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Pregnancy Pregnancy

I feel like my child is the only one...... :-(

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who is not excited about the new baby. My DS is 3 years and 8 months old and Im due with his little brother in February. Before I started to show, he was very excited about the baby. We have talked to him about it, read books to him about it, etc. etc. We tell him about all  the fun it will be and have literally tried everything. Ever since I was around 23 weeks, his attitude started to change about the baby. He just stopped respoding when we talked about little brother. Now, its gotten so bad that DS sometimes says, "I can hurt the baby mommy" and I feel like my heart will break. I tell him that we cannot hurt the baby or anyone at all! He wants nothing to do with my belly-Ive tried to get him to feel little brother move and he flat out refuses. I dont know what to do and feel like Im failing already at introducing the new baby into our world. What can I do? I have stopped talking about it with him because I figure, whats the use? Im scared and confused and feel like I will be nervous that DS1 WILL hurt the baby when he's here. :-( :-( :-( All my friends who are pregnant or have 2 or more kids say, "my LO was SOOO EXCITED for his/her sibling. I havent heard ONE person say they dealt with what Im dealing with. ANy advice?

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 6:53 AM
Replies (21-30):
amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:30 AM

thank you! This made me feel a lot better. HUGS! 

Quoting sparklebug86:

thats fairly normal and you may have to watch him in the beginning. DH used to reach into his sisters crib with a stick and try to poke her. 

BTW just because your friends say their kids are excited doesnt mean that they really are, it could just be their perception or they dont want to tell the truth. 

My son is about to be 4 and he could careless! 


PEEK05
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:31 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting doulala:


Quoting PEEK05:

My 3.5 year old is super excited for her sister to be born.  

Do you talk about it a lot?   j/w




Not too much.  She does though.  She likes to pretend that she has a "baby Isabella" in her belly, and she helped me pick out the fabric for her rocking chair/boppy pillow.  She also likes to get rid of some of her old things and say that it's for baby Isabella.  Whenever she sees things coming into the house, she asks if it's for baby Isabella.  She also likes to keep saying "I'm almost 4.  Isabella is coming to my party!" which the c-section is three days before her birthday because I was trying to figure out a way to help her figure out WHEN the baby will be coming.

While I was pregnant with her brother, she was 1.5-2 years old while I was pregnant, and she didn't care and didn't really know what was going on, same as her brother with this pregnancy.




amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:32 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you! I appreciate the support. :-) Im happy that your DD is excited for her sister!!! It must be a good feeling. :-) :-)

Quoting PEEK05:

I'm so sorry, I don't know. :( My 3.5 year old is super excited for her sister to be born.  My 1.5 year old has no idea what's going on, but he loves babies so I'm hoping things will go okay.  Good luck mama.


Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:34 AM
1 mom liked this

I watched an episode of Baby Story once where the older sibling (3.5 yrs old) said she was going to drop her baby brother behind the couch because she didn't want him. 

Once she saw the baby, she said, "I promise I wont drop him behind the couch!"

Maybe he'll have a change of heart. :)

amc103
by Silver Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:45 AM

Oh man! At least Im not the only one...thank you! Im really hoping that is what happenes, and I think it will because DS is really interested in live babies...he gets worried when they are crying in the store, etc. and he's truly a gentle person, so I hope once its "real" he will have a change of heart. :-) 

Quoting Pandapanda:

I watched an episode of Baby Story once where the older sibling (3.5 yrs old) said she was going to drop her baby brother behind the couch because she didn't want him. 

Once she saw the baby, she said, "I promise I wont drop him behind the couch!"

Maybe he'll have a change of heart. :)


veganistic
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:21 AM
Aww, hugs mama. My 8 yo daughter - only child - is so dead set against having a baby brother and he's due in April. It totally breaks my heart too. She refers to him as "that dumb baby". :(

You will just have to keep an eye on him around the baby - as should every other mom with a lo and a new baby.
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mj.bullion
by Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:58 AM
With my son it varies. He will be 4 in a couple days and some days hes excited and sometimes not. I dont talk about it too much but I do mention baby and he knows her name. Sometimes he brings her up. Today for the first time he tried to feel her kick without my suggestion. I think when my DS doesnt like her hes afraid shes goibg to steal his toys. lmao. He has mentioned that before and I said she will be too little to play with his toys but as she gets older she may want to share with him. He doesnt like that idea either. haha.
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Mazie0723
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 4:08 AM
My little guy is due end of January and my current youngest is 3 1/2 and he was into it for a while and now he doesn't really care. Maybe get him a baby doll and you can teach him how to act around the baby. Good luck!
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mama2gg
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:51 AM
Humm does he act the same way for anything
Like does he show emotions like anger , sadness, worry?

Just wondering if he may have autism


Quoting amc103:

My son is one of the sweetest souls you'll ever meet. He has compassion for every little creature on this planet, which is why this is so strange. I dont see any signs of agression in any other way. In fact, even when he says he's going to hurt the baby or hit the baby, its ina very calm voice and he really doesnt display true ANGER. (no furrowed brow, no yelling, etc) so I dont think there is anything "deeper" going on. And of course, when he said he was going to hit baby, I DID tell him no in a firm but loving way. 

Quoting mama2gg:

I agree of ds even ACTED like he was going to hit my belly I would be figuring out what's REALLY going on here and I would RIGHT THEN tell him in a low stern tone NO to hitting baby



Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.



I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.



If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!



HUGS


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07lilmama1108
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:16 AM
Before ds was born, it was like my dd got tired of hearing about the new baby. I always made a point that whenever we bought stuff for ds, she got something as well (something small bjt at least something!) She used to plug her ears when i talked about ds, run and scream but never said she'd hurt him.... after he was born she had moments of loving him him and oohing and awwing, but times where she needed one on one! Now ds is a year, dd is 5 and they are so good together!!! She takes care of him and always shares. The more they play together and laugh together, the better its gotten. Yes, she's hit him, pushed him off the couch etc, but they have a lot of learning and growing to do!! Now we're expecting our 3rd and dd is more excited but doesn't want me to leave her again (to give birth) because she didn't know if i was ok.
Give it time, give him one on one.... he'll be a good brother!
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