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Pregnancy Pregnancy

I feel like my child is the only one...... :-(

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who is not excited about the new baby. My DS is 3 years and 8 months old and Im due with his little brother in February. Before I started to show, he was very excited about the baby. We have talked to him about it, read books to him about it, etc. etc. We tell him about all  the fun it will be and have literally tried everything. Ever since I was around 23 weeks, his attitude started to change about the baby. He just stopped respoding when we talked about little brother. Now, its gotten so bad that DS sometimes says, "I can hurt the baby mommy" and I feel like my heart will break. I tell him that we cannot hurt the baby or anyone at all! He wants nothing to do with my belly-Ive tried to get him to feel little brother move and he flat out refuses. I dont know what to do and feel like Im failing already at introducing the new baby into our world. What can I do? I have stopped talking about it with him because I figure, whats the use? Im scared and confused and feel like I will be nervous that DS1 WILL hurt the baby when he's here. :-( :-( :-( All my friends who are pregnant or have 2 or more kids say, "my LO was SOOO EXCITED for his/her sibling. I havent heard ONE person say they dealt with what Im dealing with. ANy advice?

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 6:53 AM
Replies (11-20):
mama2gg
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:16 AM
Do you talk about the baby a lot with him or in front of him?

Does he know where baby will sleep?

Does he know his brothers name so its not just baby?

I think its all pretty normal

But if all you talk about is baby then he may be upset and jealous ...

My son is 5 and is so happy about dd he asked me to have her for his Christmas present lol
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mama2gg
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:18 AM
I agree of ds even ACTED like he was going to hit my belly I would be figuring out what's REALLY going on here and I would RIGHT THEN tell him in a low stern tone NO to hitting baby

Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.


I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.


If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!


HUGS

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amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:17 AM

My son is one of the sweetest souls you'll ever meet. He has compassion for every little creature on this planet, which is why this is so strange. I dont see any signs of agression in any other way. In fact, even when he says he's going to hurt the baby or hit the baby, its ina very calm voice and he really doesnt display true ANGER. (no furrowed brow, no yelling, etc) so I dont think there is anything "deeper" going on. And of course, when he said he was going to hit baby, I DID tell him no in a firm but loving way. 

Quoting mama2gg:

I agree of ds even ACTED like he was going to hit my belly I would be figuring out what's REALLY going on here and I would RIGHT THEN tell him in a low stern tone NO to hitting baby

Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.


I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.


If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!


HUGS


amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:18 AM

Thats the thing though, Im really not talking to him much about the baby anymore. I haven't for a while. I like your idea about the introduction itself, thank you!

Quoting FarmGirl2B:

Don't pressure him. Set aside some special time for just the two of you every day before and after baby arrives. Your SO may have to watch the baby so you don't have to be interrupted. Don't mention baby during these times. Try the gift from baby thing. When introducing ds to baby, make sure your arms are empty and let him sit with you on the bed. Have SO bring baby over so he can see, then deal with his reaction as it comes. He may want to hold him or he may push it away. If he pushes it away, don't force him, and don't scold him in any way unless he tries to hurt the baby. Explain to him that having a new baby means that you have even more love to share with him and the new baby and you will love them both more and more every day. If after a few weeks you are still having issues, call his doc.


amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:20 AM

Thank you! thats the thing though, he doesnt display anger in any other way. In fact, even in this situation, he says the words and raises his hand, but he doesnt really SEEM mad or angry. He's not yelling, no furrowed brow, etc. He is truly a gentle child. I do not believe that there is anything "beneath the surface" going on in regards to anger. Its almost like he wants to see what my reaction will be? Im not sure. Thank you for the ideas!

Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.

I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.

If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!

HUGS


amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:22 AM

But at this point, (and for the last month or so) I havent really been talking about the baby in front of him or with him. :-/ I saw that he wasent really into it anymore so I figured it was not good to push it. I mention baby probably once every two weeks. What happened yesterday was instigated my him. :-/

Quoting tanper29:

I agree with this. Maybe he feels like once the baby is here you will forget about him. Talking about the new baby too much can cause a feeling of resentment in small children. Just focus on your 3yr old.

Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.


I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.


If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!


HUGS


doulala
by Emerald Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:24 AM

Likely that this is a combo of age and awareness, his temperament, and this subject getting old--  he doesn't know what to do with it anymore.       Every day and week are a LONNNG time for him so it probably seems like you are really dragging this out!

lol

hugs

I agree with you that it's probably good to not bring it up much anymore.    If someone else does then that will be less exposure to it all.
GL!

*and I hope you are doing well~ hugs!

PEEK05
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:25 AM

I'm so sorry, I don't know. :( My 3.5 year old is super excited for her sister to be born.  My 1.5 year old has no idea what's going on, but he loves babies so I'm hoping things will go okay.  Good luck mama.

doulala
by Emerald Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:28 AM


Quoting PEEK05:

My 3.5 year old is super excited for her sister to be born.  

Do you talk about it a lot?   j/w




amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you! I agree. Time is a whole different ball game with kids, and if the duration of a pregnancy gets long for us mommies, I can only imagine what its like for him. :-) I dont really bring up baby to him anymore. Maybe once every two weeks? I just see that he's not into is, so whats the point? :-( What happened yesterday was brought up by him. We'll see. 

Thank you for the support!!! I appreciate you not thinking that he needs therapy, or that there is something "else" "deeper" at play. 

I am doing well! Huge, but still good! :-) I know that this is my last one, so Im trying not to wish the time away. :-) baby is already measuring big though! Eeeekkkk! At 28 weeks 4 days he was measuring 31 weeks....we go again this Thursday, so we'll see where he's at then...I guess hubby and I just make big babes! Tee hee!

Quoting doulala:

Likely that this is a combo of age and awareness, his temperament, and this subject getting old--  he doesn't know what to do with it anymore.       Every day and week are a LONNNG time for him so it probably seems like you are really dragging this out!

lol

hugs

I agree with you that it's probably good to not bring it up much anymore.    If someone else does then that will be less exposure to it all.
GL!

*and I hope you are doing well~ hugs!


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