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problem with marriage and pregnancy

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:59 AM
  • 13 Replies
Hello, this is my second pregnancy. My first one ended in a miscarriage. I am now 9 Wks and my husband and I are thrilled. We usually have a great marriage but since I got pregnant there is no closeness. We are scared to have sex, even though the doctor said its ok too. I am scared of losing this baby and so is he. It's like he can't do anything right. I feel really bad but I snap at him like crazy. Now we are just going about our day and I can just feel things are not the same. I know my hormones are crazy right now. Had anyone else give thru a change in your marriage?
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:59 AM
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by Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:12 AM
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Just keep the communication open. My last pregnancy I lost the baby at 16 weeks, so I understand your trauma. I am 5 weeks right now, feel very moody. Just the other day I told my husband I feel moody, he said I know, you have been. I said, I am so sorry, I just can't help it, he said, oh I know, I know you can't. So he understands. Just keep communicating, and keep loving each other. 9 months passes quickly, your marriage can survive it.
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by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:16 AM

I agree to keep the lines of communication open.  

If you are snapping at him for no reason, and can't help it....tell him that.  "I know I'm acting crazy right now, but I truly can't help it.  I'm sorry."   If you are having a bad day, tell him "today's a really bad/moody day...." 

This has helped a lot with us when I'm crazy.  I've also been really clear with what I need.  If I need him to be a support system, I tell him. etc.  

by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Yes to the communication. We had a miscarriage this year on August 13. We are currently pregnant and 5 weeks. I am scared to have sex. We talk about it and he understands as much as he can. 

As for snapping. The joys of pregnancy. Just let him know with all these hormones it happens and to a lot of women. 

by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:06 AM
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I agree with the communication. Also, give it time. :-) I had 2 healthy pregnancies but then lost two babies early on before getting pregnant with this one. I was so scared at first and my husband was nervous too. I also had some bleeding at one point which turned out to be a low lying placenta but after that I was on edge even more. But as you get farther along and hit milestones in the pregnancy you start to breathe easier. When you start feeling the baby move that helps relax you too. Take some time for the two of you in the meantime. It doesn't have to be sex. :-) Cuddle up on the couch together, try to make sure you're still kissing and hugging and stuff, go one some date nights. :-) Remember to tell each other "I love you" even if you've had a day full of fighting and can barely say it through clenched teeth. Lol! It truly does help.

by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:28 AM
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Try not to worry about losing baby. Most of the time miscarriage happens b/c there is something wrong developmentally with the baby, and the baby cannot continue to thrive. This is not the fault of mom or dad or sex or anything. 

Try not to snap at him. Just bite your tongue. Keep open communication and talk to each other, but remind yourself of how you sound to him and try to think before you speak. I snap a lot too lol I try to think of how I must wound to my hubby at times and how I would feel if he spoke to me like that. Let him know how scared you are and that with stress and hormones you are a little crazy right now and that you will try not to use that as an excuse to be snapping.

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:46 PM

you are snapping at him because of the hormones, completely normal. I would apologize for past and future "fights" and you need to have intimacy! Thats a big part of marriage :) 

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:38 PM

No for us we got much closer. Granted we still fought but we were much much closer than before.

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:47 PM
Dh and I have our days for sure but over all after 11 losses stress on our marriage isn't worth it
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by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:12 AM

you guys will be fine i'm sure. you are just nervous right now and probably also a bit tense with the no sex and all. but all of this will change. maybe you will feel more secure this time around once you see the baby on the unltrasound or hear the heart beat if you haven't heard it yet.  since you are nervous about penetration right now, you could do other things for a while. lord knows you don't want to spend the entire pregnancy without sex.

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:17 AM

It is normal for your hormones to act up and interfere with your relationships while you are pregnant. I snapped on plenty of people while I am pregnant. Sometimes it is for the best and other times I felt bad after. I think that this time around it is a lot different because I have felt more like myself then previously with my pregnancies with my daughters.

As for the lack of intimacy. Try to take your time. Your doctor will not steer you wrong. If doc says that it is alright to have sex then it is. I say go for it. Try to have a romantic dinner, give him a massage and ask for one in return and see where the night takes you. Releasing those endorphins will help you both to relax more and reconnect.

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