your state, then he legally can be charged with kidnapping since there is no custody arrangment.. so he wouldn't be able to run off with your child. And just because he signs the BC doesn't mean you have to give baby his last name. If he wants to live with the embaressment of having a baby while still married then let him..


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