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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Not allowing husband at birth....

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:28 PM
  • 94 Replies

My husband is horrible in the delivery room. He isn't mean, per se...he is just very, very unhelpful. I would say that having him present is about like sticking a big stuffed animal in the corner and leaving it there. He is great afterward...he always takes the baby and lets me sleep and recover while he rocks it, changes it, etc. But during the actual painful and gruesome parts, he totally shuts down. I'm giving birth soon...like, next week soon. I'm thinking about just telling DH to stay home w/ our other kids until the baby is born, then joining me in recovery. Everytime I mention this, people tell me I'm being mean and that I'll regret it. Has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this?

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luvmymunchkins3
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:29 PM
nope sorry my husband was there for all 3 births and he was great just stayed to him self and let me do my thing.GL
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Momma2013
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:30 PM

How many other kids do you have, if they were all with him, I think you know what you want. I hope people mind their own business and let you guys make a decision as the parents. My dh would LOVE if I didn't want him in the delivery room. He volunteered to stay in the waiting room with everyone else. HA! NOT Happening mister. But this is our first.

Megan11587
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:31 PM
3 moms liked this

He probably shuts down because men want to fix everything, and he can't fix the pain you are in.  I wouldn't keep him out, I think that would hurt his feelings beyond belief and you will probably regret it later.

notjstanothrmom
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:31 PM

That's totally up to you. Not something I would want, but if it works for you then do it. If he doesn't care to be there and you're more comfortable without him then it does no harm to anyone else.

jamamama00
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:36 PM

I think this is part of the problem: one of his family members was telling us about her birth once, and how her DH just stayed back and let her do her thing...so I think maybe DH got it in head that this was what all women want. I don't. I wanted someone to comfort me and assure me, and he failed miserably. This was with our third child. My first was an unplanned "homebirth" and second I was induced and had an epidural about five minutes after arrival, so oddly enough this third child was my first opportunity to see him in action...and he sucked!

Quoting luvmymunchkins3:

nope sorry my husband was there for all 3 births and he was great just stayed to him self and let me do my thing.GL


tjane3000
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:38 PM
Yeah ultimately it's your decision. I couldn't do it without dh and there is NO way he would stay home. Lol he really enjoys it. But I think every family is different and you should do what works for you.
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doulala
by Emerald Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:39 PM

Wondering, why are you mentioning it to other people?

It is perfectly fine but sounds like you might be more sensitive too.

smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:39 PM
No I would never do that
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Larsbug
by Laura on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:40 PM

 I had 2 c-sections and DH was there for both...he isn't like your DH though. I think maybe you should still have him at the hospital, just maybe not in the room...but I agree, I do think that you might regret him not being there for you.

jamamama00
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:40 PM

LOL yes oddly, this is our fourth. But I had a freakish unplanned homebirth with number one (I say home, but it was more like, in the car/parking lot/hallway birth). My second was induced and I had an epidural right away, so I could have cared less if he was at the circus at that point. My third was another induction, but nurse wouldn't listen to me that I dilate very rapidly and long story short, I had pitocin contractions and no drugs. This is where DH earned his "shitty labor partner of the decade" award. I am still completely disgusted w/ the way he shut down and left me helpless...

Quoting Momma2013:

How many other kids do you have, if they were all with him, I think you know what you want. I hope people mind their own business and let you guys make a decision as the parents. My dh would LOVE if I didn't want him in the delivery room. He volunteered to stay in the waiting room with everyone else. HA! NOT Happening mister. But this is our first.


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