Started bleeding about an hour ago. The bleeding isnt so bad right now but the cramps are getting pretty painful. This is my third mc so I know what's coming. This one is more like my first mc. The last one I lost pretty early so the cramps were minimal. This one I suspect I lost around 5 1/2 weeks. I have cried to the point I have no tears left. I am so numb right now. I am so sick of losing babies. I'm sick of loss and death and the emotional and physical pain that comes with it. I thank God for my two precious babies he HAS given me but I am just to the point of giving up on ever having another healthy baby. :(
Some of you read my previous post about having a ruptured cyst and my levels dropping. Well I went back to the er last night because I started spotting brown ( tmi sorry) but it stopped by the time I got there. They did more blood work and another ultrasound. The dr said the pain was from the fluid I still had around my right ovary and in my uterus. My levels had dropped again and I was diagnosed yet again with a ruptured ovarian cyst and a threatened miscarriage. I am waiting to have a miscarriage :( I have no idea how long it will take for my body to realize my angel is gone and start the process. For now I wait. The hardest thing is knowing the outcome. Knowing that I am still carrying around my precious baby but also knowing that my angel is gone :( how can I get over this? How can I move forward when I know my baby is still inside me? Knowing that the worst is yet to come... on top of that this is my third mc the second one in four months. Why does the lord give me these precious angels only to snatch them back? And my marriage is in a strain because my husband doesn't seem sad and it makes me furious! I am bitter toward everyone, I keep searching for an answer and no one has the "right" one. ( I know there isn't one) no one can comfort me. I feel alone and I don't want anyone close yet I crave closeness. I want to have my husbands arms around me and I don't want him near me. I don't know what I want or how to feel better. I see pregnant women everywhere and it makes me sad for my baby. I still have to be mommy to two toddlers but my heart aches for this baby I am losing. Sorry so long I just needed to get it out :*(
Some of you read my previous post about having a ruptured cyst and my levels dropping. Well I went back to the er last night because I started spotting brown ( tmi sorry) but it stopped by the time I got there. They did more blood work and another ultrasound. The dr said the pain was from the fluid I still had around my right ovary and in my uterus. My levels had dropped again and I was diagnosed yet again with a ruptured ovarian cyst and a threatened miscarriage. I am waiting to have a miscarriage :( I have no idea how long it will take for my body to realize my angel is gone and start the process. For now I wait. The hardest thing is knowing the outcome. Knowing that I am still carrying around my precious baby but also knowing that my angel is gone :( how can I get over this? How can I move forward when I know my baby is still inside me? Knowing that the worst is yet to come... on top of that this is my third mc the second one in four months. Why does the lord give me these precious angels only to snatch them back? And my marriage is in a strain because my husband doesn't seem sad and it makes me furious! I am bitter toward everyone, I keep searching for an answer and no one has the "right" one. ( I know there isn't one) no one can comfort me. I feel alone and I don't want anyone close yet I crave closeness. I want to have my husbands arms around me and I don't want him near me. I don't know what I want or how to feel better. I see pregnant women everywhere and it makes me sad for my baby. I still have to be mommy to two toddlers but my heart aches for this baby I am losing. Sorry so long I just needed to get it out :*(
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Posted by
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 4:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies:
by
Member
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 4:56 PM
-hugs-
I'm sorry sweetie. Have you considered maybe looking into a counselor to help you work through everything? Men are different, while we constantly feel that there is a life growing inside us, it often isn't real to them until they SEE the baby, and it looks like a baby. Sometimes not even until the baby is born.
by
Member
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 4:58 PM
I am very sorry for your loss.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by
Gold Member
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:06 PM
Have you had any genetic testing done for blood clotting disorders?
Are you sure the baby is gone? I had a ruptured cyst during this pregnancy, and I'm 33 weeks now.
Are you sure the baby is gone? I had a ruptured cyst during this pregnancy, and I'm 33 weeks now.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by
Gold Member
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:13 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss. There are pregnancy loss support groups on cm. I hope they are able to help ypu work through this time. Big, big (((HUGS))).
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by
Bronze Member
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:20 PM
This sounds very similar to my situation. I had 3 losses in a year and had the exact same feelings. I ended up pregnant a 4th time (I'm. 35 weeks now with the help of progesterone), but the bitterness I had toward everything tore my relationship apart. We are now parenting separately. :(
I know it seems impossibly hard, but you will get through it. Try not to make the same mistake I made and alienate your SO in the process. *hugs*
I know it seems impossibly hard, but you will get through it. Try not to make the same mistake I made and alienate your SO in the process. *hugs*
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
I'm so Srry to hear u lost ur bby. My fiirst pregnancy I was 3 Mon n my 1st ultrasound they told me the bby wasn't alive but they wanted my body to take uut out. I know how u feel just knowing ur child inside of u but not alive us the worst. Wat help me was letting the ppl that loved me be there for me to comfort me even though I wanted to just be left alone. Remember b strong for ur little ones. Again so Srry ur going through that.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by
Amber
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this
A threatened miscarriage is not a guarantee of a miscarriage- just wait and hope, mama!
by
Bronze Member
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:27 PM
Quoting Pandapanda:
A threatened miscarriage is not a guarantee of a miscarriage- just wait and hope, mama!
I think its labeled 'threatened' still only because she isn't bleeding anymore :( If her HCG is going down then its usually a for sure thing sadly!!!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
TGIF! What are you doing this weekend?
Are you a first time mom? If not, how many kids do you have?
- Schaiswife09
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 4:48 PM